Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)
i met Kristi online a couple of years ago it was recognition at first sight (have you ever found yourself hanging out in a place you didn’t think you belonged and one person kept turning up and you think that you must know them? for some clarks, (especially those with the Doctrine), you sometimes encounter a person that you know you would have been friends with if you had already known them, you know? the funny thing about the Doctrine (as a way to look at life) is how bold and presumptive we can find ourselves being. so, anyway, this one Finish-the-Sentence-Friday, the prompt is something like, ‘what would you change in the past’ and I wrote a direct message to Kristi saying ‘I know what you’re thinking about writing and this is how you’ll end up writing this post’. to Kristi’s credit and my everlasting gratitude I did not find myself instantly blocked or otherwise told to stay the hell away from her or her friends.
successful writer, winner of a bunch of awards, featured speaker at the recent LTYM mom-a-thon, and creator of the most excellent ‘Finding Ninee’
Please welcome today’s Guest Post writer, Kristi
Ok.
If there’s ever been a reason to say “Fuck you, Clark!!” It’s this:(a direct IM quote that I’m no longer naive enough to believe was ONLY delivered to me, because that’s how Clark works and also, there were no flowers with it):“sometimes will admit to not appreciating exactly how good the Doctrine is at what it does…. (here from the TToT: 9) We will be auditioning clarks for next week’s guest Post post… all are encouraged to apply…only those who refuse to apply are qualified and, of those, only the applicants who insist that someone else would be much better, will be considered… I need you to write something/anything for this coming Thursday’s guest Post… as you see in the previous two Thursdays…no standards or requirements at all…just email me what you might have and I will paste into the post”See? WHAT THE FUCK.Of course, I was also super-excited, as I’d previously admitted to a bit of jealousy regarding Clark’s new favorite blogger (what about ME ME ME ME ME) defiling his blog with a first guest post (I like to think of myself as a defiler although that’s never really been my thing), and then, well, shit, Roger? You seem a lot nicer than I’d have thought.Anyway, fuck you, Clark. While I’m honored and happy to be here, you, above all, know that I need you to tell me what the rules of this guest posting game are, and what it is, exactly, that you want to see here. You’re supposed to tell me what to write about. Of course, if you had done so, I’d resent it, and assume that you know nothing about my creative prowess, know nothing about me, and may have chalked this relationship up to yet one more in which I’m misunderstood. Sigh.Until, well, I’m not misunderstood because I can FEEL you in my brain right now (get out) (you totally knew what I was going to say, didn’t you?) (write it yourself?) (ok don’t because I like my name here too) (OMG such a Clark).I remember the first time I stumbled on this here Doc thing, and asking Clark how autism fits into it. I’m sure he was like “Um, yo, dumbass, you didn’t read anything, did you?” which, well, I hadn’t. I think he’d linked up to a FTSF hop and while I was intrigued by the personality stuff, I didn’t really put myself into it, at that point. Until I later did. And whoa.I’ve learned things to help me deal with actual situations in real life. That I’m now able to further understand coworkers, friends, and my sister-in-law is a true gift. Something that The Doc has given me is an ability to not (always) immediately internalize things, and instead look at why I’m reacting the way I am, and why I feel like an outsider at my own party (sometimes – because other times, Scott roars his head within and I. Am. The. Boss.).This here Doc thing is awesome. Of course, it’d be even more so had I received my current sunburn doing IRL stuff with my (mostly a Scott, I think) little boy at an outdoor carnival this week while wearing a — you guessed it — DOC TANK (you’re welcome, Lizzi).Big thanks and mwahs to The Master Clark Clark Himself. Clark.(does a little curtsey thing in my head that I’d never actually do in real life unless drunk or whatever):D :D :D
thank you for the connection
About clarkscottroger
frist!!!
I am rolling with laughter and Jim thinks I am crazy. So? Kristi! You wrote a beautiful, poetic and touching post which it also extremely funny and shows how you understand EVERYTHING, I am stunned by your insight and proud to know you.
love, jeh xox
Aw Jean – here’s to being crazy. I think the next project is you make us matching cool bracelets, ya?
Why thank you for realizing that I understand EVERYTHING (bwahaha another one fooled). I’m proud to know you, too, sweets.
bizarrely I just made a bracelet… !!! just finished it . it is psychedelic!
I “defiled” something? hey FUCK YOU, Kristi!!! :D
Translating… always wondered why there’s a “translate” link here – what a weird thing in blogville. Anyway. A cool weird thing. And I’m not gonna click it because “squirrel!”
Sorry if you’re feeling guilty about defiling whatever it is you defiled… oh! YES. THIS BLOG. Although that’s hard to imagine, actually. Huh. Fuck you, Jean! In the best kissiest of ways, of course.
ahahahaha
Nobody can say “fuck you” like Kristi. Unless it’s Jean.
Fuck you Dyanne!
HAHAHAHA
WHOOT! hahahah
hey. I quite like my “fuck you” here on these pages more properly displayed than simply in the comments, or on vid chat.
Kristi, you could never be an outsider and rock as usual!! Cool this!
Aw Michelle. My geeky awkwardness must not be apparent on vidchat. Trust me, I can be the dorkiest outsider ever. But thank you. You’re cool too :)
Secund.
I think.
Ok NM. I WAS second when I clicked this shit, but got distracted by something shiny so by the time I posted that comment I was forty-secund. I should never play this game.
Somehow it’s funny when you guys sweat at each other and it hardly makes me want to crawl in the fetal position and sing at all. Ya sillies.
Swear. That is supposed to say swear. Ok I’m leaving now. As you were.
Ah Joy. Luckily we swear at one another quite a bit. Part of what got me through my audition for Listen to Your Mother was picturing me saying “FUCK YOU CLARK” :) He’s nice that way. So good to me, really. Aww.
Dear Joy, I don’t swear online unless Kristi swears online and I do it to copy her because she is cool and I would slavishly copy Kristi whatever she does! Kristi: what time am I scheduled to jump off that bridge again?
PS: I do swear at home but we have been calling that “Tourettes by Choice” for years– and we are very very good at it. Stress release, you know?
xox jean
I like swearing. And I think we decided that the bridge was a bad idea??? Right??? Or were we parachuting from it? I can’t remember now. I’m flighty that way…
whatever you say, oh great one.
Kristi, awesome post as always… its tough playing second fiddle… but hey… fuck it yes? Its even freakier to have someone predict your every move… but hey… fuck you Clark, yes?
Oh and Fuck tank tops … hats … think hats…. ( sorry Lizzi, not really… and don’t say “Fuck you,” cuz it’s just not nice and so beneath you.)
does fuckin clark know what I am going to do next or just you crazy clarks? I need to fucking know
Go forth and multiply…
Hats??? I’m not much of a hat girl. But, one does want to protect her skin, does she not? Hm. I think tank tops are maybe cooler. Sorry, Zoe. True that the predict thing. I’ll bet he even knows rightfuckingnow that I’ve not yet started FTSF, still need to put Tucker to bed, and it’s live in a couple hours. Whoot. Fuck.
And Jean, I think he may know what you’re gonna do next too. But I’m not sure.
*sulks* I WANNA DOCTANK
Kristi you are wonderful as ever, you gloriously unapologetic asshole :D
HOLYSHIT DUDES. These comments are fucking awesome. Coming here has been the very best part of my day so far, except for when my kid was happy to see me when I came home from work because he’s way more adorable than you guys, but other than that, these comments are party-on excellent!
frist! fuck, yeah! hug the kid for me! xox
HAHAH FRISTSSTTTEISHSECONDWHATHUH
yep! xox
Thank you ladies! You made this most enjoyable. You Kristi! Awesome post today:)
Thank you, Kristi.
Your Post today is all that I might have hoped for, i.e. the writing of a clark.
I almost wrote, ‘a talented clark’, but did not, not because that would have been redundant, but because some of us have the gift of the courage (or maybe it’s strength or faith or recklessness) to let the world and the people around us a glimpse of our reality.
That is a gift not commonly found. In fact, it is something that many people (our co-workers, some less-than-close-friends, even family members are often unable to perceive). It is their loss.
how cool is this internet thing, huh?
Aw! Now I’m all touched and happy and stuff. True to our awesomeness being some people’s loss when they don’t perceive just how awesome we are. And dude. This internet thing is one of the coolest things ever ever ever.
Ditto damn ditto Clark :D