Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)
You know how we discussed Thanksgiving as being the perfect rogerian holiday? Of course you do! So, you are no doubt thinking to yourself, what’s the deal with Christmas? The answer:
scott (adj; scottian) If there is a more scottian holiday than Christmas I do not know what it is, unless you include Valentine’s Day. Which we won’t discuss ’cause that be just plain confusing, will not be a discussion of how it is that Valentine’s Day is a scottian holiday (hint: emotional vulnerability and carte blanche to send a ‘message of love’ to total and near-total strangers).
But that is not the topic today! Today the topic is Christmas as the primary scottian holiday. Why is that you ask? One word:
Christmas Lights!
Tonight as you drive home, you will know which of your neighbors is a scott. (As will any person passing within a mile, including but not limited to jetliners making the final approach if there is an airport in your community). It is said that Einstein spent his life looking for a Grand Unified Theory, which would connect all forms of energy through one elegant statement. Well, Albert! I can help connect sound and light: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! GODDAMN LOOK AT MY HOUSE!! HAVE I LEFT ANY SPACE UNLIT??!!
Such is the gentle message on the day of the birth of our Saviour, courtesy of our scottian friends.
There should be some sort of ‘tie-in’ to the discussion going on in the previous Post. Said discussion being:
…If the scott in DS’s scenario saw another scott, then it’s just a matter of sorting out the pack order.
If he sees a roger, then it’s a matter of hunting now or later; now would be preferable if there were an audience. If he sees a clark, he may have an ally, but must consider a clark a threat until the alliance has been established. clarks are known to occasionally reprimand a scott, given the circumstances; and that could be very costly to the scott, especially if the exchange was observed by other pack members.
(the previous being the Progenitor roger‘s continuing of the conversation initiated by DS#1.) The roger’s point is well taken, scotts hunt usually as solitary predators but on occasion there will be a pack formed in a particular circumstance and (as roger) points out, the dynamics change. It is important to point out that scotts prefer to hunt alone. Observe 2 scotts at, say a Christmas party, if you could watch their movements, as from afar (in other words, as a clark) you would notice that the scotts would be at ‘opposite ends’ of the room. By definition each would be aware of the other, but there normally is not a competition for prey between scotts. Always be plenty of rogers, yo,
But as to the larger, albeit more informative question: “when is it safe to approach a scott“? The Doctrine answer is, depends on if you are a clark or a scott or a roger.
If you are a clark, then it is always “safe” to approach a scott as long as you have a rolled up newspaper handy
If you are a roger, then it is always “safe” to approach a scott as long as you are in the mood for dinner ( being dinner, that is)
If you are a scott, then it is always safe to approach another scott…it would be fun (like those videos of the pack playing with their prey, tossing it up in the air to give everyone a chance at it?)
About clarkscottroger
Hell, I didn’t realize there were so many scotts in my neighborhood!! However, being a scott myself, I must say that I’m more of the subtle “stealth mode” modus operandi. No lights ablaze at my place. And while, for the most part, scotts thrive on their obsessive need to be bigger and better than others, there are also some of us who employ the effective “spider-like” quality. You know, big smile, seemingly befriending, pat on the back while the web is woven. And it’s a sticky one. Good luck trying to get out of it.
You are correct, the MO for scotts does in fact vary. And it looks like, with the raising of the level of discourse here at the Doctrine among the DownSprings and Progenitors (at least until a certain DownSpring gets back from vacay) we are needing to discuss the gender differences.
Point in fact, what makes a scott a scott is the hunger, (notice I did not use the word appetite.) scotts are always hungry and given that you people are born into a world of fat slow-moving birds (thanks to the Progenitor roger for that expression) and being by nature predatory.
You hunt.
The obvious gender related difference in (hunting) technique does nothing to diminish the fact that scotts hunt
(rogers graze and clarks hope for an un-attended refrigerator)
The spider-style of hunting leaves the victim no more un-effected than does the leap off a nearby outcropping and driving the victim to the ground.
…and what was it that spider wives prefer for a post-coital snack?
…oh yeah….Mr Spider! lol yo glenn when they say, “you know what would really be good before…?” run away!
Just puttering around, trying to remember where I put that damn brain glue……….
Since I cannot find the glue I will have to get back to you with the cohesive thoughts on the topic of gender differences for surely there are. All in all though I am in agreement that the Wakefield Doctrine over all is gender neutral.
Sort of a silly aside (remember I can’t find the glue ) was wondering – our modern day Santa Claus. Is he a benevolent roger? An ambivalent scott? An amnesiac clark?
…a very friendly, in fact jolly person who keeps records on the behavior of all people and when done judging the lives of each of us…who then rewards and punishes those you ‘deserve it’… a fairly complete description of a roger, I would say.
Sounds more like DCYF.
DCYF… lol
yep, love ’em and eat ’em…. i mean love ’em and leave ’em. either way they (glenn) are not coming out on top. (no pun intended….. yeah right.)
yeah glenn, you better run. no time for a cigarette
how ironic is that? a scott running. lol but of course we all know that they won’t because it is not the nature for a scott to run. they (scotts) are so sure of themselves. and having just “had their way” as it were in the spidey scenario they would of course consider it a just another successful hunt.