Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

Reprint?

Who just said reprint?!?!

Ok… ok, but only because its short and from 2010.*

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine  (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

You know how we discussed Thanksgiving as being the perfect rogerian holiday? Of course you do! So, you are no doubt thinking to yourself, what’s the deal with Christmas? The answer:

scott (adj; scottian) If there is a more scottian holiday than Christmas I do not know what it is, unless you include Valentine’s Day. Which we won’t  discuss ’cause that  be just plain confusing, will not be a discussion of how it is that Valentine’s Day is a scottian holiday (hint: emotional vulnerability and carte blanche to send a ‘message of love’ to total and near-total strangers).

But that is not the topic today! Today the topic is Christmas as the primary scottian holiday. Why is that you ask? One word:

Christmas Lights!

Tonight as you drive home, you will know which of your neighbors is a scott. (As will any person passing within a mile, including but not limited to jetliners making the final approach if there is an airport in your community). It is said that Einstein spent his life looking for a Grand Unified Theory, which  would connect all forms of energy through one elegant statement. Well, Albert!  I can help connect sound and light:  MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! GODDAMN LOOK AT MY HOUSE!! HAVE I LEFT ANY SPACE UNLIT??!!
Such is the gentle message on the day of the birth of our Saviour, courtesy of our scottian friends.

There should be some sort of ‘tie-in’ to the discussion going on in the previous Post. Said discussion being:

…If the scott in DS’s scenario saw another scott, then it’s just a matter of sorting out the pack order.
If he sees a roger, then it’s a matter of hunting now or later; now would be preferable if there were an audience. If he sees a clark, he may have an ally, but must consider a clark a threat until the alliance has been established. clarks are known to occasionally reprimand a scott, given the circumstances; and that could be very costly to the scott, especially if the exchange was observed by other pack members.

(the previous being the Progenitor roger‘s continuing of the conversation initiated by DS#1.) The roger’s point is well taken, scotts hunt usually as solitary predators but on occasion there will be a pack formed in a particular circumstance and (as roger) points out, the dynamics change. It is important to point out that scotts prefer to hunt alone. Observe 2 scotts at, say a Christmas party, if you could watch their movements, as from afar (in other words, as a clark) you would notice that the scotts would be at ‘opposite ends’ of the room. By definition each would be aware of the other, but there normally is not a competition for prey between scotts. Always be plenty of rogers, yo,

But as to the larger, albeit more informative question: “when is it safe to approach a scott“? The Doctrine answer is, depends on if you are a clark or a scott or a roger.

If you are a clark, then it is always “safe” to approach a scott as long as you have a rolled up newspaper handy
If you are a roger, then it is always “safe” to approach a scott as long as you are in the mood for dinner ( being dinner, that is)
If you are a scott, then it is always safe to approach another scott…it would be fun (like those videos of the pack playing with their prey, tossing it up in the air to give everyone a chance at it?)

 

* at this point in the process, we had not formalized the expression of ‘the Everything Rule’. New Readers would be well advised to acquire a familiarity with this most auspicious Rule.¹

1.  but the abbreviated definition. (Sure, the website is hard to search… but back when this was new, Readers had to simply ‘back-button’ through as many posts as necessary to find specific information.) the Everything Rule states: ‘Everyone does everything at one time or another.’**

** back-button be right up there on the left, binyon. Get