Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)
As promised, we will now address the question on the minds of many Readers, “…what the hell good is this Doctrine thing? We’ve read the Posts and freely admit that we like the sound of this theory of clarks, scotts and rogers. It all makes sense but… enough with the allegory and theory! Lets hear what it can do to help with real life situations and such!”
From Friend of the Doctrine Amy:
I guess I would really like to know how to manage these scotts effectively without getting all worked up and out of whack. Do you know what I mean? I stay all calm for the most part and then they push and insist and try to tell me what I think (even though I know quite well what I think and it’s not what they want me to think)….and then I get mad and very direct and maybe a little more assertive than I am comfortable with. It takes me another two days to calm down after such a confrontation. Can you tell I just had such a confrontation? It’s three days later and I’m still thinking / analyzing / worrying about it. And I’m sure the Scott in questions never gave it a second thought!
Thanks Amy! (Amy is a Friend of the Doctrine who writes ‘Adorable Chaos’ …more than just a mommyblog, her observations and insights, while often focused on family and teaching, have a certain subtle edge (and secret humor) that you will enjoy reading it.) This is a great Question!
…next question?1
You’ve heard the saying, ‘the Wakefield Doctrine is for you, not for them’, lets start with the second of the two questions implicit in the above scenario.
“…It’s three days later and I’m still thinking / analyzing / worrying about it.”2
Remember the last time you got all, “…I-can-rake-the-whole-yard!-I’ve-got-it-halfway-done-already-I-can’t-stop-now!” ?
Now recall what we say about the three personality types: clarks think, scotts act and rogers feel.
What we mean by this is not just that we clarks are given to introspection or scotts go from impulsive act to impulsive act, or even that rogers change moods like a girl changes clothes… no! we mean that, (in our respective worldviews), this is how we are.
Your feeling ‘out of sorts’ for days after your successfully overcoming the attempt by a scott to dominate you, is simply being stiff and sore, just like if you raked the whole damn yard on a Saturday afternoon in October. Now, being a clark, what you need to ease the aches (god, don’t you love metaphors stretched almost to their breaking points?), is something rational, yet still in the realm of what got you sore in the first place.3, i.e. exerting yourself dealing with a scott.
So, next time this happens, after you have overcome the scott in question, but sooner than 3 days of reflection later, go back to them and remind them of whatever it was that you (finally) did to get them to stop and behave. Depending on how much time has passed (since) the initial confrontation, you will find yourself less and less inclined to do this, preferring to keep everything in your head, on familiar ground. You will think to yourself that it might be best to ‘let sleeping dogs lie’. ( …lol)
Now lets consider the first question (inherent in) your most excellent scenario:
“…even though I know quite well what I think and it’s not what they want me to think… I’m sure the Scott in questions never gave it a second thought!”
You are totally correct. They did not, they do not.
That is the charm, the strength, the limitation, hell! it’s the definition of the scottian worldview. They act. They live in the here and now, they act on the basis of the immediate, not the abstract .
You do not.
However, if you keep in mind that scotts view dominance and ranking as simply the way the world is and not (this is critical and alien to a clark) … not as a statement of worth or value or anything like that, you will be able to deal with them in their context, but on your terms and everything will be a lot more better. for you…. (they won’t understand any of this, but explanations are for clarks, not for scotts.)
I hope this helps, Amy. Thank you for the scenario, yo.
1) ha ha come on! you didn’t see that coming? No?? you might be at the wrong blog then, if you were looking for totally straight on, sincere- to-a-fault self-improvement advice, you might be better going somewhere else.
2) Any Reader who cannot identify with this, you better go to the section on clarks.
3) but, like being sore after too much raking, the exercises here are most effective when done as soon after the exertion as possible.
About clarkscottroger
I LOVE THIS!! Before ever finding the Doctrine, I’d have some sort of “confrontation” (if you can call it that – I hate confrontation…let’s call it a run-in) with my brother in law and he’d blow up, ten minutes later he’d already forgotten about it. Me? I’d still be reeling. I always wondered how he could just forget about having some sort of explosive episode when I could never just ‘get over it.’ After finding the Doctrine, it affirmed what I observed: scotts forget while the clarks are still reeling.
And coming to think of it, looking back and realizing my own mom is a scott, that was her motto: just get over it. After rearranging the house and cleaning from top to bottom for the 30th time that day (she has a cleanliness obsession, lol) and would drive my dad and me nuts, she’d say, “oh, you’ll get over it,” and then go on her merry way. It would drive me absolutely batty.
The scenario you shared above the the story of my life. It’s tough: I often find myself reeling from one situation to the next…but at least I know that it’s a clark-thing and somehow that’s comforting. :)
@Cyndi
“I know that it’s a clark-thing and somehow that’s comforting. :)”
let me suggest: allow yourself to know that by knowing this you have altered how (such) confrontations/interactions will be for you. This is not to say that scotts will act differently, for you knowing how they are, afterall it is the nature of their worldview, their personal reality. But it is totally about how you think/act/feel when engaging scotts this is the real value of the Doctrine. (well, there is also the little matter of knowing how the world is for scotts and rogers… you know, have some kibble in your pocket next time you encounter them… or a rolled-up newspaper lol)
Totally now you have me looking at Scotts differently since your comment on my blog today about Lily, lol!! Great post as usual and definitely left me with even more food for thought!! :)
@Janine
…well, it was the photo in your Post today that got me thinking about the look of a scott… so thank you for the prompt. And as I mentioned in my Comment (at your Post) it is too early to decide, from a photo, if your daughter is a scott…it will be interesting to see if our early (guesses) are on the mark, or what
Thank you for answering my question! I wish I had seen your post before I left the house today, as I did the exact opposite of what you recommended when I came in contact with the Scott in question. I avoided. I backed away and promised myself I would say nothing at all. I even asked a friend to kick me under the table if I started to say anything feisty. It didn’t feel much better to behave this way.
I will be better prepared next time!
@Amy
…or just keep a rolled up newspaper in reach*
*we mean that in the most loving way, towards our scottian brethern lol
Hey I really like this new angle (or maybe it’s old and I missed previous reader questions) and how you explain it. Cool approach! And Amy, I really like the advice you got here and will be interested to see what happens when you either hit the Scott with a newspaper or confront him.
@Kristi
metaphor!! lol metaphor (“…well, Your Honor, I did in fact suggest that she employ a rolled up newspaper, but that was in keeping with the behavioral metaphor of the scottian personality types being like that of a predatory pack animal… no! I am not calling the Defendant a dog!… well, not precisely“)
Haha. Love it. Also linked up to you on my site.
Rolled up newspapers come in handy. And Scott might deserve the real one.
LOL Kristi. A scott might enjoy the real one but I bet a roger would enjoy it more:)
Tricky thing trying to describe how a clark “handles” the challenge of a scott. We say that clarks are not intimidated by scotts. A true statement. However, being a clark, I can say there has to be a thing that triggers the stfu(shut the fuck up) response from a clark (to the scott) as we naturally can/do put up with….just about anything. Family/personal threat(s) notwithstanding, it either has to be something that is extremely offensive and or tiresome in an over the top way. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be a “negative” thing. Can be a simple ranking issue, “you will not be higher over me” thing. (can’t seem to get my rogerian on to explain this lol)
As I fumble all clarklike here, I just know that at times it’s my own scottian aspect naturally exerting itself that finds a way to tell a scott “enough is enough”. clarks need to be cognizant that they do not have to “take” what a scott is dishing out. More often than not it’s not even personal to us even though we may take it that way.
Second – don’t be afraid of the scott’s reaction. scotts are not grudge holding and therefore any “harsh”, by clarklike standards, behavior they exhibit will have long since been forgotten.
Damn excellent conversation going on. Shame I cannot coalesce my words. LOL
This is great! I know a lot of people like that who just wipe aside things, and I’ll still feel angry or upset and want closure. Very interesting!
@Melanie
well, thats the cool thing about this here personality theory here. It’s not trying to say, “…this is the explanation for where our personalities come from and how they are influenced and modified by the emoto-reactive, inter-pastry influences of early childhood’
Hell no.
What we are saying is, ‘hey, you know how puppies can be all friendly and if you encourage them, they will respond with boundless energy and enthusiasm and if after a while you get tired of the game, but they are not…they will sneak up and nip you on the ankles to try to get you to keep playing and paying attention to them and if you yell, they seem to take encouragement and play even more until you finally roll them over on their back and get them to submit…and then they are alike ‘what do we do next’?
Well thats what the Wakefield Doctrine has to offer…when it comes to one of the three personality types that account for your family and friends and the people at work and that neighbor-who-seems-friendly-enough-but-doesn’t-want-to-talk-much, and the clerk at the store (who you see being deadly serious and so solemn on one visit and the next time she smiles and says something in a low-hard-to-hear voice that when you figure out just what she did say, you totally crack up… and she keeps a straight face… you know people like that).
As we say, the Wakefield Doctrine is a way of looking at the behavior of the people in our lives and (by looking at it a certain way) gain a new understanding of why they do the things that they do!
…and, of course, it is a way of looking at ourselves and, if we have the courage (and the Will) change the things about ourselves that we have always wanted to change but have never quite managed to….change lol
HAHA! Kibbles and a rolled up newspaper. I’ll remember that! ;)
I love what Denise said: not to be afraid of the scott reaction. THAT is so hard to do. I keep picking on my poor brother in law – he’s really a cool dude – but his explosiveness has me walking on eggshells around him. My dad’s like that…my other friend’s like that…all these EGGSHELLS! JUST HOW do we crack those stupid eggshells and gain the confidence to walk and talk as we please? LOLOLOL…I laugh because I think, for me, it comes down to…meditation. If I can keep my breathing even and calm, then I can deflect the anger and the energy and replace it with positive energy. :)
@Cyndi
a very valid point (about controlling our ‘natural’ response to a scottian interaction), being clarks, we (of the three) can get value from information like this. Having said that, for significant changes and alterations merely knowing is not enough, in a sense, we need to marshall all three worldviews (remembering that we have the potential of the ‘other two’) to effect genunine change/improvement.
Fortuantely, we are clarks which means we have the talent for perspective, to see from afar, if you will. Unfortunatley, this knowledge is not, in and of itself sufficient.
But the Doctrine is certainly a good tool and…fun too!