Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

We’re going to talk about change and self-improvement for a little bit.

One of the original ‘teaser statements’ of this blog was, ‘with an understanding of the Wakefield Doctrine, you need never again hear yourself say, “how could they do such a thing? I really thought I knew them better than that!” ‘.
We stand by that statement to this day. An understanding and application of the principles of the Wakefield Doctrine, will allow you to know more about the other person than you have any right to know. The Doctrine is very, very useful in the effort to better understand the people in our lives. (Provided, of course, that we have a desire to better understand the people in our lives! Sometimes people take up with personality theories and the like, simply because they want another way to make the other person act differently. Sometimes that is a worthy goal, say, when the other person is trapped in some self-limiting or even, self-injurious behavior and other times it is a selfish ambition, when you hope to make another person conform to what is best for you. In neither case will the Wakefield Doctrine be of any use.

We have a saying, ‘the Wakefield Doctrine is for you, not them’ which means that there is nothing you might learn and/or  understand about the Wakefield Doctrine that will make the other person change.* All we promise about the Wakefield Doctrine is that you will have one more perspective on your world, one more way to better understand what the other person might be experiencing, (that accounts for their particular behavior). But you can’t make ’em change  (“oh honey? I know you hate to go to my family’s barbecues… it says here that you need to be more rogerian!!  honey?!  you’re not listening again, are you? yes, I know you can repeat every word I just said… but,  but  oh my god!!! It just dawned on me!! you’re…..a……clark!!!”)

that last little italics passage?  that’s the Wakefield Doctrine.

• the other people in our lives do not always share a like (or a dislike) in everything that we do
• while it is natural to want the other person to share the things that we find enjoyable, it does not always happen…
• trying to make another person view a thing positively, as opposed to negatively…. especially the interpersonal things  family and friends and such, is almost always futile
• understanding how the other person in our lives experiences a situation is 90% of understanding why they behave a certain way
• when you use the Wakefield Doctrine to better understand the people in your life, it is a certainty that you will learn more about yourself

So we know that we can’t make people change how they behave… let me rephrase that, until we can experience the world as the other person is experiencing it, there is no way we’re going to be able to influence that person’s behavior. The Wakefield Doctrine is a way to be able to  ‘see the world as the other person is experiencing it‘, and when we can understand how the other person is relating themselves to the world around them, only then will their behavior make sense. Not more to our liking, necessarily, but more understandable.

So, if you’re still reading, you are one of those people who have a desire to understand the world more, rather than less. Hell, I’ll go even further! You’re the type who enjoys imagining things that may, or may not actually, technically be…real.  But the real quality that I’m finding in the Readers of our little personality theory that makes all the difference and, sets you even further apart from the masses is this: to have the confidence-in-self, the self-assurance that creates stability as opposed to insecurity, to be able to imagine that the other person is experiencing a different reality. You may or may not be surprised at how difficult that is for most people.  ‘yeah, we were both standing there and she said it didn’t bother her‘   ‘I know how well I explained my I had to leave the situation, and he still wants to know why I can’t understand why he yelled at the waiter‘  ‘no matter how often I explain to them that there is nothing to be afraid of, she still refuses to enjoy going to school‘

Congratulations on making this far in a rather… ramblistic Post.

* actually there is… it’s just way, way beyond the scope of this Post or, for that matter, my ability with the written word to describe…. ask me a direct question and I might give it a shot