Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)
This is the Wakefield Doctrine’s contribution to the Six Sentence Story bloghop.
Hosted by Denise, there is a single rule: a story is to have six sentences; no more and no less.
Our Ian Devereaux Six is a continuation of this Six
Prompt word:
WEB
“… a tangled web, Devereaux, a fuckin’ tangled web.”
Lou had my attention.
My plan was to say goodnight to Diane Tierney, go home and binge out on a made-for-cable series, something totally demented, like ‘Preacher’; I was half-turned towards the exit, something in his voice made me stop.
I looked down at the man and felt my legs fold into a near-balletic isosceles triangle as I sat back down opposite him in the booth.
The smoke of his cigar, usually shrouding his face, parted for a second and I saw a look in his eyes that, had I retained a tenth of the ambition that made my teenage years such an approach-avoidance hell and even the most rudimentary grasp of rhetoric, I could’ve gone home and written a best selling novel.
“This job, you do it good and I’ll owe you one,” against the ambient light found only in back booths in urban restaurants and failing-college student dorm rooms, Lou’s cigar glowed an abracadabra-red and the smoke returned to its guard duties masking his face.
About clarkscottroger
Read while “soundtrack” played. Total enhancement to a most excellent scene.
Sentence 6 my favorite, if for nothing other than “…Lou’s cigar glowed an abracadabra-red…”
yeah in the land of wtf?!! writing, the cigar thing was fun, made me laugh to myself
Nice description of the smoke doing guard duty on Lou’s face. The phrase “failing-college student dorm rooms” brings back enough memories of ancient dorm rooms to fit the ambient light of the booth Lou and Devereaux were sitting in.
ain’t it so? (all blacklight and incense)
Ace-choice of soundtrack, and I’m echoing Denise on the “cigar glowed an abracadabra-red” … and this is how to make an exit “the smoke returned to its guard duties masking his face.”
yeah, Lou is one of those characters that we all are amazed (and totally grateful for) when they ‘show up’ in a writer’s stories.
all my favorite things in one six – thank you.
Wow.
thank you
That’s a big cigar (and why not, especially one of those from Dominican Republic).
(yeah, the research is half the fun in writing) but then, checking in with friends like you and Nick keeps the authenticity police at bay
“The smoke of his cigar, usually shrouding his face, parted for a second and I saw a look in his eyes that, had I retained a tenth of the ambition that made my teenage years such an approach-avoidance hell and even the most rudimentary grasp of rhetoric, I could’ve gone home and written a best selling novel.” – great sentence!
“Lou’s cigar glowed an abracadabra-red and the smoke returned to its guard duties masking his face.” – also a great line of description.
I quite liked how the smoke unveiled and re-veiled Lou’s face, adding emphasis to his statement to Ian.
Also, this image of Lou as a man shrouded by a cloud of cigar smoke reminded of Sir from A Serious of Unfortunate Events.
(looked up the reference… cool)
Five excellent sentences, one (final) brilliant sentence!
I’ve not had a cigar for ages, I wonder…
thank you, Keith