With this in mind, the Wakefield Doctrine would like to offer  little, light (or, if you prefer ‘lite’) fare this Monday.

(in 1993 Jeff Foxworthy released his totally successful comedy album, ‘You Might Be a Redneck if…’ which, along with being very  funny, bestowed on blogwriters everywhere  a gift, a ‘device’ of value not seen since David Letterman’s ‘Top 10 things…’ )

With all due respect and appropriate disclaimers, credits, attributions, apologies and mal-referenced cultural authorities, we present:

If you immediately stop surfing the channels because you come upon a show that uses only black and white documentary photos and film…you might be a roger

If you love Christmas lawn decorations and cannot imagine having too many lights… you might be a scott

If you find a flier stuck under the windshield wiper of your car and you take the time to read it… you might be a clark.

If asked a question and you preface your answer with “in the beginning…”  you might be a clark.

If someone gets your name wrong mispronouncing it or just getting calling you something other than your actual name)  and you answer to it, without correcting them… you might be a clark.

If as a child building model cars, you made sure that the extra parts were put back in the box along with the re-folded instructions for future safekeeping…you might be a roger.

If you think that Slacker was the greatest movie made in the 1990s…you might be a clark

If you think that Borat was one of the funniest movies of (whatever) year…you might be a scott

If you think that the 107 episode,  Directors cut, 15 DVD un-abashed edition of the compilation (with Writers notes (including what he had for breakfast) and voice-over reading of the credits by someone who knew someone who was a re-enactor who actually got hurt at an event) of all Ken Burns films, PBS episodes and commercials that last longer than most readings of the Iliad is the greatest film of all time…you might be a roger

If you have any inclination to wear hats for a fashion statement (for male rogers only) or a ‘fanny pack’ (either male or female rogers), or for that matter any clothing designed specifically for riding a bicycle (branded or un-branded)…you might be a roger.

If you happen to be at a golf tournament and feel that it is expected of the members of the gallery to yell anything (including but not limited to “get in the hole!!”)…you might be a scott.

…and finally, you might be a clark or a scott or a roger

If you are contemplating a project of any sort; a new deck or a term paper, writing a resume or planting a garden:

…you look forward to making the list of things you need to buy/gather/acquire first more than anything else…you might be a clark

…you must know what your friends on the ’do it yourself’  shows have done, that is what you want…you might be a roger

…CONTEMPLATE? PLAN? I JUST FINISHED IT! SCREW YOU ITS DONE NO! THIS IS FINE …THE WAY IT IS…you might be a scott