Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)
We join them crazy-gifted fictioneers over at ceayr and jenne‘s place, the Unicorn Challenge. As a mixed social gathering, it’s less intimidating than Spin the Bottle or Seven Minutes in Heaven, but given the skills exhibited in their two-hundred-fifty-word stories (based on the photo-prompt below), we’re surprised we work up the nerve to join in even every-other-Friday.
Wish us luck.
The Number 9 (Direct Express to Liverpool-Hertfordshire-Manchester) blurred past those waiting on the platform with no more warning than a brief Doppler’d shriek of its horn. A negative-tunnel of air passing the station; all confetti-litter and iron-rattles blurred by it’s quantum state of permanent indeterminacy.
The quiet it left behind was one of the few insights into the world God intended, after the fiasco in the Garden. The only certainty He intended his flawed, if not prolific, Race of Man to have was simple: Loud/Not Loud. The Unified Theory of Getting Through Life.
For the most part, those on the platform were not there by choice. Comprised almost entirely of Commuters waiting to leave Home to Go To Work, the essential itinerary of capitalism.
The only free humans that morning were a young couple and a child.
The remainder of the people, (standing in for Heisenberg’s mythical ‘Observers), wore the shackles of Adulthood (tastefully accessorized by his slutty half-sister, Sophistication) affected not to notice these three societal outliers.
The child, in the forest of adults, stood with eyes wide in wonder. Being young he perceived the world as but forces and temporary objects, leaving little behind other than emotion solidified into hope and fear.
The couple had each other. They were at the peak experience of this relationship because they were parting. Why is inconsequential. When was all that matter to them.
Like the child, but unlike everyone else, they felt the incidental gift of a certain Garden, loss.
*
About clarkscottroger
Bravo, clark. At the top of your form here. ‘A negative-tunnel of air passing the station; all confetti-litter and iron-rattles blurred by it’s quantum state of permanent indeterminacy.’
thanks Doug
(congrats on your own story gettin’ to be ‘Pick of the ‘Corn on this week’s TToT
so, wild guess, you were one of those precocious kids that enjoyed creating origami (those paper figure things that can’t, actually, be taught)
“leave Home to Go To Work, the essential itinerary of capitalism.”
Breaking their backs for the man.
Jimi.
Yep.
what not to love about that video… “I was scared to death” lol! always fascinating when the real person and the performer offer such contrasts…
I hear ya!
You’ve gone deep this week, Clark, and philosophical.
Trenchant observation of capitalism in action.
The ‘societal outcasts’ the only real people.
And the eternal presence of loss.
Favourite phrase?
‘the shackles of Adulthood (tastefully accessorized by his slutty half-sister, Sophistication’
Excellent story.
Thankee, Miz 49. (I ‘stumbled upon that peculiar (and totally fun) ‘construct’* (something) and his/her (relative)
Thanks for doing the Unicorn ‘hop thing. Good opportunity to mix up on my writing practice.
*simile? analogy? damn can never keep those rhetorical hooks straight, come the day I get serious about this writing thing, I surely need to enroll in some remedial grammar/writing**
** what the hell am I saying?!?! I’ve made that mistake more than once, back when I started with the fiction, going and finding sites claiming to being able to teach me how to write good. It’d take, easily 3 weeks before I’d go near a keyboard after only one lesson lol
Dare I tease you by calling your story sophisticated? It truly is excellent.
lol
(I am aware, first hand, I might add, of the effects of a secondary scottian aspect in a clark.*)
* fortunately one’s secondary (and, for that matter, tertiary) aspect is additive, a seasoning, if you will of one’s predominant worldview. pretty much always an enhancement, the spirit of one’s predominant worldview always shines through)
Clark, I hope you don’t mind me saying that I think your recent writing reaches new heights (and depths).
You have tempered your individual acute perspective on life with a tightness of style that permits the reader a clear view of your intriguing vision.
To put it in your own words, dude!
appreciate that, c
(that said, I will compliment you and jenne on your bloghop. though in no way an expert on the matter of writing prompts, bloghops and such, the tone of what you do at the ‘corn surely is the best part. The Doctrine has a specialized language for how people relate themselves to the world but it does not require a degree in rocketry science to see that you and jenne are the key. of all the ‘and’ combinations employed when describing the synergistic effects of two different people creating one thing… fire and water comes to mind. And, in the way of the kind of people I chose to associate with, here in the ‘sphere, it is not the gross (aka unimaginative) incompatibility of the two, rather it is the product of the effort to combine.
or something to that effect
…you’re welcome*
* old pedantics never die they… just run out of ink lol
Did my comment disappear?
No. No it did not.
There no train from Liverpool-Hertfordshire-Manchester (I should know), so there must be a problem with the doppler effect!
damn that doppler!
lol
It was like I was on the opposite platform listening as you put into words what I was observing. Nice one.
thanks, Keith
So there the child stands, on his way to loss of innocence as inevitable as the 9 to 5.
And as has been observed, we’ve got to get ourselves back the the garden? (CSNY?)
funny how varied the inspiration for Sixes can be (yes)
I like how you move through all that noise and the repetitive mechanistic routines of the ‘shackled’ commuters to the focus of the little family of three, and how you tell us so much about them in so few words. What a contrast. Great.
Thank you Margaret. This is a relatively recent ambition, to use less words while still (hopefully) painting a certain picture.
The ‘corn is a great bloghop for this purpose.