Month: November 2014 | the Wakefield Doctrine - Part 2 Month: November 2014 | the Wakefield Doctrine - Part 2

Wednesday’s Task the Wakefield Doctrine (…to learn what I already know.)

November 19, 2014 By

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

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So to continue our discussion of the woman and the dog:  why make a big/small/any-sized deal out of a mis-perception? Because the Wakefield Doctrine is predicated on the notion that we all live our lives in a reality that is, to a varying, but certain degree, personal. Of course, our little story of the hot and haughty woman driving her dog around in a Mercedes GL550, stopping at a traffic light in Westerly RI only to have the dog turn into a nice old, if not slightly dotty old woman and the driver become a gracious youngish lady out for the day, was meant, entirely for me, it does not prevent us from using it as an illustration of the underlying concepts, principles, tenets and assumption of our little personality theory. Yet the insights that are part and parcel with this 5.7 minute section of an otherwise normal and mundane day, are available to all who would avail themselves of it. This is because, if the Wakefield Doctrine is about anything, it is about perspective. In my case, what I derived from this experience is, in part:

    • as soon as I ‘decided’ that I was looking (in my rearview mirror) at a woman of (probable) wealth who was also quite attractive, I reacted in a defensive (and therefore, emotional) manner.* The value of perspective, to those of us employing the Wakefield Doctrine as a tool to enhance our understanding of the people in our lives, is found in our better understanding how the world appears to us. I would say that the most important value in it’s use is the opportunity to become more accepting of ourselves.
    • the dog in the passenger seat, reflecting my affection for dogs on to the driver, resulted in my being willing to excuse her, her socio-economic superiority and, ‘realize’ that she might not be as haughty as I first thought (though her hotness was never in doubt)
    • to see a dog turn into an old woman is not nearly as impressive as it is to see a dog (where there really and actually was a woman) in the first place and neither matter, it was the effect of my perceptions on my emotional response that matters
    • finally,  …. no! the Wakefield Doctrine does not expect us to collapse into intense introspection every time we notice something odd in the world, and no, my noticing (and reflecting upon all that is being described) does not require one to become focused only the three worldviews and the impermanence of reality or run out and buy a Mercedes GL550, it does expect you to remember that:

the Wakefield Doctrine is not an Answer * the Wakefield Doctrine is a bunch of fun and interesting Questions * the Wakefield Doctrine does not tell how to change the other person * the Wakefield Doctrine is a fun way to look at the world around you and offer a perspective * the(se) perspective(s) are what the Wakefield Doctrine is really all about…. discovering and understanding ‘how I relate myself to the world around me?’   …..and no, it is surely not all struggle and work, conflict between the old and the new, it is the simple realization that you don’t need to learn or otherwise acquire new information or knowledge to become a better you, you simply have to see and accept the ‘better you’ that is already there.

ya know?

 

 

 

* major little point here: despite my being a clark, the ‘why’ of any of the events, observations, inferences, assumptions, reactions and conclusions  are not important. The value in what is being described is, as the old saying goes, “…the benefit is not what is seen, the benefit is knowing that what is being seen is special”

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of clarity and explanation the Wakefield Doctrine (“why didn’cha tell me how hard this writing shit was!”)

November 17, 2014 By

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

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Before we begin, let’s see if I can tell a story*

This past Friday, as I was stopped at a traffic light, I watched in my rearview mirror as an expensive SUV pulled up behind me. The driver, a woman looking to be in her late 30s, was dressed, made up, (whatever the correct term for ‘looking a certain way’ ), consistent with the vehicle. She looked, in my rearview mirror, to be a woman of means. Naturally that caused me to ask myself, ‘why is it you think that and what does that tell you (about yourself)’? Nothing unusual there, what any clark would think, when forced to sit and wait in a car, surrounded by other cars and their drivers. But! I looked (in my rearview mirror) and noticed a dog in the passenger seat. It appeared to be a smaller, poodle-like dog, long curly hair, large nose. I smiled (I like dogs). Then I noted the change in my attitude towards the well-dressed woman in the driver’s seat. I now felt….more positive towards her. (Being a person who practices the Wakefield Doctrine pretty much all the time, this change set off a series of questions, mostly regarding why I felt on the defensive when I first saw the driver, but now was feeling decidedly friendly towards her.) All this took place in the space of about 3 minutes. I kept glancing back, (through the rearview mirror). at the woman and the dog, until the traffic light turned green. As I started forward, (turning left towards my office), I saw a person’s hand raised on the passenger’s side of the car behind me (it was, by the way, a Mercedes SUV) and  I saw that, sitting in the passenger seat, was a little and rather old woman with curly blond hair. I laughed. I felt grateful for the moment.

There’s the story.

The second theme (of) today’s Post is courtesy of 2 comments made about the Doctrine. One from our friend Kristi and one from an associate at work. Both gave me a new appreciation of my efforts to present and explain the Wakefield Doctrine. From Kristi:

“I’m also excited and thankful for the upcoming holidays, but that really isn’t a surprise.
Family history seems to be one of those hobbies that transcends worldviews.”

From the woman at the office**

We were in the office yesterday and, at one point, I said to her, “hey, I know you don’t read the blog, but the newest concept is really very helpful, it’s called ‘the everything Rule“. I proceeded to explain that ‘the everything Rule’ (short for: ‘everyone does everything at one time or another Rule’), suggests that rather than try to see where something fits into the three worldviews, a better way is to assume that when person does a thing, i.e. ‘enjoy genealogy or eating in a restaurant or taking a shower’, what that thing is, is different for a clark or a scott or a roger. That, in fact, ‘taking a shower’ manifests differently in each of the three worldviews. She said, ‘That sounds like it waters down the Doctrine, but let me think about it a little’.”

These impromptu observations made me realize two things:

  1. that I must re-focus on the fact that the Wakefield Doctrine is talking about three different realities… sure, they’re personal realities, but it is still a reality
  2. this notion that we live in a reality that is personal, is the linchpin for the Doctrine, and while admittedly a difficult concept to accept, without it, the Wakefield Doctrine is just another clever categorization of traits and habits, quirks and smartass
  3. I need to work harder on expressing, in this blog, that what sets the Wakefield Doctrine apart from other ‘personality theories’ is that, rather than list likes and dislikes, phobias and secret desires, the Wakefield Doctrine says: your personality type is that collection of successful coping strategies and social adaptions appropriate to the reality you grew up in… if you grew up in the world of the Outsider or the life of the Predator or the reality of the Herd Member…. your personality type is totally appropriate, good and sufficient.

…so, thank you to Kristi  and to my associate at work for a reminder that this writing thing, while fun and enjoyable, is really fricken aggravating!

 

 

 

 

* my definition of ‘tell a story’ is: using the least number of words, convey not only an event, but do it in a way that allows a willing Reader to experience what I experienced.

** this person is a scott and she is fairly conversant on the Doctrine, at least to the extent that I have explained it over the years, she is not, however, a Reader of this blog

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TToT the Wakefield Doctrine ‘non-long, non-rambling, still about things I’m grateful for, mostly Wakefield Doctrine related’

November 15, 2014 By

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

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1) I’m grateful for the ‘major holidays’ that are looming on the calendar. They make it so easy to discuss, illustrate, make fun of and explore the worldviews of the Outsider, the Predator and the Herd Member  via the Wakefield Doctrine!

2) (and)…the ‘everything Rule’, which is short for the ‘everyone does everything at one time or another Rule‘.  Integral to the use of the Wakefield Doctrine as a tool to help us better understand the people in our lives. the everything Rule reminds us to not get distracted by over focusing  on questions like, ‘is that the kind of thing only a clark would do?‘ or ‘that’s surely a scottian job‘ or ‘only a roger would do something as blatant as that!’. Instead, we keep it simple and ask, ‘How would that particular (life problem, family situation, pick-up strategy) manifest in the world of the Outsider, the life of the Predator, the reality of the Herd Member. If you know your worldviews, you’ll know more about the other person than they know about themselves.

3) ….work: stressful and satisfying, stressful and fun, stressful and profitable. plus, when I’m being smart, I get to go look at nice houses. Example: Yesterday an agent who works in the Watch Hill market came to me and said, ‘I have this property I’m trying to list, you have the time to drive over there and see it?’  (My grat item here actually is this: I had more work than I could handle and was facing an afternoon of being buried in paperwork, but fortunately, I thought about when I first got in the business and said, “yeah! sounds like fun!”) Besides visiting a remarkable properties, it was fun and relaxing to spend an hour or so driving around and learning about which famous family sold which house to this other family. (knowing the people who make up the social order in a market such as Watch Hill matters as much as knowing about what has sold for how much, it was fun and relaxing to hear about the people, as it was looking at the houses).

4) an[other] agent in my office showed me the family tree/genealogy project she was working on… what made this especially interesting is that she is a clark with a secondary rogerian aspect. (I know what you’re thinking!  at first I thought the same thing! ok clark…not so much into the family history, surely this is her secondary rogerian aspect exerting itself… but then I remembered…. hey!  ‘the everything Rule’!! lets try to apply it to this example of a personal interest in family histories)

5) Una has been sleeping better of late. She’s never been comfortable with nighttime… and living in a rural area, no telling what kind of lifeforms have occasion to walk past our house in the wee, small hours…. when they do!  Best way to describe it, Una explodes into barking…. very loud, very serious  (dog for: ‘hey! humans!! wake up!!! something is out there!!!!   hey!! whatever you are out there  get the hell out of here!!!”)  Lately though, we’re down to maybe 2 episodes a night, which is a definite improvement. (as a clark with a dog, my strategy during these events is to first remind Una that she is safe with us indoors, then get her to get on the bed (facing the window, of course) and compliment her on her excellent guard dog skills….it tends to work and she falls right back to sleep)

6) lets consider the Book of Secret Rules (aka the Secret Book of Rules). Is this not one of the coolest things about the-blog-that-Lizzi-built? Now I don’t get out to a lot of other bloghops (not being a female-based person, it’s only natural that I hangout pretty much exclusively here), but I can’t think of a tool/insight that is more beneficial (and fun ) than the BoSR/SBoR  A big part of what I like about it, it’s not a free hall pass…. totally not a ‘do whatever just because you don’t feel like following the Rules’.  I know from my own experience, if I’m in a spot, can’t complete all 10 or maybe need to get creative with the organization of my post, the Book demands what is probably amounts to more effort than I would have had to have expend if I just wrote the damn thing out ‘1 to 10’.  lol

8) ‘Parks and Recreation’  I don’t seem to find much on ‘TV’ worth watching, I loved ‘Deadliest Catch’ for the first few seasons, but then the marketing guys got to work on the show (“…what the Viewers want to see is whiny men, with mean attitudes and preferably a few missing teeth!”)  but last year I stumbled across this show ( Cable Company motto: “...you have the channels memorized?  wait! there…they’re all different and mixed up now…don’t worry! there’s one channel where the shows are listed in between the ads that wouldn’t fit across the bottom of your screen when you find your show…  you’re welcome”) and am a total fan.

 9)  digital photos! (the photo at the top of today’s Post is from last week…. that’s the moon (to the left of the green highway sign)  rising gigantically as I drove north on Route 1  (you know how, on just a few special nights (usually Summer or early Fall), and the moon is still only 10 or 15 degrees up off the horizon, you see it so big and bright that you naturally think, “oh shit! the Sun’s gone nova and there’s about 45 minutes until the blast wave circles the globe to get around to me here on the night side”  (And you think to yourself), “…how to spend my last minutes on this earth? ok, the first thing is roll down the windows, find a good college station on the radio and head for the ocean. try to reach Phyllis on the phone, but she doesn’t pick up, and then think about Ola and smile, because she was the best thing in your life (and she would have answered the phone, well, if she had opposable thumbs, which she didn’t, but she would have, at very least barked at Phyllis to answer the phone… like the time Phyllis and Ola were home during a severe lightning storm and Ola herded Phyllis from room to room, until finally, Ola got her to sit in the car in the garage and they waited out the storm, safe on the rubber tires), and I smile and….) wait a minute!! am I still typing??!”

9.5) New Readers?   kind of happens, nothing to be concerned about, I’m back… Christine or Kristi can explain  (I’d suggest Dyanne, but she’s facing winter and she’s a scott so, tread carefully)  of course zoe and Denise and our Miss Lizzi know…

10) grateful for the nature of the Wakefield Doctrine, in that I discover new ways to use it as a tool for self-development nearly every damn day!  (example? why of course!  I called an attorney on a real estate transaction yesterday. he opened the conversation with, ‘I’m glad you called! Your associate left me a long, rambling voicemail and I was getting concerned about what the problem was‘   We talked, I explained what was going on, everything back on track. My insight? the ‘associate of mine’  who left the ‘long and rambling voicemail’  is a clark  and I was able to reflect… ‘note to self: watch out for the leaving of long and overly comprehensive voice mails….  but there was a certain… difference in how I felt about this reflection on one of my characteristics. I wasn’t embarrassed (I have no need to tell the associate what was said), but I took it to heart.  Because I could identify with the other clark. This aspect of the Doctrine is incredibly promising for clarks… there is an old saying around the Wakefield Doctrine, “…only a clark can be learned from by another clark”

 

Ok… out to the work

 

Ten Things of Thankful

 

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it’s garbage day… no time to make up a new..er Post! the Wakefield Doctrine (hey…lighten the hell up!)

November 14, 2014 By

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

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“...the ego of a clark is a thing of subtle, yet supreme majesty. clarks walk the earth, desperately hoping that, as in the fables where a king dresses as a commoner (the better to know his subjects), they will be accepted into the homes and hearts of the people they meet. and they are, in part,  because the commoners, ‘the real people’  are not fooled by the clark’s attempted disguises. the joke is on the clark because the bosses/ the teachers/ the girl at the gas station/ the co-workers/ the lovers/ the friends/ the spouses and the people-we-really-can’t-seem-to-get-along-with…. everyone that a clark naturally meets in the course of the days of their lives, knows (or suspects) that clarks are not the king in disguise. and, even though they wonder why the clarks believe they need to disguise their true natures, most are happy to play along, choosing to accept us with our quirks, recognizing our innate good natures.” (the book of the clarks… Wakefield Doctrine)

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Hey!  lets do a re-print Post!!! (I fear I’ve said too much as it is),  from November 13, 2012…

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of personality that you get to enjoy with your friends and them, before it gets all famous and mainstreamy and everyone will know about it)

Question: If your husband is a roger and you are a clark, is it true that they never accept how much you have changed over the years, since you first met?
Answer: Too true1

(Welcome to ‘ya shoulda just asked Tuesday’! We will be presenting some common questions and the semi-comprehensive answers…along with a little commentary, mostly to let us get away with dividing the page into block quotes.’)

Question: My best friend is funny and fun to be with, but sometimes when we are around other people he gets like, mean even goes and picks on me. But this happens only with certain people, this big kid that (my friend) knows. What gives?

Answer: Chances are your friend is a scott and the person that, when they’re around, your friend starts acting mean?…well, that other person is a scotttoo, but they are what we call dominant (to your friend). So your friend, even though he is picking on you, doesn’t mean to hurt your friendship… it’s a pack2 thing, you know?
Answer: jeez, if you say so

(This question deals with the changing pack order (from the scottian perspective) and it’s effects on the behavior of a scott. Note: this question (and by implication, the experience cited), will most likely be posed by a clark. Do you know why that should be?)

Question: My fiancée and I are getting close to the Big Day. When we first got engaged, we both agreed to keep the ceremony and everything on the quiet, low-key side, but lately, ( the wedding is in 3 months), she has been talking more to her sisters and some of her old friends and it seems like the guest list is getting bigger and bigger. What gives?

Answer: She is probably a roger. Forget about changing her mind. It means a lot to her, in a way that you will never understand.  So relax! Sneak a couple of your friends that she might not have approved when the guest list was small, she probably won’t even notice now, and if she does make an issue of it, say the following to her (word for word): “I understand how important family is to you now. And even though I am not close to my family, you have shown me that my feelings3 of friendship with (fill in the names of you friends) make them like family. Won’t you let my family join your family …darling?”

(And there are those who would say, ‘Hey Wakefield Doctrinaires! Sure you have a uniquely clever take on personality types, but what about practical applications? Huh, what about those?‘ Well, here ya go! Who cannot not identify with this situation? …not counting the rogers, of course!)

Question: My boss is nice enough, but it seems like he tries too hard to be, like my friend or something! Every day it is ‘how are you doing?’, “is there anything I can do to make your job easier?” I mean, all the time! I can’t get any work done when he is in the office, he is always offering to ‘help’! I might be able to deal with this, except that every time I do get some work done that he needs to sign off on, he always finds  fault! And if I come up with something on my own initiative (he likes to say that he wants me to try to ‘think outside the box’) he is either totally negative or acts like he is amazed that I actually did it myself!  Should I quite my job?
Answer: Probably.4

(This Question deals with a scenario that is all too common. And, although we do not propose that all bosses are rogers, we will say this, ‘If your boss is a scott you have: a) a good time everyday up until the day he decides that it is time to change careers or b) a lead pipe cinch of a sexual harassment lawsuit, so the day you get tired of her shenanigans, ‘it’s sayonara see ya in court’
If your boss is a clark, then we know the following: a) if your clarklike boss is female then her boss is a roger, if your clarklike boss is male then his boss is a scott!  and b) they (clarks) make great bosses, will stick up for you totally against all opponents, but jeez! enough with the leadership by consensus! Get a set, yo.

That music referenced in the Title of today’s Post? Totally weird. I’m sitting and watching TV and a commercial comes on and before I can hit ‘MUTE’ I hear the music in the background (of the commercial) and I’m off to the great and omniscient google… and here we are

1)rogers are about consistency, if they are about anything at all! The worldview of the herd (rogers) maintains that history, tradition, continuity…consistency is of the greatest good! The worldview is also one in which the individual’s relationship with the world-at-large manifests primarily in emotional terms. So when a (lasting) relationship forms, the details of ‘the other’ person are important, in a sense, manifesting the emotional investment. So, as time goes by, even though people change and grow and develop, the roger will still insist on seeing the ‘original person’

2)scotts, in the initial behavioral metaphor: like pack animals, i.e. wolves, dogs, lions and such. The social ranking in the pack is one of simple dominance, an alpha at ‘the top’ and everyone else in order of strength/prowess/capability downward from there. It is a primary characteristic of the scottian personality type to establish ranking when entering a new (social ) environment. Literally going from person to  person, figuratively pushing them on the shoulder in order to establish ranking

3) emotions! always play the emotion-card when dealing with rogers!

4) you could try to…nah, don’t even bother.  Maybe if you got to the Doctrine sooner, you might have learned enough to invoke your own rogerian aspect to re-configure your work relationship… but too hard, too frustrating, easier to get another job. But then again, most bosses/middle managers/supervisors/Principals are rogers!  so maybe you should be asking about the Wakefield Doctrine School of Self-Improving Oneself…school

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yeah, whatever-Wednesday the Wakefield Doctrine

November 12, 2014 By

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

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Yesterday’s Post gave us an example of how the Wakefield Doctrine can be applied to a real world situation. We saw that our understanding of the worldview of the people we interact with makes available more options and choices for us.  (In other words): you and I are interacting/ relating/ fighting/ making up/ making out/ punching out or simply sitting-around-trying-to-figure-out-what-there-is-to-do-in-this-boring-little-town… I know that you’re a (clark or a scott or a roger), so I (also) know how you are perceiving the problem that confronts us both, which means that I can adjust how I present ‘my side’ of the situation in order to: gain a strategic advantage/ finally see eye-to-eye/ aggravate the hell out of you/ agree to disagree or just-kiss-and-make-up. All as a result of knowing the Wakefield Doctrine, because, as we should always remember, the Wakefield Doctrine is a perspective that allows me to see the world, as you are experiencing it. All I have to do is correctly infer ‘how you relate yourself to the world around you’.

Fine, fine! you’re saying at this point. “Any personality theory lets me know the other person so well that it’s like I can read (a part of) their mind! Big deal! What does the Wakefield Doctrine offer me, right now, this morning, in the way of changing the likelihood of my having a very stressful and difficult day…today! huh? what does it offer?”  Glad you asked! What the Wakefield Doctrine says on the matter is this:

“…by virtue of knowing that we all live in what amounts to a personal reality, and, by accepting that our dominant worldview (that of the Outsider, the Predator or the Herd Member) is simply a description of the way that we have learned to relate ourselves to the world, and that we retain the innate capacity to experience the world as do ‘the other two’,  we do not have to feel that we at the mercy of whatever the world seems to throw at us today.”

If I’m a clark, then I know that I’ll act and react as is characteristic for a person who has spent a lifetime being an Outsider. That doesn’t mean that I can’t see the world as does the Predator (scott) or the Herd Member (roger).  This is one of the most significant insights possible, to know that the actions and interactions that comprise my day today are but one (of three) versions of how the world and I get along today.

…today, the world is a reflection of how I relate myself to it.  (The people and things and situations) do not make me feel a certain way, do a certain thing. I relate myself to the world around me. That is the only answer to the question many of us find ourselves asking,  ‘why is the world like this?’

…ok, we’re out of time this morning!  I’ll continue this later…. oh! wait! almost forgot to tell you!  I was driving yesterday, thinking about the Doctrine book and a subtitle came to mind that I’d like to get everyone’s opinion on,

the Wakefield Doctrine
(“…the way to a better life in a short number of years! not decades or your entire lifetime…. just a few years of very difficult and, at times, frustrating effort!”)

what do you think?  catchy?

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