Month: November 2014 | the Wakefield Doctrine Month: November 2014 | the Wakefield Doctrine

TToTurkey the Wakefield Doctrine ’embrace your secondary aspect!’

November 29, 2014 By

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

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This week marks the start of the holiday Season, with the first of ‘the Big Three’. Thanksgiving is a holiday that mirrors the theme under-lying our own little ‘bloghop-that-Lizzi-built’. Of course, the official holiday allows people to take a day off from work, the better to celebrate gratitude. In contrast, the TToT serves to provide a place where the exercise of (deliberately) choosing to focus on the positive  aspects of life, both good and bad is supported and encouraged. While arguable more practical and directly beneficial, the TToT,  unlike our copycat holiday, does not require or otherwise promote pie ….or stuffing, or  gravy…. or, for that matter, there’s on special silverware and/or plates (“no! you can’t put those in the dishwasher!! they have to be hand washed…they were left to me by your grandmother!”). On the plus side, when the TToT is celebrated, we are not required to:

  • watch parades,
  • go to a semi-stranger relative’s house to spend the entire afternoon
  • … in over-crowded living rooms, thinking about being back at the dorm, where your new friend said she might be get back early too  after
  • …sitting at a full-on, more-forks-than-you-need, cloth-napkined dinner table where you can see (in the reflection off a mirror on the wall) that Pulp Fiction is on the un-watched TV in the living room

But…. we do have our fun here, at the TToT. You’re invited to come join us and we promise that we will not laugh and/or judge anything you might write. (Seriously! you’re reading this Post, right? you don’t hear any disapproval or anything, right? …well, not precisely, the ‘tsk tsking’  that you think you hear is totally in the best of intention.)

1) & 2)    Celebrating Thanksgiving with my family (i.e. Phyllis and Una) and gaining an increased appreciation of the role of secondary aspects!

3) (hypo-Grat Item)… my poor photography skills. The ‘cover photo’, (on the Doctrine homepage, not this page), that black shape with the triangular ears?  That’s Una in her second favorite seat, (#1: the couch in front of the picture window)…. sitting at the table, watching Phyllis prepare food. The thing about Una is, she’s like, almost, totally black. (A couple of small, beige patches above each eye, that it!). Not so easy to photograph with a phone.

4) the Friday Night Vidchat…. with Summer ending* we’re enjoying old vidchat-friends returning to the virtual clubhouse… last night, one of the founding members (and one of two original hostess) Michelle joined us for a short time… (Michelle is on the other side of the globe and so, while we start the chat at 7:30 pm EST,  it was actually early morning Saturday for Michelle….cool)

5) (damn!  almost forgot to explain the photo above! see that baster-thing? look closely…. the silver strip around the middle?   duct tape!  yep, you read that correctly! duct tape!  and therein lies our subtitle.  Phyllis is, as most of you know, a roger with a significant secondary clarklike aspect. In her rogerian world, ‘there is a time and a place for everything’, (if you) measure twice, (you need only) cut once… a stitch in time saves nine’ and….and! ‘there is proper tool for every task’. The thing of it was, 9 am on Thanksgiving morning and the baster-thing decided to develop a split in the rubber bulb part, rendering the thing non-functioning. Of course, I got in the car and drove around to the closed supermarket, the open Cumberland Farms and even the local-giant-drugstore…. no luck. Not a baster to be found. Returned home. It was Phyllis who said, after staring at the non-working kitchen tool,  ‘well, we could use some duct tape’.

6) …questions from new TToT Friends that not only deserve a response, but serve to remind us of the good things that we have at this here bloghop here!

7) in the course of last weekend’s TToT, Kimberly M (@momgosomething)  asked, (in a Comment), about the Book of Secret Rules (aka Secret Book of Rules). What she was asking was, I believe, something to the effect, ‘hey! your secret rule book, do you, like, have Cliff Notes** or what?!’   Great question, Kimberly!  The thing about the BoSR/SBoR, is that while it’s whatever you need it to be, (as you write your TToT Post), the Book of Secret Rules  is not a simple carte blanche, a ‘yeah, go ahead do whatever you want‘. While you can, in fact,   ‘do whatever you want’ in the exercise of the TToT,  the Secret Rule Book permits anything, provided  you’re able to cite the Secret Rule that applies to whatever you need…exception from….the Rules. (and yes, Kimberly, you do see something funny in my own List of 10 things. Fortunately for me, SR 81.3 clearly states, ‘when explaining the BoSR or illustrating the SB0R to newer participants, writer is allowed to count as an Item something surely is not an item….is it?’)

8) Being a semi-post-holiday, with-intimations-of-classical-music-being-appropriate allow me to share the following:

9)  hey! that certainly fun!  (about the embracing of secondary?  oh that!  well  the thing is the photo at the top of this Post is what prompted, in me, to realize that deliberately embracing/encouraging/not-wishing-it-would-go-away, our secondary aspect**** is a good thing! Wait! I already covered that in #5?  ok…. time to get out to work, I guess.

10) SR 1.3***

 

Ten Things of Thankful

 

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* how’s that for staying in touch with reality?

** Cliff Notes :  from the days before there was an internet… well   try to imagine: ‘youtube without the video….or the audio… just information‘, but they were written like a fast forward button was pushed (before there was such a thing as ‘fast forward’).   Example: you were assigned Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’ to read over the Thanksgiving weekend, but never quite found the time? There would be a Hamlet Cliff Notes (“Mel Gibson gets like all mother-fixated, but it’s olden days so the characters mostly just stare at each other, but then some people get killed and things get moving, then most everyone gets killed. Lots of famous quotes. The End”) Like that, except the cover was always yellow and black.

*** the first and still the best of all the Secret Rules!

**** the Wakefield Doctrine: we all find ourselves in one of the three worldviews at a very early childhood age and this becomes (and remains) our predominant worldview. Our predominant worldview is the reality that we experience as we grow up. Our ‘personality types’ are simply the strategies and styles of coping that are best suited to (this particular) reality. However, we retain the potential of ‘the other two’ worldviews and often one (of the worldviews) runs a ‘close second’ to our predominant worldview, this we call our secondary aspect. The thing is, we don’t need to have a secondary aspect. It’s not a math thing, like, say ‘well we have a predominant worldview 93% and so the secondary must be 6% and the tertiary…etc. Many people do not have a significant secondary or tertiary. However, most of you, do.
(and New Readers? if you’re having trouble deciding which of the three is your predominant worldview because it seems most of the time you are one but sometimes another? That’s the indication of your secondary.  A footnote is probably not the ideal place to explain it… but, what the hell it all fun and that’s why god invented Comments!)

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‘Thanksgiving Day 2014’ the Wakefield Doctrine (our traditional Thanksgiving Day re-Post* it’s almost become…dare I say it? a tradition!)

November 27, 2014 By

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine ( the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers) on this eve of Saint rogers’s Day!

Thanksgiving Day1 is the holiday that, if we did not already know that there exists a personality type referred to as a roger,  someone else would have pointed it out to us.  Perhaps the task would have fallen to an Art Professor in a land grant college somewhere  in the Midwest. We can imagine the epiphany …in the middle of the night (during his sabbatical devoted to the study of the works of Norman Rockwell)
“ My god!  Norman’s work is not just a robust and healthy celebration of paedophilia! He has been  trying to tell us to transform our culture!  …for all good Americans to come forth and show their appreciation  of patriotism, consumerism and child-abuse!!”

We have, from time to time, been accused of indiscriminate use of hyperbole in these pages, however, just consider the astounding level of pervasiveness of the  ‘Holiday of Thanksgiving’.  It is not enough to close the Post Office system and all other government agencies2 , no it is not, this Holiday actually attempts to compel normal, rational, adult people to sit in front of the television and watch a Parade involving giant balloon representations of out-of-print newspaper cartoon characters! Who the hell watches the Macy’s Day Parade on purpose?!?  Throughout the entire morning of Thanksgiving, you simply cannot escape the pageantry and spectacle,  broadcast live and has as the ’emcees’,  News Anchors from the major networks morning news shows!  ( ” Thats right, Matt! That’s  Kenny Chesney and Taylor Swift on the Snoop Dog float… it says here that her eye makeup took 12 hours and 6 pounds of aluminum foil chips to create!!” ). Like a  Hieronymus Bosch painting done in ‘live-action’, the whole country is exposed to hours and hours of Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade… more than 3 hours of parade music and floats  (” … hey, Anne isn’t the next float from your hometown”?   “That’s right Al! it’s my old Alma mater,  the East Clydesdale High School Marching Band playing a medley, ‘Straight outta Compton’, ‘Fuck tha Police’ and ‘Gangsta Gangsta’ )

Why do we say Thanksgiving is the most rogerian of all holidays?  Simply because Thanksgiving is about the how, not the why.  As a holiday and a cultural event, this particular holiday tells it’s participants exactly what to do; what to eat and how to cook it!  Taught from childhood, every member of our culture knows precisely how (and) where they are expected to spend the Holiday! Thanksgiving is about family! and if there is anything that rogers fake better than anyone, it is the joyful appreciation and celebration of the family.

But don’t just take my word for it! Following is an excerpt from a Post of the Wakefield Doctrine that was written over a year ago! (and nothing says credibility better than…age)

We all know that “the holidays” are experienced differently by each of the three (clarks, scotts and rogers) and therefore the demands of the celebrations are a very effective illustration of the nature of each. But if there was no Thanksgiving, a roger would have invented it! (Actually, they probably did). Think about it! A holiday celebration that is:

  • based on a factual historical event (sort of)
  • the protagonists (of the story) are religious refugees, persecuted and driven away together on boats
  • food, specific food and a not-to-be-deviated-from Menu
  • ritual menu and a full schedule of events
  • shopping in herds, as the climax of the celebration (Black Friday)
  • a moral taught to the young: we came here, those strangers who helped us were different, (…we had a feast and wiped out their culture)

I will be so bold as to suggest that there is no more rogerian a holiday than Thanksgiving!  And since we are on the subject of rogers and holidays, (sort of),  is there any human activity that is more one sided, over-hyped, ‘expectations-sure-to-fall short’, ( not counting sex on the eve of a relationship breaking up),  than Parades? I don’t care if you are a trombone player in the middle of the herd or someone sitting in their living room watching it on TV, nothing says roger better than Parades!

 

http://www.dailymotion.com/embed/video/x1hp2f_en-vogue-free-your-mind_music

 

1)  the Day that the indigenous people of the North American continent made a gift of their lands and cultures and cuisine to their new European friends.

2)  you do know about the Post Office and rogers, don’t you?

~~~~~ *** ~~~~~

* first printed for Thanksgiving in 2011 this Post has been one of the more popular Posts when re-printed.  New Readers?  the joke in the title has to do with two things:  a) we kid rogers a lot, on their worldviews, ‘i.e. the quantifiable world, the presence of abstract Truths, the celebration of tradition ( exemplified in the horribly, yet indefinably seductive notion underlying the expression heard coming from many a roger while something really cool is happening, “this is wonderful. we’re making a memory here!“)  …be it our child’s high school graduation,  their First Day at School, the pinning of the Prom corsage, the wedding night…. anything is a potential victim to the spontaneity-eating, life-force-sucking, Dewey-Decimal-imposing of a ‘historical perspective (or pre-perspective)’ to an event in the here and now….  2) and, of course we’re so aware of the inherent irony of creating and celebrating a Thanksgiving tradition. In our defense, the Doctrine does tell us that we are not just a clark or a scott or a roger. We are ‘a clark’ or ‘a scott‘ or ‘a roger‘ by virtue of the fact that these are the worldview that we grew up, developed, learned to deal life in…. and, in fact is our personal reality (aka predominant worldview), however, since everyone has the potential to become a clark or a scott or a roger, we always retain the potential to experience the world as do ‘the other two’. This fact is why the Wakefield Doctrine is as much fun as it is, why it’s the best approach to self-improving ourselfs and why, sometimes, as a New Reader you might think, ‘I guess I must be a roger because…. but then I’m sure that I must be a scott, except sometimes….’  sorry, only one worldview to a life…however, if you have very robust secondary and tertiary aspects…well! good on you!.

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scotts the Wakefield Doctrine (“…then obviously we have to do ‘scotts’ in 12.5 minutes, I mean it’s only logical!”)

November 25, 2014 By

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

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Given that most of the current week is, at least in our North American culture, focused on a celebration that is the essence of the rogerian worldview, I thought I’d get a quickie in about scotts*.

The very young human who is left to grow up in the worldview of the Predator, develops certain skills and abilities and traits, all appropriate to thriving and surviving in a reality where it’s (metaphorically, at least):  ‘kill or be killed’ / ‘eat or be eaten’ / ‘fight or flight’ …pretty much all the time.**

We all have a scottian friend. (unless we’re scotts….then we have a clarklike friend (no! not her! she’s just a roger….the other one, the one who, while you might not speak on any regular basis, when you do get together, (be it a month or 13 years later), she picks up where you left off, without the slightest hesitation…that’s your clarklike friend)

scotts!!  they’re the ones who get us in trouble with the Principle in grade school (and)  in trouble with the cops in high school (and) …more frequently than we’d care to admit, in trouble with our spouses in adulthood. We all have a scottian friend. They’re the life of the party and the only person who, like a job applicant on her way to her first serious job interview…curriculum vita in hand, are on the guest list with a pre-emptive excuse from someone. (“Hey, sure it got a little rowdy last time… and he might have broken a lamp, but we all had fun, right?!“), That’s your scott.
Have you ever started the annual chore of cleaning out the gutters, and before you get the ladder set into the proper (and safe) 53 degree angle, you hear  ” Hey!  let me give you a hand!!” and before you can turn around, your neighbor is  climbing the ladder, without holding on with his hands and then stops and then decides it’s easier to just get up on the roof and walk along the edge and clean the gutters that way, rather than have to move the ladder…which is not really that bad an idea, until you see him climbing back up the ladder (you’re not sure how he got back down without seeing him)…. with a leaf blower on his back?  …yep, that’s your scottian neighbor.

scotts: energetic, loyal, mecurial, helpful, sloppy, hot-headed, impulsive, aggressive, natural leaders, inveterate trouble-makers, sexy, short-attention-span(ned), can’t-do-enough-for-others, can’t-follow-instructions-beyond-‘open-caref….’,
male scotts excel at being:

    • mob leaders (and)
    • police officers,
    • gym teachers (and)
    • one-term politicians, (and)
    • surgeons

female scotts excel at being:

  • elementary school Principles (and)
  • sales trainers,
  • being female (and)
  • real estate brokers,
  • actress (ages: 7 to 23 and then 43 to 79) (and)
  • family matriarch

that should hold us, in this ‘week of Herd’! Remember now, the goal of the Wakefield Doctrine is to come to be able to see the world as the other person is experiencing it. Learn the characteristics of the three worldviews, observe the people in your life and when you’re able to correctly infer how they are ‘relating themselves to the world around them’, you will totally know more about the other person than they know about themselves.

… was just Replying to a Comment from Kristi and I think it would be a good way to end today’s post.

“…it (the notion of a secondary and tertiary aspect) is one of the best things about the Doctrine, it would have us believe that, instead of trying to be something we are not (often the biggest encountered on the path of self-developing ourselfs), all we need do is realize the potential that we have to cope with a different world (one shared by ‘the other 2/3rds of the population’). Rather than have to find and learn something new and therefore not genuine to who we are, we need only accept ourselves both ‘as we are’ and ‘as we might have been’. “

 

 

* yes,  cue the ‘elbows and laughter’….pretty much have them ready,  this is about the scottian worldview, after all!

** note to New Readers: the Wakefield Doctrine is predicated on the notion that we all live, to a certain, but not overly weird degree, in a reality that is personal to us… think about, oh I don’t know, the last time you stood in line at the supermarket and the cashier was talking to the the kid who was supposed to be bagging the groceries and everyone is getting impatient, or maybe, lets say you’re at a child/Teacher conference and even though the Teacher is not only very young, but clearly very, very new at his job, and yet,  it’s  becoming abundantly clear that he’s beginning to lecture you on child-rearing practices…. thats where worldviews are found.

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a) 10 , b) Things c) Thankful, d) all of the above -the Wakefield Doctrine- (yeah, why is it, there shouldn’t be too many ‘Ds’)

November 22, 2014 By

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks scotts and rogers)

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You know how when you sit and get an idea for a Post, and at first it’s all, “yeah! what frickin great idea, this’ll knock their socks off!”  but then, as you start to write it, you’re all… “damn! this is a great idea but either I got no clue how to express it, or it’s a monster writing job and there’s like an hour left before I have to leave for:  a) work, b) the Tennis Club c) the soccer field d) the Fields of Wamsutta   … well, am I in or am I out?”

Lets do this thing!

Ok. Fine… a little set-up is in order. This the Wakefield Doctrine and today is Saturday, which means we write a Post to participate in the TToT bloghop-and-weekend-extravangza. Please read the other Posts showing below, then you will not only get an idea of how beneficial an exercise such as this can be, but will enjoy the many outstanding and gifted writers and bloggers who join us each weekend. You’re bound to find something among (these other Posts) that will cause you to stop and think, “you know, now that she said it, I can see how I might look at my situation more positively!  Go TToT!!”

1) I’m grateful to everyone who voted and the Mandate is clear! Thank you! Thank you! I am totally grateful and hope to not let you all down.

2) I am grateful that there is not a lot of discussion of the ‘real world’ in this bloghop ( Lizzi’s efforts on behalf the less fortunate are (an exception)  simply because she is advocates for what she is willing to do, not what others should do… big difference imo   …as to the real world depicted in all our blogs… those are all Tales of lives, the remarkable gift of the blogosphere to us Readers

3) I am way thankful to zoe and Denise and Liz for the stimulation last night*

4) well, sure  I saw the Poll results  (yeah, this is being written before anyone can vote so, there is a certain calculated risk on how I proceed, pollistically-speaking)

(For record,  Phyllis and I have always had a family of ourselves and ‘an only dog’. I used to be fond of saying, “yeah, but the advantage of dogs over human children is that they are always glad to see you when you come home and never get to a point (in their lives) where they have friends that they would rather spend time with and then go off to college.”
That being said, there is always the ‘well you’d have to have children to understand‘ situations.
I just got off the phone ( you see up there…#4?? I wrote that 27. minutes. ago.) When I read a blog Post from a parent, lamenting over the lack of adult romantic time available, what with the kids being just down the hall, I can say with complete conviction, “I understand. I had such a…. ambition  for this Post, what with the clever Polls and funny things I could …stick in them,  gone as surely as a voice in the night, “Daddy I just threw up on Billy”.  … if you don’t mind, I’ll finish this post,  because now it’s time to go to work…  maybe later in the day, I can sneak back here, perhaps I’ll remember the one Poll Questions that were bubbling up in my writers sub-whatever….)

5) Work… I am grateful for my work, even if it causes the occasional ‘postus interruptus‘  like this morning…. hey the photo on the ‘front’ page? that was from yesterday as I drove around rural Connecticut…. I enjoy driving

6) Phyllis.  she is as enlightened a roger as there is out there, which, in all selfishness, is great for me because I not only get a rogerian view of the Doctrine (as I enjoy from Kristi and Michelle) but, she, Phyllis is demonstrating some aspects of the rogerian worldview that is totally furthering my understanding and appreciation of that 3rd personality type

7) …awright…. not an overly funny or exciting (recovery time goes way up as a blogger ages, ya know ) Poll:

8) too soon, right?    $&#*&^^@!!  I really was looking forward to writing  this Post!  I know I should simply accept that, ‘the moment’ has passed and there’ll be another Saturday morning when I can come back and write a Post that will…. knock ya socks off! 

9)  yeah,  zoe…. Lizzi!   one doesn’t mess with the Seven!  play with them and they will mess you up!  Hey!  Sarah…. we still are totally encouraged to comment-thread-jump, i.e. totally interrupt the conversation that occasionally develops when a Comment causes the blog author to see new insights!

10) SR 3.1  (the first and my favorite of the Secret Rules….) hey! if you have any Poll questions that you would like to see here… leave them in the Comments, I’ll be happy to put them in the Post

 

 

Ten Things of Thankful

 

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Join the Ten Things of Thankful Facebook Group



* barum…bump!  no, seriously we were on a Friday Night vidchat and it was all I have come to look forward to….

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back to basics the Wakefield Doctrine ‘clark in 23 minutes, no re-writing or editing allowed*’ Friday Update… now with Polls!!!!

November 20, 2014 By

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

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Seeing how we’re into the Major Holiday Season (Major Holiday Season motto: “no! no need to worry how to feel! we’ve got you covered!“) and, how I’ve promised Kristi an enjoyable Post for that celebration of the rogerian nature, i.e. Thanksgiving, I thought for the next week I would get back to the basics, Wakefield Doctrine-istically speaking. Seeing how this personality theory of ours started out as ‘the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers, lets spend 23 minutes talkin about the personality type that everyone thinks must be quite interesting, (but are secretly glad they are not),  clarks…. (get that timer ready)

clarks. the worldview of the Outsider. given that the Wakefield Doctrine is based on the idea that ‘personality type’ is nothing more than the coping strategies that we develop as we grow up, in response to the world that we find ourselves in, is it any surprise that, when considering a person with the clarklike personality type, that we often are reduced to saying (or yelling, in the case of a scott), ‘why do you insist on making your own life so difficult (on yourself?!)”

a clark awakens to a world that is fascinating, interesting, bursting with potential, hostile-in-an-impersonal-way, full of fear as the background emotion. and yet, the clark is (often) very intelligent, creative, funny and… and this is where are clues to understanding these people, compassionate to a fault. All of this is understandable when you can accept that a clark is a person, like a scott or a roger, but believes that they are living in a world that they are not a part of. ( a clark is the only one to make the observation that ‘they are here and the world is out there‘  and genuinely mean it.) a clark spends their waking hours trying to discover the information, to learn, to find out the secret of becoming a real person. (for a clark, everyone else is a real person….all you have to do is watch them! the scotts are active and confident and don’t seem to care what everyone thinks of their antics and rogers… well, hell  they fit right in, they are friendly without a hint of fear and they know exactly how to do it (whatever it may be!). clarks know that they don’t know. clarks know that they are missing something. clarks also know (and if you really want to know what it’s like to live in the worldview of the Outsider, then know this), clarks know that they must not be discovered. (clarks rarely explore this aspect of their day… the fear of being in the spotlight, the terror of un-invited scrutiny, the risk of being found out as being people who don’t belong.

clarks have a busy life. clarks are often thought to be: intelligent, ditsy, well-read, obstinant, arrogant, kind, stuck-up, lazy and well-meaning-if-only-they-would-apply-themselves. clarks live their lives, each day an opportunity to maybe, this time, discover how to stop the constant self-criticism, willing to work harder than anyone they can see, looking to the people have come to accept as friends (for most clarks, the bond they feel with their few friends is way, way stronger than the bond they feel with their blood relatives), hoping only to someday find the answer.

…out of time!   damn!  sorry, guys  a subtitle is a subtitle!  if you liked this, we can continue tomorrow, otherwise write us a comment and tell us to ‘hurry the hell up and get to the interesting personality types  Hey!!!

* except for the intro to the Post. Just wanted to be clear on that… wouldn’t want anyone thinking I was cheating**

** yeah, add,  ‘irrational concern and focus on the positive regards of total frickin strangers‘  look at the big brain on the new Readers!

******************#############********************

As astute Readers need not to be told, yesterday’s Post included Comments from FOTD (friends of the Doctrine) zoe and Christine  offering insight and advice germane to the topic of yesterday’s Post. As implied* in my Reply to Christine yesterday, heres the Poll!  (Anyone else want to contribute…leave it in Comments and I’ll add to the Poll!

 

* implied aka ‘a clark’s promise‘,  this is when. pressed by well-meaning people (i.e. scotts and rogers) to promise to do something good for themselves, clarks will ‘promise’. the difference between this ‘promise’ and what real people commit to is found in the statement of intent (that underlies the clark’s assent to the request).  that’s not overly clear, should give you an example….   I got it!   you know how scotts and rogers, smile?   …and you know how clarks smile (hint: lips pressed to together, the hint of an up-turning at the corners of the mouth, semi-eye contact, until confirmation that the other person was, in fact, smiling)  that’s ‘a clark’s promise‘.  totally will to go all in, just waiting for full confirmation that we’re not being set up

 

 

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