humor | the Wakefield Doctrine

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

February 15, 2011 By clarkscottroger

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers )

What day of the week is it? Yes!! It’s Timely Topic Tuesday!! Today is the one day a week that we go out into the ‘real world’ (…nah, that shits not real, it’s like the reality shows on TV, except there is a film crew in the basement that you never quite catch, and they pay your wife/husband to not give the secret away… )
In any event, we will try the Topical Humor/News Parody Approach in our never ending efforts to find the ‘killer app’ the thing that will have people on TV saying, “oh man he is such a roger!” or ” Did you see Lisa? Not too scottian huh?”

Here is today’s news story. Ripped from monitor that was dialed into Yahoo News ( …if you don’t like this, we can make stuff up… ) It appears that the story is from the AP and because I am citing this for attribution they might give us a pass down in the copyright department.

Will Palin’s unconventional style bring success?

By LIZ SIDOTI, AP National Political Writer Liz Sidoti, Ap National Political Writer – 2 hrs 20 mins ago

WASHINGTON – She says what she wants, does what she wants and makes no apologies, (what can we say, we’re sorry?). And love her or hate her (Hate her! Over here! Hate her!!), you can’t really argue with this: Politics as usual has never been Sarah Palin’s style.

“I wasn’t wired to play that game, of course, I am wireless, there’s this little modem thingie,” the former Alaska governor says in “Going Rogue,” pointing both to her lower back and somewhat towards the side of her head and the nearby campaign van.

As she weighs whether to seek the presidency, it’s hard not to wonder: wtf? Can she bypass conventional politics and succeed? Will she even try?

The woman whom one potential GOP challenger, former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty, calls “a force of nature”, like a really bad rain storm, when all the drains back up, and water, like bubbles back up in the street?

Palin certainly doesn’t look the part of a traditional candidate. She’s a woman — an attractive one — in a MILF sort of way, probably more attractive on TV than in person, says one industry analyst. With her “You betchas,” she doesn’t sound like most politicians. She’s from Alaska, a state hardly known for producing presidents, instead more known for the Sargent Preston TV series and the one Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs accidently comes up in….nevermind!, according to one political consultant, she’s not afraid to sound stupid, and that’s what the voters want these days, they are tired of being treated like adults.

“In the way JFK was the first made-for-television president, she may be the first made-for-Facebook president,” Gillespie says, except with less intelligence, but a better body.

Palin has also carved out other avenues to promote herself. She’s a bestselling author, a reality-show star, a big draw on the paid speaking circuit, a Fox News commentator. No other American politician can lay claim to such a broad multimedia platform, except the late Soupy Sales or possibly (the even later) Pat Paulson.

But Palin’s fans — a narrow slice of the electorate — seem to like her style.

Listen to Sandy Parten of Honey Grove, Texas, a conservative who likens Palin to the title character that James Stewart played in the movie “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.” Says Parten: “I like her because she’s not part of the establishment. She’s more a woman of the people than a woman of the elite. Kinda like a people person with a dress on, but not like that Ru Paul person, more like the high school Homecoming Queen, but without the grades. And maybe friendlier, you know, not like Sally Watson in our class, she was such a…”

To her, Palin is refreshing — and authentic. “I’m tired of everybody trying to please everybody all the time,” says Parten, 66. “She doesn’t. Please. Them…I think, except sometimes..late at night”

And hear from Donald Dixon, 74, a Republican from Little Falls, N.Y., who likes seeing Palin do the things he’d do, like hunting and fishing. “It’s like she doesn’t have an ax to grind politically,” he says. “She isn’t out there to please any entity. She’s one of us ’Cept not an old man, she could probably fish a little, but I wouldn’t take her huntin, she might provoke the bears.

Comments like these give credence to arguments by Palin’s allies that her buffalo chips-fall-where-they-may attitude could attract a GOP primary electorate that, during last year’s elections, showed a disdain for Washington and the Republican Party, and even Gloria Estefans, Miami Sound machine.

All that gives Republican observers pause.

“Palin may like the image that she has now of being the conservative diva,” says Ken Duberstein, Ronald Reagan’s White House chief of staff. “But I’m not sure that she wants to get on stage with the old-time divas. Celine Dion is a force to contend with and she might hold her own, but in the real election she would have to face Barbra Streisand and even Palin’s own people are cautious. Barbra? That’s spelled kinda funny, ain’t it? And she’s in New York! why that’s farther away than Russia!”

Thats all for today! Mr. B!! yo, get us some walkin music and remember, when the lawyers for Yahoo or the Palin Campaign or Celine Dion show up, the answer is one word: Attribution and Parody.

Filed Under: Featured, the Wakefield Doctrine Tagged With: humor, personality types, the Wakefield Doctrine

3 Personality Types + 3 Money-Making Ideas + the Wakefield Doctrine

February 2, 2011 By clarkscottroger

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers )

A lot of ground to cover, so as we say in the backroom, “bring on the blockquotes!” We will try to make this brief, we have a small amount of material to spread out in a way that makes it look like a regular Post, so lets get to it.
You are probably saying to yourself at this moment, “Hey! I thought that the Wakefield Doctrine was a serious and thought-provoking blog, what with their totally cool take on the three personality types. I was looking forward to learning more about those creative, introspective, endearingly shy clarks! And what about more on scotts, which as personality types go, all I need to do is find my Jack Russell terrier. I enjoy reading this blog and learning how, the scottian personality types have the natural spontaneity, guile-less charm of a 6 month old baby. I even felt in the mood to read about those rogerian people, god knows they are all around and you can’t swing a sleeping scott without hitting two of them. So what’s up with the Get Rich and News Parodies?”

Dear Reader, sorry for the interruption in what you all have come to expect from the Doctrine. But, to step on my own lines, we are in Sweeps Week. And that means hits and ratings and visits and anything else that will convince the Powers that Be that the Wakefield Doctrine continues to be read by strangers and followed by fans.
So please bear with us as we will be doing one, maybe two more Posts that include keywords in the Title and ‘the content’ will be more focused on the amusing and be more relevant to the lives of today’s blog enthusiasts, (we will soon get back to Posts that make sense to no one other than the author and his 6 or 7 loyal friends who are like totally appreciated.)

So first to the Economy! Following is a Secret to Earning Quick Bucks…sure to be meaningful to those of you speed-reading blogs before they can cut off your cable service.

Blogging for money is another money making idea that actually works. Blog is a simple platform that looks much like a website. The only difference is that blogs are always updated with fresh content while websites are not. No matter where you live, in this era of internet, you can setup a blog within hours and start making money from it. By monetizing your blog with Google AdSense and Affiliate Programs, your blog will become a money maker for you. I know a decent number of people who are making money from blogs. I too make some extra income monthly from my blog and I advice you to start too. …unknown practitioner of the Wakefield Doctrine, probably some roger.

That was very helpful. Be sure to try it. Now on to our second feature Current Events!

Courtesy of Yahoo ( “where if the news doesn’t sound scary, we will make up titles and add pictures!”) News. The Wakefield Doctrine continues in it’s efforts to find the niche (stop laughing scott, you should have your mind washed out with metaphorical soap…or is that allegorical detergent… ) that will get us the kind of popularity that Mel gets over at the Spatula (motto: “well, Doctrine guys if you wrote funny and entertaining articles that would pass a 6th grade English composition test, you might get a lot of visits too…just kidding, luv you guys, watch for the Spatula After Hours, cable TV show coming soon!” )

But since this is Sweeps Week on the Internet, we will try one more News Parody, Doctrine-Style! Ripped from the monitors of today’s news sites….the Doctrine News for the People Smart Enough to Ignore all the News!!!

‘Jihad Jane’ Terror Suspect Pleads Guilty

PHILADELPHIA — A suburban, possibly endurban woman who was the live-in caretaker for her boyfriend’s elderly father, who now as a widower had to move in with his son, despite the fact that no one thought it was a good idea, calmly told a U.S. judge, who was filling in for another judge Tuesday, even though he was supposed to work on Thursday, last week that she had worked feverishly, but was sure to take aspirin and drink plenty of water online under the name “Jihad Jane” or as some of her friends called her, Crusader Colleen in support of Islamic terrorists, Muslim moderates and Arabian activists and moved overseas to further her plan to kill a Swedish artist, and part time student who had offended Muslims, amused Protestants, and barely got the attention of Catholics

Colleen LaRose, 47, but in person looks like a scary 37, faces the possibility of life in prison which tends towards the boring, after all what kind of life is it when your entire wardrobe is orange, after pleading guilty to four federal charges, including conspiracy to murder a foreign target, conspiracy to support terrorists and lying to the FBI, exaggerating to the CIA, dissembling to the Defense Dept. and making up stories to the Mossad.

LaRose, who spent long hours caring for the father, also was building a shadow puppet life online from 2008 to 2009, unless you count the time the computer was offline, which it was a lot, the internet provider was so bad you really should consider it 2008 and 2009 and parts of 2010. According to prosecutors, LaRose “worked obsessively on her computer, spending months at a time in Farmville trying to communicate with, recruit and incite other jihadists, until she realized that her crops were being sabotaged by “facebook friends” using screen names including “Jihad Jane,” “SisterOfTerror,” and “ExtremeSister4Life,” “Happy2BHere,”.

Well, that wraps up another soon-to-be-classic Wakefield Doctrine Post.

Mr. B would you provide us with some music that makes no sense together on the same Post?

(One of the three Carter sisters that are standing is a clark, do you know which one?) (no, not that one…)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jipNWXViY8

Filed Under: Featured, the Wakefield Doctrine Tagged With: humor, Personal, personality types, predicting human behavior, psychology of personality, relationships, the Wakefield Doctrine

3 personality types as described in the Wakefield Doctrine

January 28, 2011 By clarkscottroger

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine ( the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers )

With today’s Post, we are going to get all search friendly. We will be using and placing keywords like clarkscottroger, personality theory and 3 personality types. The reason that this makes us ‘search friendly’, is that when a person does a google search (for say personality types), google ‘goes out’ and surveys every site in the internet and when it spots a keyword, that particular site will be included in the search results. Given how we want people to hear about and learn about the Wakefield Doctrine and it’s incredibly useful and unique advice on relationships and other personal matters, we thought we would try to give the google a hand. We are aware of this search-ability thing because our own DownSpring, Ms AKH says so. Far be it from us to question a scott in possession of specific technical information. Ms. AKH has been totally at work trying to figure out how we can get the Doctrine in front of everyone on the internet. Aided by her trusty sidekick Doug, (think Batman and Robin…only not as gay) she has made suggestions with a persistence that while not as much fun as the Death by a Thousand Cuts, does have an effect over time.

The Wakefield Doctrine is a unique way to look at the people in your life. Your family and your friends, your co-workers and fellow students. Everyone. The viewpoint, the perspective that the Doctrine offers you is incredibly helpful. Very simply, we think that the more you understand about other people, the better your life can be. If that does not make sense to you then perhaps you might have more fun at a blog like, knitting-for-fun-with-Eloise.com or wrenches-and-girls-by-steve.com (tell ’em the Doctrine sent you).

Have you ever had someone say something or do something that caused you say to yourself, “Why would they do ( or say) something like that?” You know how it feels. One minute you are enjoying the company of another person and the next minute they do something that you just did not see coming. And it isn’t always the mean or cruel or spiteful things, sometimes it is the just the un-expected things that make you wonder about the other person. The kind of actions or statements that has you wondering if you really know that person or not. And it is usually nothing overly dramatic, one of your children begins to do their chores without having to be asked, or your husband compliments you on something that you did without thinking.
If you have ever been in any of these situations, the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers is just what you need.

There are more theories of personality, personality types and 20 Questions Schedules that offer to tell you who you should marry/ go out with/ get rid of/ try to be more like, out there in the world than you can virtually shake a digital stick at. Everywhere you turn, someone is telling you that they can help you figure it all out (whatever ‘it’ may be…perfect mate, lose weight…find job or the perfect line to get that girl of your dreams…). So, your question at this point should be, Why another Three Personality Types?

Because you have not yet found the one that you really are satisfied with, an approach to life that you believe is helping you get what you want, otherwise you would not still be reading this here blog here, would you now?

So, in closing we will pose the question floating above many Readers heads ( you know, those thought balloons that cartoon characters have over their heads to indicate thought as opposed to speech): So what? Why should I bother trying to understand another person?

Answer: No reason. At least there is no reason that can come from us. We know we like the Wakefield Doctrine and we also appreciate the value we find from knowing about clarks, scotts and rogers. Chances are, if you have read this far and still want to see something written that will convince you that this is the real deal, personality types-wise, then you need to get on back out there, keeping searching the internet for the answer. The Doctrine is not for everyone. Hey, who knows? You might find a site that will take you by the hand and guide you to happiness. You never know, it might happen.

So, here is the lowdown on the Wakefield Doctrine.

Everyone is born with the potential to experience the world in one of three characteristic ways:

an outsider never a part of, feeling shy yet never going un-noticed, creative yet un-willing to take credit for their creations, living inside their heads, trying to have a life sustained by the energy from remembering past triumphs and fearing future defeats and searching for the knowledge that will change it all
a predator, always on the prowl, living in the world of predator and prey constantly on the alert for (larger) predators and never resting in the hunt for food, eschewing the subjective and reflective life beyond eat, sleep, defecate and reproduce…in other words, a natural leader
a member of: the team, the family, the group, the community, the world is one of rules and standards, the highest good is to preserve the past and the most efficient way to accomplish that is build structures, physical and social and cultural and moral, your legacy is that you are what you identify with

…and at a certain age we become predominately one of these three. Our personalities, our traits of behavior are simply appropriate responses to the world we experience, given the ‘bias’ described above.

We retain the qualities of the other two characteristic ways. With some people, they are extremely ‘of the one type’ and as such, their capacity to see the other two viewpoints is deeply buried, out of reach. Others, such as the people here at the Doctrine (and by definition, you the Reader ) are not as caught up in their predominant viewpoint and can imagine the world of the other two.

So come on down. Glad to have you. Read this stuff and write a Comment and ask for a hat. Go visit Friends of the Doctrine like girlie-on-the-edge and KJ Workman

But we always try to have fun here…

enough frivolity!

Filed Under: Featured, the Wakefield Doctrine Tagged With: clarkscottroger, humor, Personal, personality types, predicting human behavior, relationships, the Wakefield Doctrine

“Klaatu barada nikto”… bitch

January 15, 2011 By clarkscottroger

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

Lets be realistic. You, me and you over there, and the guy from frickin Ukraine, we all get a kick out of clickin on the ‘Doctrine and seeing some photos that (at first) seem reasonable, then suddenly makes you laugh. And you, and that new person from Mel’s home State ( “Michigan …the one with the really cool-looking Lake“) and a couple of ‘people’ from some country I didn’t know even existed ( Norrkoping Ostergotlands, Lan??! ) drop by once a week or so to read a few Posts, I guess. I don’t really know. Now, at this point, we usually say something about how fuckin grateful we are that you come to our little blog and how hard everyone here works at keepin this thing going… but you already knew that. And that is most likely our problem. predictability. A Rut. Same ole, Same ole. Hey! we’re the Wakefield Doctrine, listen to us talk about our little club…yeah, listen to us….this is a printed medium, you are no more listening to an actual conversation than you would be if you mailed a frickin questionnaire to you friends that read: “At tomorrow’s party please have answers prepared for the following questions”. Listen in…no that is not true. And it is our fault.

For all of what we claim, the Wakefield Doctrine being a “unique and productive insight into the personalities of the people in our lives…” blah…blah…hey glenn! aren’t you supposed to find something really offensive to say here?…oh! “DS#1” go for the ‘I am so quiet and precocious…don’t you see how underestimated I am?”….
hell! even this little rant…fuckin go back to the Fall of 2 frickin 09 and you will see this same damn thing in the first 3 Posts that you come across…

Clearly this thing of ours is getting too comfortable. And as glenn says, ‘hey you gotta make ’em squirm, you’ve lost your edge’….(hey, glenn? speaking of losing your edge, you want a bottle of seltzer and a cream pie to go with your schtick? they’ll love it, it’ll be soo retro…don’t worry…you’ll still be out-fuckin-rageous/ I can’t believe he actually said that, man that guy is crazy…)

Whatever.

So here’s the deal.

We keep producing these Posts so you can listen to songs that you forgot you liked and you tell someone about this site. Today. Right now. Anyone. Does not matter. The girl in the cubicle next to yours. Your secretary or your supervisor. Your suite mate at your dorm or your lab partner in biology class. Your damn sister, if that’s all you got. And you say this:

“Hey I found this blog. They said I have to tell one other person to go and see it. Their url is https://wakefielddoctrine.com Go there and visit the site.”

Now, the stupider ones among you are thinking, ‘yeah well how are they gonna know I did that’. Hey Reader, look to the right edge of this window. See that section titled: Live Traffic Feed? Says Wyoming and New Symrna Beach? What do you think that means?

We’ll know.

Now get goin. Maybe we’ll be here when you get back.

The Wakefield Doctrine is predicated upon the idea that everyone experiences the world/reality differently, from one of three overlapping but distinctive perspectives. It also proposes that our personalities are but a result of our perception, of our habitual responses to the world. The Wakefield Doctrine maintains that this characteristic perception of reality can be grouped into three distinct types, called for reasons stated elsewhere, clarks, scotts and rogers.

Born with the potential to view the world in one of these three ways, all people possess the characteristics of all (three) but soon (by age 7 or so) ‘become one of the three. Put another way: we also possess the potential to see the world as a clark or a scott or a roger. It is only the predominance of qualities from one (over the other two) that makes us what we are. No one is only clarklike or scottian or rogerian.

The value of the Wakefield Doctrine is that once you can see the world ‘through the eyes’ of another, behavior becomes understandable. If a scott sees the world as a predator (would) then all action is predicated on interacting with the world as a predator. This is distinctly different from a roger, who seeing the world as a social being, predicates action and reaction on the basis of a world in which the interactions of the herd is the dominant theme.

Yeah…sure, why the hell not.

Filed Under: Featured, the Wakefield Doctrine Tagged With: clarkscottroger, humor, Personal, personality types, predicting human behavior, psychology of personality, relationships, the Wakefield Doctrine

Communication is the problem to the answer

January 6, 2011 By clarkscottroger

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

Contest! Contest!!! (yeah….CONTEST!)
See the photo above here on this Post? Well that, folks is the (actual) first television that your humble Progenitor bought with his own damn money. Today’s Contest is very simple:

Guess the brand TV and win a (nearly free) hat (for your damn head)!!!

….Sorry, folks. Contest is cancelled.
‘Fraid I came up with the Contest without giving any thought to where the hell we are, i.e. the Internet! (…internet…you know…where virtually all information is available at the click of a mouse? …as in cut-paste-search image of TV and the answer comes up nearly imeediately? yeah, kinda ruins the fun of a good identify-the-artifact contest.) Gotta cancel, it just would not be fair to the clarks out there.¹

But, hey since you are all here and clearly excited about winning a (nearly free) hat (for your damn head), let’s make a couple little, tiny changes to this here Contest here and get some (damn) heads be-hatted! So here we go, a Three Question Contest!!! (yaay!)

La cuestión es Frist: The television in the photo here was purchased at Sil’s Loans. This was a pawnshop, of course, located on the 5th floor (of a building) on Empire St in Providence RI. Sil was a little white-haired guy who smelled bad, and had a high-pitched voice (think Mickey Mouse trying to speak in a bass voice). The building (that Sil’s Loans was located in) was one of those 1940’s building that had a self-operated elevator in the lobby (that also smelled of cigars and urine). The pawnshop was in the middle of the row of what today you would call ‘office suites’ and these offices all had doors with white frosted glass panes in their upper half and a transom window over the whole thing (these transom windows were actual functioning tilt-in windows). These transom windows were significant ,as you would be able to hear Sil arguing with ‘clients’ as soon as you stepped out of the elevator. Annyway….the Question is this: who found Sil’s? (the Progenitor) scott or roger?

Muy bien, te crees que eres tan inteligente? Entonces mi amigo, la respuesta la pregunta dos: The television that is the focus of this Contest was purchased to be used in a dorm room. Specifically, the dorm room of the progenitor clark. Referred to simply as ‘115’, this room was the scene of a significant romantic conflict between 2 of the three progenitors (with the third siding with one of the other 2) and a certain “Miss Ann” Two part Question! Which of the 2 progenitors were in conflict over the fetching coed with the long brown hair and the wire rim glasses and who did the 3rd progenitor side with?²

Pregunta número tres: DownSpring glenn is a frequent contributor to these pages and has often held that ‘excitement’ was the key to getting Reader participation…so for a bonus question: what is the name of the company that glenn works for, it’s street address and (finally) what is his work phone number?

Well, thats all we got time for…send in your answers as soon as possible. (As we say down here at the Doctrine, HTFU!)

I would like to ask our emotional wreckage remnant, Mr. B to try and find us some music that will not only be enjoyable, but will amuse the new Readers….something less than 30 years old? maybe?

1) clarks, bless their hypo-emotional little hearts love information as we all know. clarks, of the three types, believe that knowledge (and his bastard son INFORMATION) has an intrinsic value and therefore is worth whatever effort it takes to acquire it. So a clark in this kind of contest will simply start searching the internet for: TV + round + orange (or something like that). The clark will get the answer, but the scott or the roger will simply search the particular image and come up with the answer. Not to denigrate the clark, for whom the search for the answer to this Contest, is the end all and be all. We want our clarklike Readers to understand, we do not think less of them for their…love of learning. We totally get it. We know that you see the process of learning to be more fun than any application of information will ever be, sort of like how the courtship/seduction phase of a relationship is sometimes as good (or better!) than the actual, er…consumption! (thanks to roger for that last)

2) this is not such an impossibly difficult question to answer , you know…Come on, people what have we been spending our time doing here for the last 18 frickin’ months yo.
Alright a hint, just ’cause you asked so nicely. The key to answering this question is to consider: which of the 2 progenitors could get into a situation where competition was even possible? However one-sided, there is only one pair where the mythical Miss Ann would draw on (progenitor in) and then work the other…now she! she was a scott…but we have not spent a huge amount of time looking at scottian females, so we do not expect you to gain a lot of insight into this question as a result of knowing that she was a scott. It is enough, however to understand your progenitors to be able to answer this question correctly.