Month: December 2010 | the Wakefield Doctrine

…hello? what?…. hey! it’s for you

December 19, 2010 By clarkscottroger

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

We are happy to be seeing quite a few new faces. If you end up finding the Doctrine an interesting site, in all likelihood you will like it here for one of three reasons:

You never met new information that you didn’t find fascinating to some degree;
There’s some kick-ass music videos and that ALK and this glenn guy they really seem alright
There is a tradition here that goes back at least 35 years, how bad can it be?

First a ‘cook’s tour’¹ of this site: the Wakefield Doctrine maintains that all of us fit into one of three ‘personality types’, we are all of us, a clark or a scott or a roger. What is unique about this theory is that it does not involve taking a test or filling in a survey form that tries to get you to list your likes and dislikes, hates and loves, favourite colors and pet peeves. No, the Doctrine is way easiest, it simply says, “hey you are either a clark or a scott or a roger! (But here is where it gets easy!) here in this blog we will show you how each of the three types ‘look and sound and act’ . Ya find the one that is most like you…bam! now you know your personality type!
Of course, there is much, much more to it than that, but it is real damn simple to start and most of all, it’s fun! And not just fun in the ‘omg I am just like Hilary“! (or Justin or whichever cultural icon appeals to you). No frickin way, this is more fun! How can I say that? Because not only can you and your friends go and look for the rogers and clarks at the mall but you and your friend can talk about how that new teacher is such a scottian bitch and… you, alone in your room can feel that maybe now you know why people are so mean sometimes.

It’s all here in these Posts and Pages and Comments and such. Again we say welcome, make your self at home and if you have any questions just ask! ( Remember…there are no stupid questions, just your questions).

Very good drive through Wakefield last night. Courtesy of the wonders of modern technology, we had Ms AKH and DS#1 in the car with us for the better part of 47 minutes. Damn this Doctrine-thing ‘shore is gettin interesting.
What we did was this: glenn and I started out on our usual trip to Wakefield. Being away for three Saturdays, he and I drove the traditional route, including a stop for gas, (unfortunately neither the alien nor the near-transparent-clark-girl were there) and then we drove down through Galilee to not buy ice cream, finally out to the main road (Rt1a aka Ocean Rd). At that point, just north of Scarborough Beach, AKH was called, put on hold, DS#1 was called, un-hold AKH and there we were…Wakefield with 3 DownSprings and a Progenitor! Can I get a damn!

At first the conversation was the slightly over-energized, off-tempo in a first-time, stage-fright kind of way that you might imagine. But even that was as the Doctrine predicted, i.e. how a clark reacts to stage fright is distinctly different from how a scott would react. But ‘nerves’ quickly dissipated and we settled into quite a stimulating discussion. Very interesting.

Topics revolved, for the most part, around how cool the whole ‘drive to Wakefield’ has very suddenly become. The simple idea that we could have an actual discussion among Progenitors and DownSprings about the Doctrine. Now the thing about this blogsite here, is we try to create a sense of a discussion of the Wakefield Doctrine via the Comments after a Post and everything, but this thing last night was just plain cool.
…damn! it was real. With “actual people” doing what people do when engaged in a challenging and stimulating conversation: contradicting themselves, correcting their last statements, objecting to how their last statement was being interpreted. But in a car. Driving through Wakefield. Discussing the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers.

This will be continued. But before we get out (for now) a couple of the high-points of the conversation:

who was sitting in the front and who in the back (don’t even ask!)
what was the itinerary and why was I stopping on the green lights and driving through the red
how would AKH and glenn get along (never having ‘met’)…
something was said about how cool this would have been if we were younger…(I am embarrassed to take responsibility for that)
the beginnings of a discussion on gender differences, i.e. how is predatory aggressiveness differently expressed in scottian males v scottian females
(decided that that topic should continue in camera, for now and that it would expand to clarks then rogers)
brief discussion about the bad rap that scotts might get when new Readers hear the word: predatory
finally, glenn (somehow) could hear what we have been trying to say about evolution, that properly approached/defined is not a bad thing
this last was the proof of the benefit of these trips to Wakefield
decided next time to try and get AKH to come to Wakefield in person so we can get the roger and DS#1 into the dashboard, then watch world collide

Very good Saturday. Will be adding to this Post throughout the day.

Mr. B? Show us what you have been brought, at such great cost to us here to provide our Readers, yo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbFAEw_Foqw

1. Cook’s tour n Informal a rapid but extensive tour or survey of anything
[after Thomas Cook (1808-92), British travel agent]

Filed Under: Featured, the Wakefield Doctrine Tagged With: humor, personality types, relationships, the Wakefield Doctrine

Pat? I’d like to buy a Vowel!

December 16, 2010 By clarkscottroger

Wlcm t th Wkfld Dctrn (th thry f clrks, sctts nd rgers)

(ha, ha) A little levity to staart us off here.

Readers will have to bear with us, as we search for the ‘voice’ of the Doctrine, 2011-style. We are looking for a combination of: the creativity of the clarks, cranked up to 11 that is characteristic of scotts and yet as conversational and accessible and inviting as is the tone of (most) rogers.
I can hear the Comments, (both written and un-written), out there now. “Why?” (and) “There he fuckin goes again, into the what-if zone” (and) “Hey, don’t worry about trying to sound like someone else, you don’t appreciate yourself enough”
To which I reply: “Because, clark, you need to reach everyone” and “Yeah? well fuck you scott, you try producing content on a reliable basis”, and “Don’t worry roger, no one is going to step on your franchise”. Have I self-referential-ed myself into getting this Post started yet? Or do I need to imagine you people sitting here shouting at my back as I type? Actually…

A new aspect of the Doctrine (blog) is, already happening! As all our Readers know, there is an actual Wakefield and it is driven through by yours truly and our faithful scott, glenn, most every Saturday night.¹ A little side note here ( When the Doctrine first started it was thought that it would become a group effort i.e. Progenitors and DownSprings participating in writing articles and Posts and contributing to the explanation and presentation of the Wakefield Doctrine. Of course, that never materialized, instead each of the original members found their own way of contributing to this thing of ours. But the actual, physical, in the “real world” drives through Wakefield have always been there, nearly every damn week. It is during these drives that the state of the Wakefield Doctrine is discussed and the activity of the DownSPrings and Progenitors is reviewed and sifted through, all in the hopes of generating new ways of explaining/ presenting the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers) to the world. If there is a single place for realtime development and planning of this blog, it is on these drives.
In the last few weeks, we have started to have more than the two of us ‘participate’ in the drive to Wakefield! And this is all possible because of the application of the principles at the core of the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers!²

But today’s Post is not about the benefits of the Doctrine! Today’s Post is about the search for the voice of the Doctrine in the coming year and it is about these Saturday night drives. Let’s take the easy one first! The drives to Wakefield for the past 4 weeks or so have included: the Progenitor roger and glenn; DS#1 and glenn and finally, yours truly and AKH. The exact same drive through Wakefield, but additional voices coming out of the car! The thing that needs to be kept in mind, is that the car that Wakefield is being driven-through-by, has this wonderful capability, with ‘the bluetooth’ of having the person on the phone being on speakerphone and, by all reports, the sound quality is very excellent. Interesting ‘un-intended by-product, the ‘outside’ of the car is not sound insulated, (think of those cars, mostly the Japanese ‘tuners’ driving by with “Mi hottie scottian, ella es tan fina” blasting at 120db!). Our trips though Wakefield have the potential of being like those things, only more annoying, but way scarier! This time of year, of course, hardly anyone on the streets. Come the warm weather, welll! that will be interesting. Hell, if we don’t have tons of Readers coming to this blog, then we will just have to go get them, one at a time. On the streets. ( Picture those old 1950’s cars with PA horns taped to the fenders, blasting out “Vote for me today”…only German luxury car and a real, real strange message…)

Damn! I see these words come out and I am totally taken by the idea…we simply drive around and discuss the Wakefield Doctrine at high volume! (yeah! like that’s gonna get glenn to seek the high road, discourse-wise)…lol I will simply say this:…getting the word out about the Wakefield Doctrine is the most important thing. If it means charges of Disturbing the Peace, or looking/sounding like a scene from Slacker³, hey who am I to get in the way?

Will try to get a little more organised about how we do these Wakefield trips, maybe tape ’em and transcribe them for the blog, who knows. Will be getting interesting.

Hey! Wait! Before you go, just had a thought…how about a phone subscription thing, you know 1-900-WAK-FIELD? Need to work on the technical end, but why the hell not? Any of you more adventurous Readers want to do this, send me an email with your phone number and we will take y’all to Wakefield.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHWeuQyFouo

1. So, as the future screenplay will portray the scene, glenn and I were driving around Wakefield on a Saturday night. Discussion moved to the matter of ‘taking it public’ and I made the statement (not for the 1st time…hell not for the 101st time), “hey, glenn you’re already stealing parts of the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers and working into one of your trainings, how do we get it to be more stand-alone?” To which glenn replied, “I am using it, but the sport I’m in needs to take things seriously, the name, ‘the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers’, it’s too weird, too quirky, you know…clarklike‘! I thought about that as I turned left onto Kersey Rd, “Alright then, we will call it the Wakefield Doctrine“, to which glenn could only say, “Fuck yeah!!” “And I will create a blog and we will take this thing on the road!” That’s how it began.
2. The car that is driven through Wakefield these days is a new car with one of those bluetooth setups so the cell phone calls go through the car’s sound system. The result being, of course, the the caller is in the car. Tell me how effective is this Doctrine thing is, better yet ask glenn what we drove through Wakefield the first year!
3. Only the most clarklike of movies from a most admirable example of success in the world by a clark.

Filed Under: Featured, the Wakefield Doctrine Tagged With: personality types, relationships, the Wakefield Doctrine

hey, hey we’re the Monkees, We may be comin to your Town

December 12, 2010 By clarkscottroger

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and roger)

...clark...scott...roger

You don’t mind if we kinda just set aside the formality a little, do you?
Thanks. Ahh…feels good to type in comic sans after 12 months of Times New Roman, hold on…. hey HEY!!! yeah!….ECHO…echo…echo… lol

Sorry, always wanted to do that. Today’s Post will be our Christmas letter from those of us here to all of you out there. Been a big year not only for the Doctrine, but for a lot of the Progenitors and DownSprings. Had a lot of fun and aggravation and those things that must happen to all family/hobby groups of people that find themselves drawn together by a common interest.
Speaking of common interests, I have a confession to make. While I write this Post I am also trying to channel my inner roger. I know, I know I should ‘be myself’ and ‘write what I enjoy’ but in the last few Posts the topic of communicating and writing style has surfaced and re-surfaced and no matter what I know is the right thing to do, I still am trying to write in a way that is not, “self-referential” obscure and arcane. (damn! did I or did I not just get self-referential with my attempt to not be self-referential?) Fuck it.

So it has been a busy Year around the Doctrine. DownSprings and Progenitors alike have found areas where they could develop new interests, express themselves in new and more creative ways.
Ms. AKH seems to have found her calling in the critical role of Pusher of the Doctrine; we have been without a geek for a number of months and the need to take the Doctrine to a wider audience has never diminished. AKH took it on herself to try and learn what we can do to get this thing in front of as many people as possible. That means a whole bunch of little things that do not necessarily show, links into and around and through the nexus-portico-server-thingie. Anyway, her efforts have been paying off! We have seen visitors from new parts of the world every day. One of the bigger (and sometimes aggravating things) she has done is convince me to write at a place called Hub Pages. It’s kind of a blog site for people not ready to host their own blogs and want to have a lot of company while they do…you know….clarks!

Speaking of rogers, the Progenitor roger launched his own blog, the death-by-Muffin, and being a roger it is taking off by its own damnself. (Remember as a kid building snow forts? And that one time you managed the perfect fort and on that one day, sun was out, cold-as-a-bastard with a steady wind and you sat in the fort looking out, shielded from the wind and the sun seemed actually warm on your face?) Something like, except different. You should go and visit him and leave Comments, which roger will promptly reply to, if you happened to be a scott. (Otherwise hey, you’re a clark…complaining would be…too..risky).

DS#1 has spent the year working behind the scenes, writing, editing and doing various essential things for the Doctrine. Without her efforts this would be a way different year, which to her credit, she has found the time and energy to keep us on track, even as her own personal timeline continues it’s slow and graceful crash into the sea. Frickin clarks! If they could do for themselves, 1/10th of what they do for others, we…we…probably would lose ourselves the free-labor of one more clark.

glenn…our little, naughty scott has been a central figure for much of the year, even when he is spending time in the corner (You know, those old ‘Dennis the Menace’ comics, sitting in that cute little rocking chair bitterly complaining to Ruff, “ya know, Ruff when I get bigger I ain’t gonna let anyone do this to me!! frickin frickers, I’ll frickin hit her so hard, it’ll knock her frickin fricks off”) But we enjoy glenn’s irreverent take on the Doctrine and say what you will about ‘one trick ponys’ he do know his country music. And, if you promise not to tell him, I think he is coming along just fine, evolutionarily speaking, that is.

Phyllis has been quite active in the Doctrine this year, the worst thing that can happen to us, happened to her. Bella, the love of her life died this fall. But as awful as it is to have a loved one die, Phyllis was able to give Bella the perfect day, the perfect death. Accepting this incredibly difficult and painful responsibility, she gave back to Bella what Bella gave to her for 8 plus year, love without reservation, love without a hint of an expectation of pay back. The most amazing thing about that last day was not that everything was done the way that it was, but that Phyllis felt, and therefore gave off the emotion of calmness, acceptance and above all love for Bella. We should all get to die in such a way.

Joanne (our Mistress of Metrics) was the first of all of us to claim some territory (by Right of Hat). She be the proud owner of what was called Washington DC. Not sure if J. will keep the name or maybe just require the residents to wear hats (on their damn heads) or what. But she did what is necessary to claim the place, sent in a photo of herself and her hat (on top of her damn head) in front of an easily identifiable landscape. That easy! Once she ‘broke the ice’ we had Mel claiming most of his home State, “Michigan”, and DS#1 grabbing Daytona (god bless #3!) and yours truly grabbin a big ole chunk ‘o Texas.

Mel was in da house!! Our fellow blogger and most of the time role-model, Mel has continued his jeez-why-can’t-I-write-like-that blog, the Spatula in the Wilderness. He had quite an eventful year, going indie on the blog, learning to run (“ruun, Mel, ruuun!!!) marathons. And he did this thing while wearing a Wakefield Doctrine hat (on his damn head). We wish Mel and the family unit a good year coming up. ( Mel appears to have traded in the Spatula for a blackberry/blackberry-like PDA…good luck there and remember, just ’cause George Forman seems to be allowed to cook a roast in the living room, does not mean that you should prepare food in your office, yo)

New Readers came by this year. Friends of AKH, CY and Doug and “mylife=adventure” (yeah, we shore do gots some funny names ’round here). And don’t want to forget to mention MJ and Ms. Gracemount and Jason ( yo, Jay-son! get that damn blog goin, dude!)

So, all and all it has been a good year. We have added to this Wakefield Doctrine thing of ours and we have lost parts of it, but I guess that is just how it is with families.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRu-oEwA0Ec

Filed Under: Featured Tagged With: clarkscottroger, Personal, personality types, predicting human behavior, relationships, the Wakefield Doctrine

all I ask for, all I pray

December 10, 2010 By clarkscottroger

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

Contest today!

A nearly free hat (for your damn head) to the Reader who provides the best ‘single line definition’ of clarks or scotts or rogers. (for example): a clark is a person who lives most of their lives inside their head, trying to figure out how they should act in the real world.
That sort of thing, nothing too complicated or too offensive or too personal. Of course that pretty much eliminates everyone! Be that as it may, the Contest runs through the weekend. Any and all entries will be included in a Post so that voting can be conducted in an open, fair and impartial manner. The Winner will be entitled to a nearly free¹ Wakefield Doctrine hat (for their dam head).

Why? Why what? Why the Contest? Who wants to know? Well since you ask so politely. We will tell you. We wish to get some really catchy definitions so we can submit them to some online dictionaries. Which ones? What difference does it make? Will it make any difference which ones? When you send one in we will announce where we will want to place the definitions. We are getting tired of this ‘start with a W thing, now’. Won’t you just stop asking questions and send us what you got? Wonderful!

Enough with the ‘sperimental Writing 101. Today’s Contest is for real. All of us know what the goal of the Wakefield Doctrine blog. It (the goal) is to spread the awareness and understanding of the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers to as many people as possible. If enough people (probably the clarks ) ‘get’ this Doctrine thing and they tell their scottian friends who will in turn force all the nearby rogers to join in the game of find the clark, spot the scott, endure the roger in their own locality.

Attention Readers!! ( no, the person frickin standing behind you!…of course I mean you… ) It is being brought to my attention that you really only pay attention when it is a scott talking to you. Or maybe a roger when you are in the mood for story-telling. But if a clark is talking you find it so, so easy to ignore.

Why is that? Since we are in a Contest mode, lets add a Bonus Question!

For a totally free Wakefield Doctrine hat (for your damn head) the best answer to the following Question:

Why do people listen to scotts before they listen to clarks and/or rogers. (and does it matter how little sense the scott is making?)

Come on down.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poiCzMOvkKk

Hey, Reader let’s see that scott that you always turn and pay attention to just because they are barking so loud, go ahead and ask them to come up with something like this next vid…go ahead I double dare you!!

1) the nearly free part refers to the requirement that winners agree to send in a photo of their hat (with or without their damn head underneath) taken in front of a recognizable local landmark. Contestants are reminded that by power vested in the ‘right of hat’ they are empowered to lay claim to any part of the world that has not already been claimed.

Filed Under: Featured, the Wakefield Doctrine Tagged With: clarkscottroger, personality types, the Wakefield Doctrine

‘Cause my uncle took the message and he wrote it on the wall

December 8, 2010 By clarkscottroger

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

You know how we discussed Thanksgiving as being the perfect rogerian holiday? Of course you do! So, you are no doubt thinking to yourself, what’s the deal with Christmas? The answer:

scott (adj; scottian) If there is a more scottian holiday than Christmas I do not know what it is, unless you include Valentine’s Day. Which we won’t discuss ’cause that be just plain confusing, will not be a discussion of how it is that Valentine’s Day is a scottian holiday (hint: emotional vulnerability and carte blanche to send a ‘message of love’ to total and near-total strangers).

But that is not the topic today! Today the topic is Christmas as the primary scottian holiday. Why is that you ask? One word:

Christmas Lights!

Tonight as you drive home, you will know which of your neighbors is a scott. (As will any person passing within a mile, including but not limited to jetliners making the final approach if there is an airport in your community). It is said that Einstein spent his life looking for a Grand Unified Theory, which would connect all forms of energy through one elegant statement. Well, Albert! I can help connect sound and light: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! GODDAMN LOOK AT MY HOUSE!! HAVE I LEFT ANY SPACE UNLIT??!!
Such is the gentle message on the day of the birth of our Saviour, courtesy of our scottian friends.

There should be some sort of ‘tie-in’ to the discussion going on in the previous Post. Said discussion being:

…If the scott in DS’s scenario saw another scott, then it’s just a matter of sorting out the pack order.
If he sees a roger, then it’s a matter of hunting now or later; now would be preferable if there were an audience. If he sees a clark, he may have an ally, but must consider a clark a threat until the alliance has been established. clarks are known to occasionally reprimand a scott, given the circumstances; and that could be very costly to the scott, especially if the exchange was observed by other pack members.

(the previous being the Progenitor roger‘s continuing of the conversation initiated by DS#1.) The roger’s point is well taken, scotts hunt usually as solitary predators but on occasion there will be a pack formed in a particular circumstance and (as roger) points out, the dynamics change. It is important to point out that scotts prefer to hunt alone. Observe 2 scotts at, say a Christmas party, if you could watch their movements, as from afar (in other words, as a clark) you would notice that the scotts would be at ‘opposite ends’ of the room. By definition each would be aware of the other, but there normally is not a competition for prey between scotts. Always be plenty of rogers, yo,

But as to the larger, albeit more informative question: “when is it safe to approach a scott“? The Doctrine answer is, depends on if you are a clark or a scott or a roger.

If you are a clark, then it is always “safe” to approach a scott as long as you have a rolled up newspaper handy
If you are a roger, then it is always “safe” to approach a scott as long as you are in the mood for dinner ( being dinner, that is)
If you are a scott, then it is always safe to approach another scott…it would be fun (like those videos of the pack playing with their prey, tossing it up in the air to give everyone a chance at it?)