the Wakefield Doctrine

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine ( the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers )

Lots to cover, not much time.

Here at the Doctrine, AKH is on the prowl again! New Post from her in the ‘Hey! a scott is talking!‘  (the column right below this and slightly to the right).  As always, she v on the mark and very direct, as is characteristic of her kind. (ed. note: When she says you better write or call in, my advice is ‘better just do what she says’…word to the wise, I’m the frickin progenitor and all I get is a 3 second head start ). In any event, our Ms. AKH is out working the hustings ¹  taking the Doctrine on the digital road, yo.

Oh, yeah, before I forget!  Tomorrow’s Saturday Night Drive?  Y’all in for a treat should you happen to dial: 218-339-0422  (then) enter: 512103#  ’cause none other than Progenitor roger be in da house. Due to my arrangements with certain people who insisted that Salt Lake City was the place to be in early March (Gooo! Fightin’ Mormons!) I will not be ‘on air’ as they used to say in the radio business. Fortunately, the roger stepped up and said, ‘oh man! really? I suppose but you better make it up to me’.

The photo? That is all I have with me at the moment to document my drive to the Bonneville Salt Flats to claim “by right of hat“. Just so no one is surprised and gets all, “oh man I was gonna claim Salt Lake City, they gots the Tabernacles and singers and pretty good skiing fairly nearby’. Well too bad, too sad. I will be the one with the hat in front of the landmark, which if you are a Reader of this blog, you will realise the City she is mine.! Now, if any rogers out there want to trade me, I might consider. If the truth be told, this whole State (of Utah) pretty as it is,…totally rogerian! Where the hell do I begin. Founder Joseph Smith seems like Roger Williams but with a slight case of ronco-itis. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like religions and even some rogers but a whole State? I should be impressed…actually lets make that our Wakefield Doctrine Lesson of the Day!

Religions according to the Doctrine:

• Roman Catholicism: scottian ( predator-friendly violence-prone nuns, )
• Protestant Denominations: rogerian  (they all look the same from here but who doubts they are all rogers)
• Jehovah Witnesseses: rogerian
• Buddhism (etc): clark ( ya think?)
• Rastafarian: scotts (with cool hair)
• Church of Scientology: rogerian (but extra points for extensive marketing)

Well, that wraps up our little Post. Will be back in town this weekend and should have something a little more coherent to add to the treasure trove that this thing of ours has become.

Don’t forget!! Call the roger

1)  A husting (called a stump in the United States) originally referred to a physical platform from which representatives presented their views or cast votes before a parliamentary or other election body. By metonymy, the term may now refer to any event, such as debates or speeches, during an election campaign where one or more of the representative candidates are present.  Hey, don’t act shocked at the arcanity…the ‘left field’ for the sake of the view…I’m a frickin clark! You wouldn’t want anything less. 

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine ( the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers ).

No, no let me get that door for you!

Presidential Proclamation–Women’s History Month, 2011

WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH, 2011

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION ( …if I can get a word in edgewise )

During Women’s History Month, we reflect on the extraordinary accomplishments of women and honor their role ( and rolls…crescent rolls  mmmm! ) in shaping the course of our Nation’s history.  Today, women have reached heights their mothers and grandmothers might only have imagined.  Women now comprise nearly half of our workforce ( ...and annoyed the hell out of the other half  ) and the majority ( thank god! Otherwise why go? ) of students in our colleges and universities.  They scale the skies as astronauts ( we voted for the term: “Sky Princess” but noo, had to be astronauts ) expand our economy as entrepreneurs and business leaders, and serve our country at the highest levels of government and our Armed Forces.  In honor of the pioneering women who came before us, and in recognition of those who will come after us, this month, we recommit to erasing the remaining inequities facing women in our day ( and trying really hard to remember to put down the toilet seat ).

This year, we commemorate the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day, a global celebration of the economic, political, and social achievements of women past, present, and future.  International Women’s Day is a chance to pay tribute to ordinary women throughout the world and is rooted in women’s centuries-old struggle to participate in society on an equal footing ( why it’s a size 4 how could you suggest larger? ) with men.  This day reminds us that, while enormous progress has been made, there is still work to be done before women achieve true parity. ( Yeah!! Paarty!! What? Oh…yeah that too )

My Administration has elevated the rights of women and girls ( girls girls… long legs and burgandy lips.. )  abroad as a critical aspect of our foreign and national security policy.  Empowering women across the globe is not simply the right thing to do, it is also smart ( unless you want to sleep on the couch, yo ) foreign policy.  This knowledge is reflected in the National Security Strategy of the United States, which recognizes that countries are more peaceful and prosperous when their female citizens enjoy equal rights, equal voices, and equal opportunities.  Today, we are integrating a focus on women and girls in all our diplomatic efforts ( man that Hiliary, is she a scottian broad or what? ) and incorporating gender considerations in every aspect of our development assistance.  We are working to build… conflict related sexual violence, both bilaterally and at the United Nations ( shit, theys gonna hate that little joke. )

In America, we must lead by example in protecting women’s rights and supporting their empowerment.  Despite our progress, too many women continue to be paid less than male workers, and women are significantly underrepresented in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (…mostly cause they are too busy painting teeny pictures of cats and unicorns on their frickin fingernails! Like do they think we care about fingernail decoration? )….

…As we reflect…

As we prepare to write the next chapter of women’s history, let us resolve to build on the progress won by the trailblazers of the past.  We must carry forward the work of the women who came before us and ensure our daughters have no limits on their dreams, no obstacles to their achievements, and no remaining ceilings to shatter ( unless, like she really, really wants to add another floor to the house.)

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim March 2011 as Women’s History Month.  I call upon all Americans ( and American-ettes heh hehe ) to observe this month and to celebrate International Women’s Day on March 8, 2011 with appropriate programs, ceremonies, (…shopping sprees, make-over party and that crap they stick in vases to smell up the house, looks like incense back in the day ) and activities that honor the history, accomplishments, and contributions of American women.  I also invite all Americans to visit www.WomensHistoryMonth.gov to learn more about the generations of women who have shaped our history ( some of whom are not all that ugly ).

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-eighth day of February, in the year of our Lord two thousand eleven, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-fifth.

BARACK OBAMA

It might be best that I remind the Reader that the Wakefield Doctrine ( the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers ) is ‘gender neutral’. This means, of course,  that the worldview/perceptual bias is the same for men and women alike. To be even more specific, a clarklike female is every bit as distracted, ambiguous and creative as her male couterpart; and the scottian woman is as intent on determining the presence of predators (and prey) in her immediate environment as is the raging scottian male and rogerian woman…they are just about as girlish as is the average roger. (Just kidding,  a very feminine rogerian female is as girlish as the average roger…lol)

So the Doctrine joins the President in the Celebration of Womens Month!

Now where did those scotts go?