Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)
We were talking to Considerer yesterday. She is having some difficulties with her blog (on the technical end, not the content end). For a variety of aggravating, frustrating reasons, she has been unable to Post Comments to other blogs. Which is kind of like saying, ‘heres all the paper in the world, sorry, we’re fresh out of pens and pencils‘.
Now, besides being a talented writer-person, Lizzi is also a DownSpring here at the Doctrine, so it was only natural for me to say, “hey, why doncha write a Guest Post at the Doctrine?” She liked the idea, so I said, “hold on, I’ll set up the link where you can come into the Doctrine to write the Post…get a byline and all…”
You know what I like about Considerer (and most clarks)? Her immediate response was, “No, I better email you the text. I don’t want to take the chance that whatever is messing up my blog (Considerings) will do anything bad to the Doctrine blog”
damn!
Today we have a Guest Post Writer!
Expecting the unexpected: the Wakefield way
By Considerer (a.k.a. Lizzi), Downspring of the Wakefield Doctrine, Deep Thinker and hopeful sharer of Truths.
I have a very good friend who I’ve known for ten years, (she’s probably a roger) whose catchphrase to me when I struggle with a sudden, terrible alteration to How Things Are, is “Expect the unexpected.”
It’s a total wind-up.
I’m a clark, you see, with a healthy secondary dose of scott, and Things Not Going To Plan is one of the things I struggle most with. Not the nice things, the spontaneous things, the pleasant surprises, but the nasty, horrible, frustrating things, right up to the awful wouldn’t-wish-it-on-my-own-worst-enemy, bottom-just-fell-out-of-my-world things.
In clark-mode, a sudden inpouring of consequences, ramifications and domino effects pours into my head, and my brain goes shooting off at a million miles a minute, trying to calculate every possible outcome and the implications of each. This leads to Sudden Awful Stress, and in that mode I become insufferable, boring those around me with the ‘what if’s, the ‘but maybe’s and the ‘perhaps’es.
Eventually, I’ll have thought my way through so many alternate possibilities I’ll get myself into a state of overwrought exhaustion and just have to go to bed, trying to block out the spinning of my mind with sleep (or if that is elusive, a little nightcap to physically derail that little train on its never-ending but always-slightly-different circular track).
The next morning, things may or may not be better, but I’ll have calmed down enough to ascertain the most likely course of events and mentally prepare myself to face them.
In scott mode, I storm, I thunder, I sometimes break things, but I make damn sure everyone round me knows that something has gone Horribly Wrong. I’ll occasionally do my best to take them down with me, because it’s frustrating and unsettling and I’m impotent to know what to do with those feelings, blind to see a way forward, and the only way I can make others understand what I’m going through is to put them through it.
It’s not attractive. It’s not constructive. It doesn’t really work.
And so I must learn from my rogerian friend, for whom, when something goes wrong, it is the work of a moment (seemingly) to step outside her organised thinkbox, do a quick reassess, shake up all the pieces and watch them fall back down into a new set of priorities and actions.
She finds this easy. And I find that baffling.
And here’s where the Wakefield Doctrine comes in, friends.
Here I can learn through interaction, example and (if the internet plays ball) live video chat with such downsprings as Michelle (great giggles), Cyndi (hilarious on wine) and our host and founder of the Doctrine, Clark (you may see face, feet or dog).
This is where I can learn, gradually begin to understand that creature furthest from my ken; the roger, and find out what dark corner of my person is kin to that beast. I can breathe new understanding into that corner and grow and develop it until it becomes a functional part of me, enabling me to greet these unexpected events in a manner much more conducive to Moving Things Forward.
This, my dears, is what this here Doctrine here is all about.
a little old school Doctrine vid:
About clarkscottroger
Wow. I am not a scott, but honestly I can empathize here because sometimes the best way to make a person understand your feelings is to make another person feel them. It may be the only way which works! Thanks, Clark and Lizze!
@Michelle
(one of the reasons I am glad that you have Commented and joined us on the vid brunches)… your Comment is pointing at what I may not say often enough in this blog! We all have one predominant worldview (we live in the reality of the Outsider, the Predator or the Herd) and so our lives (and the problems and challenges we all encounter every day) are ‘manifested’ in terms of (those) worldviews. But we never lose the capacity to experience the world ( our lives!!) as would the other two. And therein lies the promise of the Wakefield Doctrine… to self-improve ourselves, we don’t have to have someone tell us how to act in a specific situation or what to say (“man! I would’ve told them off…”), none of that “here is how you should be, maybe I will teach you”
You have the the answers within… better than that, you have the ‘right’ ways to act/re-act/strategize and dramatize inherent and as a potential.
Now that is not to say it’s easy to do but doesn’t that sound better than spending a weekend in a Holiday Inn meeting room listen to a roger cajoling or a scott screaming at you about how for 13 easy payments of 43.97 they will tell you how you can lead a better life.
…lol I know I haven’t been saying this enough but this Wakefield Doctrine?? it’s a tool. A tool un-like anything else out there, but it is tool. It is not an Answer or a secret formula or anything like that… it is a perspective (albeit a totally cool and fun one).
so thank you Michelle for bringing our focus into…. er…focus!
To reiterate – Michelle’s comment is a shining beacon of what the Doctrine is about! As a roger, she offers what she sees as the solution….from the rogerian perspective. Using the tool that is the Wakefield Doctrine, I find that when dealing with rogers it is indeed about emotion…..that is where everything begins. Connect on some kind of emotional level and the rest is downhill from there. Kind of:)
While MIchelle’s advice doesn’t sound like rocket science, it kinda is to a clark LOL A clark’s worldview eschews the emotional for the intellectual (as a first approach) and in so doing, renders us, how shall I say….less than adept at doing what MIchelle suggests. The question a clark would ask her is “but how do I do that?” Which of course brings us round to the self-development thing. Take it from me, it’s a challenge developing one’s rogerian aspect, but once you start catching on, once it starts becoming more natural to interact like they do (on an emotional level), once you can start to view the world as they do, it makes life so much easier.
…..yes, Fred, I need a miracle…..
Ms. Lizzie. Most excellent post! I’m glad you shared today. While I was reading it, I was struck by the synchronicity – I was working on a post over at GirlieOnThEdge this morning having to do with clarks and control (and the associative, never far off, lingering like a lover, fear).
“What I hear you saying” lol (to use the line from counseling methodology of old) is your frustration at dealing more effectively with your reaction to the inability to always predict outcomes, to control events (as if we really could) and the subsequent feelings of guilt when you turn into Ms. Grumpass .
The easy solution is that everyone should learn the Wakefield Doctrine! Then everyone who happens to be in the path of Lizzie on those particular days or at those certain moments will know know that it is your nature to try and extrapolate, anticipate and otherwise collate every damn thing at issue, right?! When you’re not able to do that to your satisfaction, you get upset sometimes..the rogers around you should not take it personally.(‘cuz it’s really not about them)
So while we like people can come close, we simply can’t predict every single possible outcome of all that we do/might do/could do (I keep telling myself lol). And while we’re off in our heads trying to do all that, we’re missing the moment. The very scottian right here/right now, act/deal/move on, moment.
“It’s not attractive. It’s not constructive. It doesn’t really work.” – Truth
Before I get sidetracked of sorts I want to say it was great to see Considerer guest posting here — Clark will have to wait a moment for me to head over to the 80’s Jam Session — Great post, and I’m glad to see the level of self-awareness present. To be honest, given some past personal experiences, there are many, MANY individuals who may have those varying process taking place and they are almost completely unaware or how, why, or that it happens to begin with.
I guess my “beef” (delicious as it is mind you) comes from the first comment “… because sometimes the best way to make a person understand your feelings is to make another person feel them. It may be the only way which works!”
I may be the minority and/or henceforth become the least “popular” voice of opinion here*, but I disagree with this. I feel it’s a flawed stance/belief. More so from a negative standpoint (though it may very well apply from the positive) Aside from the discrepancies of extremes on the scale (you poked your finger and it hurt… poke another’s finger so they understand / you lost a loved one – engage “eye for an eye” and take a loved one from another). I prefer the middle ground.
No one can ever truly subject their own feelings and emotions onto another — as we all perceive potentially same things differently; sometimes they line up, sometimes they are like Night and Day — in hopes it “gifts” them with the knowledge of understanding.
I feel it can be destructive (read: not constructive) and really cause more damage than good. This is because (at least on the negative front, mind you) you are doing nothing more but acting out on your own pain/suffering/negativity and in turn trying to pass it along (Misery loves company) being a lack of understanding with how to possible maintain/handle it in a healthy fashion.
As Clark stated, I believe, all the answers are technically within to finding balance and understanding (theoretically), but sometimes guidance from those familiar with healthy solutions is indeed the best route to go. Given I believe in an (The?) Interconnectedness of All I don’t ever truly believe we are ever alone. This gets me to thinking about how sometimes the very statement “You don’t understand, you can/never will understand.” kind of grates on me, as I sometimes view it as one’s individual stubbornness (and possibly oddly desire) to remain in their current state of self-fulfilling negativity, which may be due one of many possible reasons. Guilt and Shame probably being prominent.
Learning you are not alone and accepting that others are able to sympathize/empathize (nay, possibly even understand – despite all one’s rampant declaration of it being impossible) sans experiencing the same exactly thing you have (which in turn varies as I stated above individually, regardless, and is in itself semi-empty) is a huge step towards true catharsis, in my opinion.
I think I got way off track (but yet not completely) and appreciate the opportunity to discuss this topic. Hopefully it was semi-coherent and not too chuck-full of Jak Speak.
Also:
*Above the comment section it says “Speak Your Mind” and so I cannot be held accountable or my actions**
**That’s how the works, right***?
***Damn it…
Jak
@Jak
Interesting discussion shaping up here. I happened upon your Comment pretty soon after it was written (and I do the moderate thing) so I always get the first crack at follow-up Commentation. But we are in new territory so I think I will alter my impulses* in terms of how I would reply. For some reason my inclination is to allow our Guest writer to reply first (stating here that I use the term ‘Reply’ simply to designate the next Comment made which may or may not comprise a response to points made or a rebuttal or a re-anything. Lets see how this develops), having said that, I will contribute some of the Doctrine perspective on some of the issues being raised. I probably said most of what I might in reply to Michelle’s Comment.
We have a saying about the Wakefield Doctrine, ‘this Doctrine is for you, not for them’ like a lot of sayings (that we have) it is meant to imply a perspective as opposed to make a statement or establish a fact or provide ‘static’ information. (And a lot of the sayings rely on the fact that they are meant to be a contrast to a typical situation, the ‘normal view of things’), so when we say ‘this Doctrine is for you, not for them’ we hope to convey the view that all one can do is account for themselves in the behavior and thoughts and acts, as to changing another person…we do not see the Wakefield Doctrine being useful in this regard. (The saying arises from a familiar scene, one person/spouse/friend etc finds a personality test/guide/profile in a magazine and the next thing you know, they are saying, ‘hey! honey you have to come read this, this is so good’ We kinda believe two things about popular personality theories a) nobody can resist them, like mirrors, you can’t just walk by** and 2)well meaning people are always trying to help the other person, whether they have been asked to or not
For a non-comment, my word count is getting up there.
I will check back in tomorrow…
Good Commentation, Jak
*damn! that sneaked out, will explain later
** ok, clarks can… but they’ll try to remember the address and come back when everyone has gone home and they are alone (like that ever happens to a clark)
Before I leave a long reply, lets see if I can comment here at all
@Michelle. I’m not sure entirely if it’s a ‘I want you to understand how I’m feeling’ so much as a ‘I want you to feel as bad as I do
@Jak – which is what you said, and quite rightly identified as being an unhelpful concept. I know rogers are meant to respond emotionally, but they still seem more capable of restructuring their priorities or ‘sweating the small stuff’ less, because they know that in time, it will come right or they’ll be able to create a way around the problem.
@Girlie ZOMG Husby calls me ‘Grumpus’ – what did you JUST DO! XD And you’re quite right – a lot of it is about control
clarks – outsiders, thinkers, think they can manipulate or think around stuff
scotts – predators, leaders, have a handle on it just by being near it
rogers – herdbeasts, others control, used to restructuring at the whims of scotts/clarks
ergo when the caca hits the fan
clarks – mindwhirl into freefall
scotts – punch things and get mad
rogers – roll their eyes, reorganise and carry on.
Lovely post, Lizzie! Enjoyed reading about how you experience the Wakefield Doctrine and how it works for you as a Clark and a bit of a Scott. So interesting!
@Melanie
yeah, I agree! reading another’s view of things (from the perspective of the Doctrine) simply can’t help but be interesting
Hey! Getting ready for an ENTIRE TWO DAYS of reading. HAHAHA. Back to the mundo Espanish-o. HA! But, great guest post, Considerer rocks AND perhaps I should dose up on a little wine before calling in tonight. Now…if I were on campus, I could stream, but my friggin’ satellite just creates too much delay. Gimme a year: we wanna move.
ANYWAYS, there was this cool, cushy thing that came in the mail that was waiting for me to open. Dood. It’s the COOLEST WAKEFIELD DOCTRINE SHIRT, EVER!!
Stay tuned for a Wonderful Wednesday post about it: a short video on my iPhone, to be sure, cuz I have no time to write for anything other than my 3 classes, but…
Ack! Is it 9 already?! I should have started at 7. O.o *giggle*
@Cyndi
lol we will be audio tonight (we have to study up on that there hangout thang, I think I will bring the camera, then you will know what you are looking at (even though your won’t be able to) while we talk …provided you remember where you were in the conversation, relative to the vid..o algo por el estilo
lol I’m glad you like it… that was one of those things that we like people enjoy, i.e. I was sitting around last weekend, read your Post about starting school, thought about school…school clothes…well, naturally one thing lead to the other, (Phyllis gets credit for recognizing the ‘winning design’ in that I tried some variations on the idea, (one of those online, design your own places) and when I showed her the printout she was, ‘(laughing) thats it!’
ok…back to the books, the whole village will be reading your next message from University. bye bye