Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

A true classic in so many ways!

Readers: Here, in mid-Oceania, we are celebrating today the most scottian of holidays. The Fourth of July.

How scottian? Welll… how does: minimal clothing encouraged, menu geared to ‘eating-on-the-run’, cuisine grounded in out-door-cooking by impromtu chefs, copious amounts of aliphatic petroleum solvents in squeezable metal cans with a spout most professional squirt-gun enthusiasts would envy (for both volume and range) and…

Fireworks! sound to you?

The only holiday-specific activity that, on the other three hundred sixty four days of the year, requires a Master EOD rating (the insignia with Seven-Fingers wreath, that is). All explosive materials and devices, made available this one day of the year in your local Walmart, Ace Hardware, Toys ‘R Us and Hallmark Party Store.

Heck! Fourth of July and scotts be like:

• sudden loud sounds and the profession of love
• running and … capturing!
• asking a group of the opposite gender: “Does this bathing suit look too small to you?”
• on the wall of the local 911 call center: “Hey! Watch this!” and “Last reported traveling at excessive speed…”

We could go on all morning, but what’s the point of having a rogerian aspect (very weak, in the case of Your Humble Narrator) if we can’t leverage the past?

the first Doctrine post noting the proclivity of scotts and certain holidays:

a chart providing the average shelf-life of ideas for Posts* …..the Wakefield Doctrine ( happy scottian Holiday!)

July 3, 2012

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine ( the personality theory that you can learn, understand and use today!! )

childhood memories involving  learning to become a better person:   …………………………… 6 hours
childhood memories involving learning bad habits and behavior:      ……………………………  3 days
childhood memories involving doing something publicly embarrassing to adults:    …………. 2 years
adolescent  fantasies   that result in being scarred for life:
(physically scarred): 3 years  (emotionally scarred): 5 years
workplace situations that result in receiving a raise:  ………………………………………………… 6 hours
workplace situations that result in being fired: ………………………………………………………..  3 months
workplace situations that result in being arrested: ……………………………………………………. 4 years
relationship maturity demonstrated in daily life:  ……………………………………………………..  1.4 hours
relationship immaturity demonstrated in public: ………………………………………………………  4 days
a Post trying to illustrate the ephemeral nature of creative ideas: ………………………………….. 75 minutes

Quick reminder about the Holiday tomorrow:  If you do not know that July 4th is one of the most scottian of holidays, then you need to write  in one of the Comment boxes below 50 times

“scotts love loud noises, it lets them believe they can have an effect on the world“.

Seriously, picture the coming Holiday:

• takes place at the height of the Summer season
• eating and drinking to excess is encouraged
• minimal clothing allowed in virtually all public places (including churches and hospitals)
• outdoor sports activities including chasing frisbees, being dragged behind a boat and the use of explosive devices (such explosives, that were it December instead of July,  a visit from Homeland Security would be the immediate result)
• …minimal clothing

So for you non-scotts reading this, three July 4th Survival Tips:

1. stay indoors
2. keep the lights off and the glow of the TV shielded from windows and doors
3. turn up the air conditioning and ….wear extra clothes

We hope that helps.

*

#wakefielddoctrine #clarksscottsandrogers #personality types