Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)
This is the Wakefield Doctrine’s contribution to the Unicorn Challenge bloghop.
Once a week, jenne and ceayr offer a photograph and invite one (and all) to write a story of no more than two hundred and fifty words.
Trying, as always, to step up my writing game. …(of late Nancy‘s been getting all kinds of creative, between hyphenating ceayr’s narrative one week to channeling Albee another), this week: a 250 word story with a choice of endings.
This week’s photo:
“Papa?”
“Our first vacation as a family! I promised, did I not? This year your summer would make your classmates green with envy at the beginning of the Fall term.”
“Yes, but…”
The line of cars approaching the private parking lot moved slowly; imperceptibly to a seven-year-old. In the imaginations of the two in the backseat: an adventure on the high seas and, concurrently, (apropos to an impatient child), a shipwreck on a coral reef, tide ebbing and isolating. Rendered on countless scraps of paper, gathered in Winter scrapbooks, images sprang from the imagination into broad frescoes and dioramas shared with a silent friend.
“Every day after school, after I completed my lessons, I would tell her how wonderful it would be at our maison d’été à la mer and we would dream the same dream.”
“I understand, but as you grow older and the world widens, you will come to appreciate the value of social structure. Imagine how chaotic life would become if we did not set limits?”
[Ending A]
“Then I shall stay here, in the car. She is my friend and I will not leave her alone.”
[Ending 2]
As the gardien de parking started the Mercedes, the scowling man leaned through the open window and said, “Stay in the car, don’t talk to strangers, better yet, keep the windows shut. I pay you to take care of my daughter, not fill her head with such foolishness as being a fellow vacationer on summer holiday.”
About clarkscottroger
Messed up, eh? Made less by choice of ending??
“Imagine how chaotic life would become if we did not set limits?” Damn.
ty
Much prefer ending ‘A’. Deliciously evocative line: ‘Rendered on countless scraps of paper, gathered in Winter scrapbooks, images sprang from the imagination into broad frescoes and dioramas shared with a silent friend.’
While I wrote Ending 2 as part of my assignment* I prefer Ending A
* this was one where I started with a ‘how can you write a story with a hard ending, to affect the Reader as much as possible, ideally catching them by surprise but then added A cause that’s the one I wanted to read
Such hopefulness and delight in the images she draws, and such a crashing back down to earth in the ending (both endings, although ending A provides a softer landing-I choose A).
All of us seem to agree with your preference in ending :)
A descriptive masterpiece that I’ve come to expect; you did not disappoint. Denouement A.
ty, SS
‘the value of social structure’ aka ‘What will the neighbours think’, the words of a parent who has forgotten what it is to be a child.
But, contrary as ever, Ending 2.
Once she’s got her toes in the water, she’ll have fun!
funny you should pick that ending (and, quite encouraging)… I referenced in my Reply to Doug how this was one of those ‘assignment’ stories that I propose to myself, i.e. how can I create a specific reaction in the Reader.
no surprise, but while I started with a certain hook, domestic on the sign/domestic help (au pair) one of the first things that came to mind was, ‘How can I punch the Reader in the stomach for an ending like ceayr does?’
no, really… that is how I started. But then with the set up and the ‘you’re only the hired help’ ending, I didn’t have enough confidence in how it ‘read’.
So, naturally I went for another, more characteristic story (not that I don’t like the stuff I write, but I have this thing about improving my ‘range’ or whatever the word is)
I use the metaphor of music when thinking about writing (having had a phase of that art form way back in the day) and it’s still, ‘Sure you can play the blues (or ballads/country/fusion) pretty good, but try something that others do well.
ya know?
Great story, Clark.
I go for ending A, but, forever on the fence, I can see her contribution to ending B.
Think how exciting the world would be if she got her hands on social structure.
‘The line of cars…’ – this paragraph is sheer poetry.
And the sharing with the ‘silent friend’ – ah yes, the beloved ‘silent friend’ of many a childhood.
Thanks, j.
(don’t tell anyone*) but the Ending A, in my mind was a dog (yeah, shocker there)… but I don’t think I put enough clues in for the Reader. I like your reference to the ‘silent friend’ (cough…clarks..cough) but I suppose it could go either way.
The other interesting thing this week was, for reasons uncertain, I decided to go non-specific gender on the protagonist… interesting challenge even in such a short form as this to leave it for the Reader to descide
*no, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that joke**)
** in the ‘real’ world, I’m a real estate broker and whenever I’m showing a house that has a lockbox (for access) and I have trouble with the code, I invariably turn to my buyers waiting patiently and say, “No, Don’t tell me, I know this one.”
bar rum bump