Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)
This Wakefield Doctrine is not just a fun thing to do while you are: at work/and are supposed to be working, at school/and really should be paying attention, waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store/ and really need to be thinking how to better provide for the family, making love/and how can you possibly be thinking about that problem at work, apologizing to your boss/when you know that were it not your family you would be telling him to stick the job in an inappropriate spot, sitting in traffic/and unable to let go of the past… nope! absolutely not the only thing that our little personality theory is good for!
The Wakefield Doctrine is a very useful tool to aid in that increasingly difficult and frustrating task of ‘being a better you’. Sure, you have a great track record working on the obvious things, the ‘lose that Holiday weight’, the ‘get into better physical shape’, getting better grades, earning more money by working overtime, etc…etc and etracetra. But, what about the things in your head, in your heart… you know the kinds of thing (about yourself) that you barely speak of to anyone else (and if and when you do, it always comes with a laugh line). What about those?
The Wakefield Doctrine is very useful with these …issues. Starting with the fact that ….issues (like these) are shared by others, even when, by all appearances, they. (these other people who you know… your friend, your spouse, that woman who seems to have it so together, what with 5 kids and a job, your relative… even your kids and spouse!) What the Wakefield Doctrine offers us is this:
- we all start life with the potential to experience it in one of three ways: as an Outsider (clarks), as a Predator (scotts) and as a Herd Member (rogers)
- that at a rather early point in our lives, we settle into one (of these three) and it becomes our reality (personal reality, nevertheless real…reality)
- our ‘personality type’ is simply a reflection of the coping strategy that is best suited to the reality that we are experiencing as we grow up
- …we never lose the capacity to experience the world of ‘the other two worldviews’
…so when you look around and wonder how on earth does that other person act like they don’t have a care in the world, cheerful and enthusiastic each day, …despite their dead-end job, or that women with the sick parent and the ill children, looking peaceful as she waits patiently in line or that young man who sits 3 cubicles away quietly working, always with a kind thought…when he thinks no one is looking. They are all experiencing life in one of three personal realities… as clarks or scotts or rogers and you have that same capacity.
….coolest thing about the Wakefield Doctrine as an aid to self improvement and ‘jeez! I got to stop doing this to myself!’ ? You don’t have to learn anything new. All you need do is ‘see the world as the other person is experiencing it‘. Know that what they seem to find simple, is also available to you.
* (this was what started me thinking, yesterday, that I totally could write a Post a day ahead… I was wrong! lol however, I still like the sound of the subtitle with this expression in it, so in keeping with the Truth in Blogging Law, here is a (preliminary definition of the term): handpuppet friend, (n) you’ve been friends for as long as you can remember, but increasingly over recent years, it takes you to ‘make the call’, (once the conversation starts, it’s just as it’s always been…like no time has passed.) You wonder if it’s worth the effort, sometimes you berate yourself for continuing the charade, but there was so much history and still, even when you know that it’s only because you insist on holding onto the past, you enjoy the interaction…. letting go is an option, not a requirement.)
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lets try again!
So I was saying , I really enjoyed this post!
I also think that the hand puppet friend thing…. I do berate myself as you said but BEFORE I make successful contact. AFTER i make contact I will manage to continue to berate myself for ever doubting that I should keep making the effort to stay connected with the person… does that make sense?
(there was a time when I would have said, ‘sorry to say, but yes’) but that was before I started to see the power of identification (with other clarks)… so I will say yeah, I do understand. Not only the underlying sentiment, but the insulating (functional) quality of the choice of wordiage.*
* “..no he di’int!” why yes, yes he did say that!**
88 lol***
*** which is my own form of insulation, which makes it ok for me to say
You don’t know how many times I changed the verbage. .. oh wait you do.
lol
How about that. I’ve been practicing the WD before I even knew there was a WD!
I think of it this way: say we were all the same people with the same bad habits. We wouldn’t know there was a better way to live, and wouldn’t even know we could try to be better. The variety we see around us gives us the inclination/motivation/even the idea to become better. I have done that so many times over my lifetime. Example: when the kids were young, I noticed that a friend of mine almost always answered yes when her kids asked to do something, regardless of how messy or how much work it would cause her. My inclination was to say no. I realized her way was usually better, so I decided to change and be more like her. It was one of the best things I ever did for my kids and me.
cool
…yeah, one of the upfront things encountered when trying to self-improve oneself is, is a sense of ‘the better way’…. what you’re saying is especially helpful, because it’s not a ‘hey you! you need to do better’, what I (read in your comment) is the idea that you start with being open to change…not make it a ‘this is the right way’, instead looking to a person that gets different results (in a similar situation) and copying the method. (I also see the concept of ‘identification’ in what you’re saying.. which is (also) another ‘trick’ that most of us use, perhaps without realizing it.
I also like the notion of ‘self-improvement as alteration not replacement ( replacing an ‘inferior’ with a ‘superior’)
Most definitely! One has to be open to change. Nobody is perfect, so being open to change is not a bad thing. We are here to better ourselves. To be the best version of ourselves we can be. It makes me sad to see people do the same things over and over again, getting hurt each and every time, when a small change would drastically change things. But sometimes, it takes us a little while to realize that a change is necessary or good. We aren’t quite ready to be open to it yet.
Good discussion, Clark!
Christine
yeah… enjoying myself (and getting something out of it, as well). If the truth be known, there are very few times when I interact with people (with the Doctrine as a perspective) that I do not have an opportunity to learn something about myself (not always the most fun, but still…lol ).
Yes, the hand puppet friend. Hot topic for me right now. I find myself getting upset, sort of wounded, when I realize yet again that this type of friend has zero time for you unless you are right in their face. Days, weeks, months go by and … nothing. Until I make the contact, then it’s all about how they thought about calling twenty times but didn’t. WHY didn’t you? Then the token get together happens and I get angry at them for being that way and more angry at me for allowing it, for saying yes when they do invite rather than “um, you know what, I can’t.” The biggest person I’ve encountered who does this is definitely a Scott. They are all about socializing, being surrounded by people, being happy in the moment (even if they’re miserable – will NEVER admit it and always pretends life is just perfect, thank you, with an edge of anger to back it up when anyone suggests otherwise), being busy busy busy and being oh so needed.
Oh, hey, look at me going on. Yikes. Time to shut up.
Wow, Lisa. Do you have someone in mind? :) I get it, though. I’ve had friends like that, too. It hurts when it’s done to you.
Lisa
“…more angry at me for allowing it,” Yeah, I think that’s the element that drives change in me. I feel I’ve made progress (accepting this in myself) shows in my not getting as upset at myself (…most of the time! lol).
It’s actually kinda sad, because eventually the feeling (of friendship) simply evaporates, but I make myself remember that that is me holding on to a thing of the past, not something that the other person is experiencing.
And as one of the TToT crowd said this weekend, “I’m responsible for how I feel/my mood.”
Think I had a run-in with another clark-scott the other day. And boy, she pissed me off. Another teacher…who had the social skills of a dolt (I know this because if I were in the same position as she, I probably would have done the EXACT same thing). Who had to come back to me later and say, “wow, that conversation didn’t go so well.” I looked at her and was so mad I just said, “no, it didn’t. And I know what I’m doing as a teacher. I have trained FOR YEARS for this.”
LOL…I feel my cheeks turning red just typing this.
You have no idea just how much I love this Doctrine. I don’t think she was expecting me to rouse up like a tiger like that. She pretended to hold back emotion, but I could see it in her face…when I was holding back my own anger, sadness and fury (and what I alluded to in my post), I could see her doing the same.
In any case, thank you so, so much for your awesome, insightful comment. This is only the beginning. I’m frickin going places (namely to either my own autonomous world or another workplace where I feel much better about not wanting to slap the s*^t out of some poor soul who gets me riled up.)
I don’t mean to be a Tigress. Only sometimes. When I’m backed into a corner. And they try to cage me.
Eeeep!
Cynthia
I share you feelings in this regard. (Actually, in the oddly wonderful way of the Doctrine, I share your feelings in general…at least in the sense of even though we are clarks, emotion plays a huge, albeit oft-disguised role in our lives, but…nevertheless I can identify with your adventure. I’ve been thinking a lot lately (yeah, I know…. no shit!!) about this identification among clarks, it’s pros and cons, it’s secret advantage and it’s potential pitfalls… I suspect that it will be the topic of my next Post!…. lol thanks again, you’re always giving me perspectives on things in life (in general and in particular as a clark)… that I say to myself, ‘damn!! I need to write about this!’)
you have been an amazing power of example for my… not just how much effort you have brought to bear on accomplishing your Masters while taking on a new (expanded) job… hell, we clarks totally love to work hard…harder….hardest lol no, what knocks me out is how you can keep it simple and focus on the task(s) before you, knowing that, once a goal has been established, you need only work and live and do the things that need to be done each day (personally, while I can do this…sorta, I have a tendency to fly off on tangents…ideas that while sound and valid do not contribute to the main thing I am trying to accomplish..). As we’ve said on many a Saturday Night call-in… you have done very well in keeping your ‘strings’ straight and untangled as you proceed to follow your path.
thank you again