Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)
This is the Six Sentence Story bloghop.
Hosted by Denise, read by millions.
This is an Ian Devereaux week. The Six below is the next installment in our serial story, ‘the Case of the Missing Fig Leaf‘
The prompt word:
BEAM
“Beam me up, Scotty!’
Captain Bernhardt Wolff and Cardinal Deitler stared at me with an Old World patience, the same look of suspicious incomprehension witnessed by Squanto when he landed in England on the first, and very prototypical, Western cultural exchange.
Leanne and I were resisting the slippery embrace of a leather-and-brass sofa in our host’s office on the third floor of the Wiesbaden City Hall; across from us, a fireplace with a hearth older than our country-of-origin, to either side, wingback chairs; I considered asking for a cognac, but didn’t want to appear impressed.
Upon our arrival, the captain of the Wiesbaden police department introduced the cleric, a thin man, in his late sixties, wearing wire-rimmed glasses and a scarlet biretta; the tufts of white hair protruding from the edges of the square cap gave him the appearance of an expensive Christmas tree ornament.
After the introductions, Wolff turned it over to the cardinal who held forth for an easy thirty minutes on the subject of secret monastic societies, a cabal of defrocked clergy and the possibility of criminal activity; almost as an after thought, he paused and looked over at the captain, who added without the slightest sense of logical continuity, “I trust you have no objections to my inviting the Cardinal, as tie up any loose ends in the matter of the unfortunate death of Mrs. Thunberg’s husband.”
“Former husband,” my pleasure at the hint of a smile on Leanne’s face should have been a warning; instead, I swear-to-god I felt slight of expansion across my upper chest; as an additional reward, Leanne shot me a sidelong glance, did something with her hip that felt like a playful punch to the shoulder and standing, said, “Then you won’t mind being available to us, as we’ll be staying a little longer than originally planned.”
About clarkscottroger
Great minds or is it that Beam me UP is chiselled in our minds? Good six as always you are a master craftsman at this stuff.
Both
lol
thanks, man
very well done – Leanne has a power that few mere mortals possess.
yeah, she’s alright
I like his description as “an expensive Christmas tree ornament”.
thanks, (don’t know why a Cardinal in full regalia should prompt that association, but it’s a Six, whaddya gonna do?)
Frank beat me to the punch here. Your description of the cleric fit right in with season, and was so easy to imagine. Laughter ringing here.
Thanks, Pat… (these descriptions) are the fun (for me) in writing, at this stage of the process
Looking forward to the “crossover episode”!
Leanne’s ex didn’t have no simple car accident, lol Clearly there is something more underfoot.
yeah, but where is the girl?
Like that hip action.
seriously! I remember, god knows how or why, something like that happening in my college days… stuck with me, a lifetime later.
There is a magnificent gem in each of these sentences…and that WOW’s me, as I can usually only manage one per 6, if that! :) In #2 it’s the “look…Squanto” bit; #3, it’s the “slippery embrace of the leather and brass sofa”; #4, the entire description of the cleric–not just the very fine comparison with a Christmas tree ornament; #5, the whole paragraph had me feeling I was there in the room, listening–which is what writers should strive for ALL the time, right?
#6–I had a bit of trouble following this, but I’m sure it’s just me…nonetheless, the subtle interplay between the characters’ body language as well as words was definitely suggestive of more to come, and a bit spicy (tastefully done) unless I’ve read the whole thing wrong.
I know there are strong opinions regarding use of semicolons, dashes, parentheses, etc…but when I have a sentence that must include 2 or 3 characters–whether both are speaking or one is mutely responding to the other–I use some (or all of those) to hopefully make it clear who’s saying or doing what. If that makes any sense… But I’m NOT telling you how to practice your literary art, I’m merely saying what I do, since we all know my compound sentences are apt to be unwieldy, to say the least. It’s tough to get a full “episode or scenes” in 6 sentences…so I’ll use anything including a sawhorse almost, to separate the “who and what” for my readers’ sake. :)
Thank you Jael*
…you afford me a perspective that is most appreciated. First thing is I am so torn (each week) between Baby Shoes and CinemaScope1
I enjoy both ambitions. Can I write with fewest evocative words and still be coherent? Worthy Ambition, fer sure. But… but! the fun of the visual writing.
So, that last paragraph/sentence Sentence 6… I actually thought to myself, ‘hey, clark! thin that darling down!’
(I confess to the primal sin of vanity: I really liked the two parts of the beginning of Sentence 6, ‘the red flag’ and the ‘hip bump’. I knew I should save one of them for another Six, just gave in to the ‘but its good’ lol)
The idea for the last sentence was to bring us back to the narrator and his relationship to Leanne while, hopefully advancing the plot. Too many words/images.
I wanted to wrap up the Six with a reinforcement of the relationship between Ian and Leanne, as this (the relationship) is the only thing I’m ‘sure about’ in the story….lol no, I have no idea what happens next.
Interesting point about grammar and helping the Reader make a distinction between (multiple) characters…. (I think I didn’t make maximum use of the immediacy of Ian’s 1st POV)
Thanks on the sentence #5 compliment, but now that I re-read it (as part of this comment) I see something that perhaps you are alluding to in your point about the use of the grammatical tools we have….
“…he paused and looked over at the captain, who added without the slightest sense of logical continuity, “I trust…”
ayiiee! there are two characters in action but only one proper name for three (different) pronouns!! lol. The ‘he’ being the cardinal… but the captain was producing the next spoken dialogue. In my defense I always get nervous when I try to have two character speaking in the same ‘sentence’.
The time is pulling on my chair… will return, thanks for the writing discussion.
* both for the compliment and the discussion of the technical aspects of writing a Six**
** this is, for me, one of the most valued aspects of the SSS ‘hop… to see how others achieve an effect using nothing but words! (plus grammar, of course) lol the frequency is very conducive to the learning benefit
1) Baby Shoes is a reference to what, to me, is the gold standard of flash fiction. (the story about Hemmingway betting he could write the shortest novel and wrote (on a table napkin***) ‘For Sale: Baby Shoes, never worn’ This helps with the editing phase
*** I really hope thats a true story…’specially the writing an a napkin lol
(I confess to the primal sin of vanity: I really liked the two parts of the beginning of Sentence 6, ‘the red flag’ and the ‘hip bump’. I knew I should save one of them for another Six, just gave in to the ‘but its good’ lol)
Clark, I would definitely keep BOTH the red flag and hip bump!!! :) Absolute gems!
Ah, you do keep us wondering how deep this is going to go. Very, i would imagine.
yeah… hopefully I can stay a step (or chapter) ahead of everone
“Appearance of an expensive tree ornament” – nice!
thanks
Tree ornament! Bang! Golden work.
was a fun one