Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)
This is the Six Sentence Story bloghop.
Hosted by Denise
This week’s installment is mostly an exercise in writing a scene which challenges us to portray the emotional state of the protagonist. The plot remains the same, i.e. the search for the reason for Elias Thunberg’s murder, but having stumbled across the music vid below, we thought, why not practice mood, rather than propel the plot.
Enjoy
Previously in ‘the Case of the Missing Fig Leaf’…
The day had been an endless parade of people asking Ian to find something they deserved to have, resented being deprived of, but intractably reticent to offer the reason why it was important to them. Two packs of cigarettes and a neglected lunch later, the Owner and sole proprietor of Desiderata Investigations and Conflict Resolution Services, LLC fought the urge to dial the number that would put him on an off-shore fishing boat before the sun rose again. Before he could, the door to the outer office opened and Hazel, his part-time admin, stood in the rectangle of light and said, “Hey, whenever it feels like everyone is ganging up on me, I remind myself that I can always get another set of everyone. Ya know?” She laughed the way fun used to sound, when we were too young to appreciate it; her long, dark hair, defying gravity throughout business hours, cascaded earthwards in chestnut waves of relaxed joy. “Take it easy on yourself, boss,” and raised an eyebrow.
Prompt word:
VIDEO
“You go ahead, I just remembered something I forgot,” Hazel’s skeptical look bolstered my confidence in my ability to spot talent, at least when hiring a part-time receptionist/administrative assistant; that wasn’t completely without value, right?
The ceiling-to-floor windows behind my desk were going all votive on the room, as the sunset, bleeding to death against the concrete and steel towers standing between my office and the western horizon, promised to spend the night plotting revenge.
As I sat, a childhood memory tricked me into smiling about the first time I went to a mid-afternoon matinee; the theatre, now the site of a combination Jiffy Lube and BlueCross Minute Clinic, ran double features on Saturdays; although we walked into the lobby that reeked of buttered-popcorn and velvet upholstery in bright October light, when we left it was three-quarters to nighttime; finally, in my senior year in high school, I encountered the word: frisson.
Despite my better judgement, I turned my computer back on and wandered aimlessly through the folders hidden behind innocuous labels like, Archived and Laid-to-Rest; I was about to escape back to the world of mortgage payments and women who wanted more than I had to give, when I demonstrated the classic, willful indulgence that energized the climax of more horror movies and romantic tragedies than I could count; I moved backwards in time, one date-stamped folder at a time.
What hobbled my escape, like an arrow through the Achilles tendon, was a folder labeled dog-dot-jpg, a collection of videos from the year Haley and I moved into our first house; the lead video was of she and I, sitting on the new backyard lawn, new sod still showing the lines between the rows, watching our new puppy, Cleo, demonstrate the proper way to enjoy life, which, after eighteen years and several degrees worth of higher education, I was now in a position to know had something to do with living in the moment.
I could almost feel the optimism, as waves of the fortunately rare emotional alloy of love and regret made me push back in my chair, as lost as the final passenger on a sinking ocean liner confronted with the choice between staying on board or joining frightened people in an open lifeboat; the end was not in doubt, rather just a question of whether I preferred the illusion of company or the honesty of a solo trip.
About clarkscottroger
“Previously” was a story all it’s own. The mood/dynamic/connection between Ian and Hazel, palpable; seamlessly expressed.
As to the Six at hand – I see how Ms. Lee might have held sway over the tone(s) of your Six.
Mood conveyed in subtle, see saw style.
If I had to choose 2 favorite sentences, put me down for 2 and 6.
Agree with sentence faves.
Been a while since (we’ve) spent time with Miz Grover.
The same with going through old photo folders of long gone family members and the cats and dogs we grew up with up … sometimes it takes a strong heart or the ice cold eyes of a detective to press ‘open’. Sentence 5 and 6 capture the mood nicely.
Then there’s the piece of music that jogs the memories and can bring a smile or tears of loss…
‘Portraying the emotional state’ checkbox ticked.
Fun exercise.
So, I gots to wonder, how it might have gone had I tried my hand at word-slinging, back in the before-time, (instead of guitar). Despite moderate success (measured in high school dances, wedding receptions and college frat parties), I now suspect I needed to run-over a few more mailboxes, side-swiped a couple of more parked cars, to feel relaxed and/or confident enough to ‘get up on stage’, on Open-keyboard Night, here at the ‘Psyche-Reclamation Café and Barre’
Defo nailed the ‘mood thing’. My fav sentence of this splendid sextet is 2.
Thankee, Miz Hall
Bogey, Peggy Lee, great writing…The trifecta of sss day! yay you!
Thanks, Paul. The song, boss, the song* started me on this particular narrative path.
* Hervé Villechaize voiceover here
I like the description of the life boat as an “illusion of company”. And the ominous phrase: “the western horizon, promised to spend the night plotting revenge”
Ain’t that the fun of these stories and serialettes? Little, tiny pictures in our heads all typed out and grammified.
Always nice when you include a dog in the six sentence.
Thank you.
Love how this SSS wandered into reverie. This SSS is a good one for me to study because of how you describe the settings. I still have so much to learn, and learning from the other writers in this SSS blog hop provides a mini classroom of sorts. :-)
Thanks for sharing the Rodger’s and Hart’s song. An oldie, and a good one.
I agree whole-heartedly on the learning aspect. I imagine what we do here is not all that different from writing courses in the ‘real’ world. As I mentioned in the intro, the song suggested a mood, the rest was to try to portray it.
Of course, my attendance grade is surely far better here than it would have been there… but then agin, I don’t recall the brick ‘n ivy schools didn’t offering time travel and teleportation to look over the shoulders of my classmates.
As always, you weave a masterpiece.
Thank you, Mimi
Did you enjoy this exercise? It seems you did. Ian is getting real. (see sixth sentence)
Very much so.
(By virtue of my being a clark and therefore a late-comer to the ‘it’s about emotional content’ party), while I still enjoy painting the scenes purple, starting with a feeling (a view of the world through emotions) is definitely satisfying*)
*in the reality of clarks, that means ‘fun’
lol
Another enjoyable SSS episode; a change of pace, reflecting in Ian’s mood. Moreover, a chance for the reader to catch up with the story. 😊
Thanks I hadn’t thought of it that way (the catching up thing), cool.