Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)
Let’s get all holiday-reminiscent on this, the most loud of holidays. Remember the first principle of the Talmud of scotts*: “There ain’t no such thing as too much… well, pretty much anything… but especially sound!!”
From July 3rd 2012:
a chart providing the average shelf-life of ideas for Posts* …..the Wakefield Doctrine ( happy scottian Holiday!)
Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine ( the personality theory that you can learn, understand and use today!! )
childhood memories involving learning to become a better person: …………………………… 6 hours
childhood memories involving learning bad habits and behavior: …………………………… 3 days
childhood memories involving doing something publicly embarrassing to adults: …………. 2 years
adolescent fantasies that result in being scarred for life:
(physically scarred): 3 years (emotionally scarred): 5 years
workplace situations that result in receiving a raise: ………………………………………………… 6 hours
workplace situations that result in being fired: ……………………………………………………….. 3 months
workplace situations that result in being arrested: ……………………………………………………. 4 years
relationship maturity demonstrated in daily life: …………………………………………………….. 1.4 hours
relationship immaturity demonstrated in public: ……………………………………………………… 4 days
a Post trying to illustrate the ephemeral nature of creative ideas: ………………………………….. 75 minutesQuick reminder about the Holiday tomorrow: If you do not know that July 4th is one of the most scottian of holidays, then you need to write in one of the Comment boxes below 50 times
“scotts love loud noises, it lets them believe they can have an effect on the world“.
Seriously, picture the coming Holiday:
- takes place at the height of the Summer season
- eating and drinking to excess is encouraged
- minimal clothing allowed in virtually all public places (including churches and hospitals)
- outdoor sports activities including chasing frisbees, being dragged behind a boat and the use of explosive devices (such explosives, that were it December instead of July, a visit from Homeland Security would be the immediate result)
- …minimal clothing
So for you non-scotts reading this, three July 4th Survival Tips:
- stay indoors
- keep the lights off and the glow of the TV shielded from windows and doors
- turn up the air conditioning and ….wear extra clothes
We hope that helps.
* like the Tao of Pooh? yeah, sure, exactly like that
About clarkscottroger
Still an enjoyable post.
I will attest – if you don’t already know your neighbors, you will know the scott(s) by the fireworks exploded not only day of, but day(s) before and the day after, lol
Remember a couple years ago and I called in to the Drive on July 4th? Our neighbor was launching fireworks into the bamboo patch near our house (and this person lives down below us). It was ridiculously noisy: the kind that rattles the bones and you want to go out with a frying pan and knock someone’s noggin. I still have yet to meet this neighbor (their house is below us as I said, and accessed from a road half a mile away!) but I do know that whoever they are, they are a scott. As a clark, I AM one of those who elects (usually) to stay home and cuddle with four legged fur kids to shield them from the noise. Maybe sit by the fire in the fire pit. Maybe.
yeah, one of the first observations of the Doctrine was how July 4th with it’s sanctioned (heck, encouraged) expression of gratitude with excessive use of explosives lol
this year we got lucky(ish)… the same neighborhood scotts but the window air conditioner in our bedroom finally died and, in early June, we bough a replacement. and… looking at the ones available (and not seeing a pressing need to be able to adjust the temperature setting from anywhere in the world (bluetooth enabled) we opted for a cheap one (with max btus)
is it loud?
yes ’em
perfect for drowning out all but the sub-nuke ‘god bless us tiny tim surface-to-nearby-flamable-woods fun rockets’
Una didn’t mind the reasonable noise
Can we make the Survival Tips a t-shirt too?
lol loving it!!
Excellent idea, Spira!
don’t see why not!
We were “treated” to a show last night, and i’m sure it’s planned again. Maybe we’ll get lucky and it will be rained out.
yeah, and they get all kinds of hurt-puzzled looks when anyone suggests that the battle for America didn’t last for three nights lol