GPTGP the Wakefield Doctrine “…a Thursday Point of View”

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

July 2013 479

This week’s Guest Post Thursday(‘s)  Guest Post Writer is Katia Bishofs.
I met Katia a couple of years ago on (the) Finish the Sentence Friday bloghop. My first thought reading Katia’s blog, IAMTHEMILK, was, to employ an archaic expression, ‘this person really has it together’.  We  hit it off and IAMTHEMILK became one of my first stops on the ‘Friday rounds’. This is the truly cool thing about the ‘sphere, that I get to meet people from all walks of life, from all parts of the planet… and Canada!  Katia has a pretty damn remarkable presence among blogs, being printed/published and re-printed in more sites than I read!  So, when the time came to ask another clark to write a Thursday Guest Post, I realized asking her would be a perfect opportunity to demonstrate, in a small and disguised way, the efficacy of the Wakefield Doctrine as a tool of self-development!

(Yes, that is a Wakefield Doctrine docTee in the photo above.)

Without further adieu…. hey! Katia has a second site (no! not sight…site! well, maybe both, as it is a well established fact that, when it comes to intuition and near-creepy sensitivity to the thoughts and feelings of others, clarks are the masters!), it’s a website totally full of helpful and valuable information and advice for mothers (and others) engaged (or contemplating engaging) in a job search: the Recruiter Mommy.

 

Katia?

Top Five Best Things About Being an Outsider

I’ve been involved with the blogosphere since 2012. Due to kids (mine) and life circumstances (also mine) my relationship with it is no longer monogamous, but whenever I do visit the blogosphere, I follow Clark’s doctrine with great interest.  With his help via comments on my blog, I was able to confirm my suspicions that out of the three personality types the doctrine identifies, I’m a fellow Clark. When I read about Clarks, one aspect that I find particularly fascinating about them is their overly developed sense of outsiderdom.

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I once had to come up with one of those awkward third person bios for a website I was featured on. This one read:  Katia was born in a family of immigrants. She always felt like she didn’t belong, so one day she moved and switched continents so she could ‘not belong’ for a good reason”.

Up until I immigrated my outsiderdom had been an emotional state rather than a biographical or social fact confirmed by my surroundings. That well kept secret, however, would occasionally overflow and spill over to the outside at times of emotional tide and vulnerability, making itself potentially noticeable.

After moving from Israel to Canada my sense of outsiderdom finally received a reason. Seven years into my immigration, I rarely feel like an outsider anymore. I recently attended a blogging conference, where a hilarious post was shared by Meredith Bland at Pile of Babies. That particular post inspired this one, as it made me examine what would be perceived as a disadvantageous situation in a different light. Sure, immigration was one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to do, but I can’t say that my new status of immigrant, a.k.a. outsider by choice, didn’t come with its set of perks. I give you immigration’s top five advantages:

  1. Weird behaviours are totally acceptable – scratch that. They are actually expected of you. Want to drink creamer straight from the bottle thinking that you’re treating yourself to your first ever bottled iced coffee? Want to do all of that publicly? Go for it. It can all be chucked up to cultural differences.  True story.
  2. Geographical idiocy is acceptable as well –let it be known that my inner compass is not just off, it’s set to “Trust your gut” which never fails to lead me in the wrong direction. Guess what? Move countries and with your new permanent residence you’ll also get your permanent “Get out of judgment jail” card.
  3. Your “weird behaviour immunity” extends to your kids and covers them as well– when your toddler is outside screaming “mama bum!” No biggie. Cultural differences and stuff, remember?
  4. No one’s that surprised if you start a sentence but don’t finish it –                 (see?)
  5. Political opinions are a Nice To Have – Call me apolitical. I’m from the Middle East and I overdosed on news in the first thirty years of my life. Let’s see you drag me into a political conversation after that!

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Have you ever felt like an outsider?

 

 

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Katia Bishops writes IAMTHEMILK and Recruiter Mommy and can be found on ‘the Facebook’

 

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Wed nes day the Wakefield Doctrine ‘…of shared expectations and stainless steel serving dishes’

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

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2 reasons for today’s Post:

  1. new Readers
  2. tomorrow is Guest Thursday’s Guest Post… (‘…key-lark day’)
  3. rogers and expectations

Second Reason:

GPTGP: nothing novel concept, invite people to write a Guest Post. Ask representatives of each of the three ‘personality types’ to write on a given Thursday, still not ground-breaking, at least introduces a certain degree of expectations (on the part of Readers). My instructing all Guests: “write anything you like. Have fun, no topics suggested, no minimum nor maximum lengths. pretend that you have a new blog, it’s not only already set up, but it has a readership and they do not know anything about your regular blog. write and have fun. email it to and I will post it”  I will say without reservation, the result has been more than I had anticipated. Not ‘more’ in the sense of ‘more exciting’ or ‘generating more visits to the Doctrine’ not even, ‘produce more questions about this little personality theory of ours.  Rather, it has provided a weekly illustration of the three worldviews of the Wakefield Doctrine.

  • clarklike GuestWriters  that have us (commenting), “wow!  who would have thought… what a creative approach… how cool is that?”
  • Guest Posts written by our scottian friends,  I can hear the laughter and appreciation of Readers, “I couldn’t stop laughing…. I can’t believe she wrote that…. god, what fun these Posts are”  (and)
  • our rogerian friend’s Posts… there is something very special going on there. They (the Posts) are so….engaging, personable…. interesting in a way that is at once comfortable and yet presenting a viewpoint that challenge(s) the Reader.

So each Writer, with or without intending to, has allowed us, to see the world (from a certain Doctrine perspective), as they experience it.

(content deleted…even though I spent a good hour last night writing a ‘brief intro to the Wakefield Doctrine’… gotta stay under 1000 words)

So this Doctrine is about helping us understand the behavior of the people in our lives, right? Ok then, you want an example?

clarks and rogers.
as a pair, this combination has the advantage of stability (at a price) and, at the same time,  allows each to relax a little within their respective worldviews. Not the most high-energy combination (certainly not to the dynamic levels of a clark-scott or a scott-scott(!), but also not the quiet-symnetry of a clark-clark or the ‘who-can-build-a-structure-of-expectations-of-life-first’ of a roger-roger), but not bad. That being said, one area of conflicts between clarks and rogers is found in the area of expectations.*

Now, as the Rule of ‘Everyone Does Everything A One Time or Another’ asserts, there is nothing that is the exclusive domain of one of the three worldviews. The ‘worldviews’ are not bubbles of reality, distinct in the quantity and quality of the things that make up one’s world. Even something as  ….subjective as ‘expectations’ is manifested in each of the three worldviews, differently in each. Today we’ll focus on the expectations (as manifested) in the reality of the Herd Member, rogers.  A little true-life anecdote should serve our purpose.

Years and years ago, the Progenitor roger and I were talking about buying a business. Knowing what I did about rogers (both the individual and the personality type), I suggested that he consider something in the food service industry, you know, like a restaurant or cafe or such. Somewhat surprisingly, roger enthusiastically agreed! He went on at length how he had been thinking along those very same lines and was, in fact, researching the restaurant business. (A little backstory here: this is mid-eighties and in our area barbecue wings ‘burst on the scene’ in cafes and restaurants, sports bars… like that.)
In any event, I made the statement that ‘the restaurant business is incredibly competitive, how tricky it must be to succeed in the business’. To which roger responded:I’ve spent a lot of time on this, looking for the difference between success and failure in a restaurant that serves wings and the key to it all is ….stainless serving dishes.” 

stainless steel serving dishes.’

This phrase has become a fun ’shorthand’ for the particularly rogerian focus on a single element (of an otherwise complex subject). And no, this is not making fun of rogers (ok, a little  but not in a mean way), rather this phrase serves as a reminder of how very real the personal realities of people can be. So much of what we experience in our day-to-day lives is subjected to a personal shorthand… incredibly intricate, involved and complex ideas…reduced to four words. We (clarks, scotts and rogers) all do it.

the problem that arises, (and the prompting for this post),  when two people are engaged in a mutual effort, no…let me call it ‘a process shared’. It might be working on a project with a co-worker or maybe a science project in school or even something simple, like a home improvement project. Two people with, not only two images of the outcome, but two different ideas of ‘the best way’ to: get from start to finish/the surest way to get ‘an A’/ this is how you handle the sub-contractors to get that addition built just the way you wanted it.

stainless steel serving dishes’

it’s not that I was more realistic or that roger was more practical… it was not even that he was right and I was wrong… however, if I did not translate ‘stainless steel serving dishes‘ into my own, personal equivalent of  ’this is what I feel is the critical piece of an otherwise large and complex effort’  if I do not do the translation, then I cannot expect to understand.

Many systems of insight, personality theories are designed to enhance our understanding of the people (and their behavior) in our lives. In this, the Wakefield Doctrine is not different. Where the Wakefield Doctrine is different, is that we don’t  suggest that, in our example today, that roger did not have a realistic understanding the restaurant business, we are not even suggesting that you accept that ‘maybe he just doesn’t get it’…. what the Wakefield Doctrine is saying is that, ‘living in a different worldview as he does, roger may very well be experiencing something that does not exist for a clark or a scott.

 

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Momentarily Monday the Wakefield Doctrine …(self-limitations and insights)

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

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DownSpring Lizzi has this thing she does, from time to time, where she writes provocative and engaging story that seems to be about herself, only to inform the Reader, at the very end, that ‘this is fiction’.

Today’s Post is sort of like that…except in reverse (or maybe, converse). The story that follows is real enough, however the ‘point’, or ‘lesson’ or even ‘moral’ of the story may not be immediately apparent.  And,

Yesterday I had a property that had a heating air-conditioning system emergency. An air-handler in the attic malfunctioned and water (condensate from the ac) was leaking through the ceiling into the bedroom below. I tried, without success, to get the plumbing and heating company to answer my calls to make a weekend service call, unfortunately they were nowhere to be found.  Staring at the water dripping off the hardwired smoke detector in the bedroom ceiling I realized that I had to do something. I decided to turn off the power in the house, as  house was on a well,  at least I could prevent any additional water from adding to the problem. The air-handler sat in a metal pan, in order to contain any condensate created when the system was in cooling mode. The pan was overflowing, the source of the water dripping through the bedroom ceiling. My plan was simply to empty the pan. Access to the attic was by a pull-down staircase. I took a plastic drinking cup and a 5 gallon bucket, climbed the stairs, flashlight in hand, and starting bailing out the water. There was a lot of water. At least 5 trips down the stairs, with a full bucket. Now, the thing about pulldown staircases is that they have normal shaped steps from the bottom to about 3/4s of the way up, where they, (the steps), become more like ledges. You can put your full weight on them, you just can’t stand on them the way you normally do with stairs.

The operation took about 45 minutes. It was successful, provided the definition success was, ‘less water available to leak through the ceiling now than there was before I started’. I left the property and returned to my office. Getting out of my car at the office I felt my legs do that ‘tremor’ thing, you know, over-exertion total muscle exhaustion. (Like when you were a kid and someone dared you to do 50 knee bends as fast as you could?).  Mind you this was the first time, (that morning), I felt that way. Each of my trips up and down the attic ladder, flashlight providing the illumination, with 5 gal bucket in one hand, were anything but tremory. In fact, each step I took was very deliberate as I did not underestimate the potential of slipping and falling out of the attic of an empty house.

But as I walked across the parking lot,  I felt like I had run 8 miles. And I laughed (I am, after all, a clark). I laughed because I could see how effectively I limit myself.

Like most Readers, I try to stay healthy. I understand that exercise is a necessary component to a healthy life style and I make periodic efforts, in good faith and with sincere intentions to stay in shape. Nothing unusual there. (And) when I am in exercise mode, I will work hard, striving ‘to feel the burn’, whether it requires 30 minutes on a stationery bike or, of late, my two mile ‘run’, I am trying my best to exercise my muscles. Yet, prior to yesterday, I can’t remember the last time I felt that my legs were made of rubber. Tired out, winded, tight feeling in back of legs, sure, but rubbery? no. Clearly I have been nowhere near the limits of my physical strength/condition/capacity in a long, long time. And I was not aware of it.

That was the insight that made yesterday’s work adventure worthwhile.  What we tell ourselves, about ourselves is, by and large, intended to maintain the status quo. The insidious-ness of this is that not only can I have ‘good intentions’…. (stay healthy-exercise! learn more-study! find romance-take showers!)  but I can ‘take action’… (run 2 miles- boy that was tough! get a B- hey my studying paid off! find true love-I can get used to a person who uses double negatives!).  All without knowing my true capability/capacity/talent really.  Because of the tales we tell ourselves.

 

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TToT the Wakefield Doctrine “…how did he do that??! comic sans title!??! my hero!!”

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

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1) to celebrate the ego this weekend, I will make each of the following items something that: a) I try to bring from my rogerian aspect and 2) makes me (the predominant clark) totally cringe

2) I had a great week! And this, despite all the resistance I met, between clients not listening, the lawn mower blade refusing to cut the grass…just so and the girl at Dunkin Donuts who spilled some coffee down the side of my coffee cup, making it sticky to the touch, so much so that I had to get a damp paper towel when I returned to the office, where I had several great deals to finish the paperwork on!

3) pretty impressive work with the Title of today’s Post, isn’t it? (it was nothing, all you had to do was think about it and in all modesty, it was obvious, at least to me,  how to do it, but then , that’s just how I approach things)

4) I want to thank everyone for their great responses and out-pouring of support for my campaign to attract more rogerian Readers! I know it sounds like an impossible task, but I feel I kind of owe to all the followers and readers who look forward to the Posts that I write here at the Wakefield Doctrine.

5) I want to thank one of my biggest fans, she had a really great compliment and I was, to be quite honest, pleasantly surprised when she wrote, “I think the Wakefield Doctrine posts are really outstanding and I find something in each one that I read that helps me every day. How you manage to have such insights is beyond me, but I am grateful that you do!”   …well, I’m not making any promises, but I’ll see what I can do!

6) I’m glad that I have such a wonderful and satisfying job and home! You know, and this will probably come as a surprise to you, sometimes when I think about how nice my home is and how, with all the support I get from everyone here at the house, I get a little emotional, at the idea of how many people in the world would give anything to have as good a life as I have made for myself here.

7) I want to thank my assistant hosts for all their help in putting together this bloghop, I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would be if I didn’t have them all helping and pitching in wherever they can. What a great bunch of gals!

8) Looks like I’m almost out of space! You know, considerering* how well things are going, maybe we should have a Twenty Things or Thirty Things each week!

9)   images-84  

10) below there is, what is becoming, our traditional Friday evening walk with Una….at least until the days get too short to go for a walk in the evening.

 

* ‘considering’ you know… that would make a great title for a Post! Maybe I should… nah!  too many people are depending on my producing the Posts here at the Doctrine, not that I couldn’t, but I don’t think it’s really necessary

** unless, you know, you didn’t find anything wrong with it, in which case we need to talk

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‘Friday-potluck’ the Wakefield Doctrine ‘it’s Weekend Eve!’

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

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I would like all clarklike Readers to go over to Lizzi’s, (if you haven’t already) and read  her Post. Needless to say, this is not a call to cheer her up, there are plenty of scotts and rogers already there doing that, rather, I’d like you to go, read her Post, come back and comment here…about her Post. No! wait… this is not as weird or intrusive as it sounds! Well, maybe…ok ok! I’ll accept intrusive…maybe even…. no! not weird. The fact of the matter is that, this little exercise is a way for clarks to realize a benefit from knowing what you know about the Wakefield Doctrine. And no, this is not a ‘there but for the grace of god’ thing…. (the topic of Lizzi’s Post), I’ve gone there, if you’re a clark, you’ve gone there…. hell!  if you’re a roger or a scott (with a sufficiently strong secondary clarklike aspect), you have felt like Lizzi feels (in her Post).

So, just get over there and come back and comment and I’ll make my point, titled ‘Lizzi and the exceptionalism of the Outsiders (or ‘too much good, does a clark bad‘)

Other items and matters at hand.

Good Comments from everyone on the matter of age and clarks   ( “I think I’ve been old since childhood…at least.”  zoe     ”I grew up in a friggin’ nursing home. AND my brothers and sisters range in age from 12-22 years older than I am. I never had a chance to “be my age.” :P”  Cyndi   and   Denise:  ”So now, when I’m old, I can know that I wasn’t the only kid who felt at times like her contemporaries were ….silly. LOL Where was the Doctrine when I was a kid!” ) I can only say, ‘is this a personality theory or is this a personality theory?’
To be serious for a moment, if I ‘m going to attract our rogerian brethren (and I’m talking about the very rogerian rogers, not just the enlightened rogers such as Michelle and Kristi
 those two are, frankly, the exceptions and we are totally grateful to have them in the conversation that is this blog.) Nope! I’m talking about socially-connected, engaging conversationalists, perfectionist, by-the-book-edness, know-instinctively-what-everyone-will-be-wearing-next-season, every hair in place, rogers! Despite their kind accounting for 2/3s of the human population, they can be hard to find…at least as individuals. They prefer the comfort and company of their kind and do not have much free time to spend on visiting a zoo. (lol)  However…..

…we do have scotts around here, and rogers?  they loves they scotts. That’s all I’ll say on the topic, for now. Dyanne wrote a Comment that is metaphorically so illustrative of the clark-scott relationship (you know,  coming up with a ball, dropping it on your foot, looking at you, looking at the ball, looking at you….) I’d re-print the Comment, but I think it might be best for you, if you are curious, to go to yesterday’s Post and read all about it.  But, scotts are fun and, like our rogers, we are grateful that we have people like Christine and Dyanne and Joy and Stephanie coming around. (In case the cops show up…or things get boring and we don’t care if the cops show up… that’s what scottian friends are for!)

ok…. here’s a vid that I found amusing yesterday.

here’s an impromptu  vid postlette from on my way to work…

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