Month: September 2010 | the Wakefield Doctrine - Part 2 Month: September 2010 | the Wakefield Doctrine - Part 2

Now, children! everyone find someone else and hold onto their hand

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine, class. If you pay attention, and listen closely, then at some time later in your life, much, much later, you will remember what you have learned here today. And when that time comes, you will say, (to your spouse, your friend, the police, your priest, the nurse or the man with the hearse)…”there was this place and there were these people and they told me about clarks, scotts and rogers and how it was so simple to understand other people if only I understood the Wakefield Doctrine! I see now that they were so very right…it is just sad that it is so very, very late for me…if only I had…written a Comment“!

Well, it’s not too late, binyons! You can participate, join in on the fun.  We are only a third of the way through the 90 Day Challenge, plenty of time to turn this bus around. Speaking of buses, lets make that the topic of today’s Post! (and the Wakefield Doctrine Lesson of the Day).

First Day of  School Trauma!

Alright! All-right! I’ll go first…

… oddly enough, I have no memory of 1st grade but I do remember that my 2nd grade Teacher’s name was Mrs. Brennan. Starting with the 2nd grade I attended a parochial school  and for the most part all the Teachers at Our Lady of Mercy (who doesn’t hear James Brown, “mer-cey!!”)School were nuns. Real nuns, not just sallyfield-looking-hey-just-a-normal-girl-who-happens-to-be-a-nun, no sir! These were Nuns of the Order of the Sisters of Mercy. En regalia, full-dress nuns. For those unfamiliar with the look, we’re talking about white on black habits, with face and hands as the only clue that there is a human there, never mind a female human. Damn! (The borg look like nudists compared to the Sisters of Mercy back in the early 60s.)
(Back to my First Day of School Trauma). Arriving in class, the very first thing I learned from a classmate was,  “if you don’t eat all your lunch, they make you eat in front of the whole school and for the first day of school they always serve something called Welsh Rabbit”. I spent the entire morning of the first day of school in the Second Grade in fear of what would happen when I refused to eat the Welsh Rabbit. We are talking “worry” on a level such that I was so focused on trying to come up with a plan to avoid the lunchroom embarrassment, that I almost got sent back to the First Grade.I could not have spelled my own name when called on, cause I was busy! I had to think of something!  Sitting in one of those desks with the fliptop writing surface and the seat attached and the whole thing held together by a wrought-iron frame. Somehow I survived. I look back now, from the vantage point of the Wakefield Doctrine, can there be any doubt that there was a clark sitting in that totally uncomfortable seat in September, trying to figure his way out of spot that (he) was barely equipped to deal with.

( …Pero Principal Clarke, lo que Wakefield Lección Doctrina del Día vamos a tener de su historia muy interesante?… )

Why thank you, Miguel,  for that reminder. The Lesson of the Day is more an illustration of the clarklike personality. The reaction of the 8 year old clark in this story is that his response to a threat was to try and think of a plan to avoid the embarrassment that he perceived to be waiting for him at lunch (he really, really hated cheese). The saying at the Doctrine is: clarks think, scotts act and rogers feel.

Alright DownSprings! Next?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obIo19DI_kk
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you can't pronounce 'scott' without the (silent) HEY!

Alright people…. listen up…

Today it’s time to give writing paper “CY” a big welcome.

She has been disciplining herself to the ways of the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers) and has discerned that she is a self-proclaimed clark. Way to go CY! Can’t wait to hear from you.

I’m sure that at this stage of the game she has already figured out “who” some of you are.

Wouldn’t you like to know? Then you know where to head.

Also have to give props to my man, Doug Borden for directing me to places where, in one instance, we have a reader/writer of the Top 5 Websites with Fun and Insightful Psychological Tests (makeuseof.com) who has created a link to the Wakefield Doctrine. Yes folks, it’s real! And the word is spreading. So jump on the bus. We promise it will be a great ride.

Oh, and by the way, once you think you’ve figured out “who” you are, you can purchase a one-of-a-kind hat (for your damn head) for only $19.51. Hell, it’s a steal. And with Christmas right around the corner it makes a great stocking stuffer. So start reading the damn posts already.    

“…you’re damn right I said that!!”

AKH-ette
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Treaty of Tordesillas, and a side of Fries?, damn thats good eatin!

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers). Here you can find: 

  1. fun
  2. constructive and useful insights
  3. information that will help you change your life for the better
  4. a secret club that has it very own branded line of clothing
  5. a system of personality that will allow you and your friend to feel totally superior to, like, everyone else
  6. the answer to your worst nightmare
  7. the 411 on Pope Alexander VI
  8. fun
  9. did we mention that Pope Alexander VI was really a Borgia? (and such a roger!)
  10. …and fun

 So, what’s with the Pope and his Treaty of Torteas? (you mean the Borgias? the cool, scheme-to-takeover-the-world, even though at that time the world was about the size of “Michigan’; family of amped-up rogers?) Yes, we mean that Pope and that Treaty. The reason we need to bring in the papacy on this is that we are starting to get people sending in photos of the Wakefield Doctrine hat (on assorted damn heads). This is a good thing, and if we believe in anything, we believe in taking what is ours. Go back a couple of days in the Posts, you will see that we (have decided) that the Wakefield Doctrine is claiming rights to the whole world.  (You rogers out there?, sitting there smoking a pipe or crocheting the pictorial history of your family into the 100 square yard quilt that you plan to bring to the next family reunion, to you rogers we say, “yeah, well we have a Pope backing our move! A Pope who is not only in the history books, but was the head of a global religion, if that were not enough credentials for you people, this Pope’s real last name was Borgia“.  (boo ya!)  But don’t believe me, here is a reference from Wikipedia that is the basis of our claim:

 

The first conquests were made by the Spanish and the Portuguese. In the 1494 Treaty of Tordesillas, ratified by the Pope, these two kingdoms divided the entire non-European world between themselves, with a line drawn through South America. Based on this Treaty, and the claims by Spanish explorer Vasco Núñez de Balboa to all lands touching the Pacific Ocean.(…think of Pope Alexander VI here as the Ray Kroc of the ‘land grant’ biz)

So to get all simplified and scottian about this thing, just send us a photo of you and your Wakefield Doctrine hat (on your damn head) in front of a recognizable landmark, geographical feature, local shopping mall, whatever, and we will give you ownership of that there place there (in your photo). 

Mel! dude! this “Michigan”? all yours buddy… Joanne? District of Columbia? yours if you want it!  Jason? the West Coast has not, I repeat, not been claimed yet! Yours for a photo…Ronin! send us the photo and “ole Man River” he be yours, eh? And from the looks of the photos leading this Post, our own DS#1 is down in FLA sayin, ” You want at that  Fountain of Youth, binyons? ya gotta talk to me!”  (Hey, anyone looking to stock up on elderly Canadians…dial DS1-555-1212.)
Come on Progenitors, DownSprings and/or Readers, is there a part of the world, that you been hankerin for?  Maybe as small as your own neighborhood or perhaps something in a medium-sized continent. The Wakefield Doctrine can make it yours by Right of Hat.

Hey, you don’t have to spell your name de Gama or Cortez to get in on this sweet deal! Send us a photo of your hat and whatever is behind it is yours.*

Let’s get this thing goin!

Mr. B?

(Cortez, yo think you missed some… hey if the level of cultural strength is evidenced by this songs’ lyrics, how hard can it be to claim your territory by Right of Hat?)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uN0UZ1EM-Jk

*indigenous peoples, chattel, trademarks and other rights may be subject to some….negotiations…the Wakefield Doctrine guarantees all rights to those people, places and things possessing of and by virtue of common law interpretation as being clarklike, scottian and/or rogerian.  Hey, all Cortez had was a letter from the Pope in a language the locals couldn’t read…and a bunch of guys on horses with coffee grinders on their damn heads!

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Class? it’s Saturday!! no frickin way…what, did Nixon get elected*?

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers). Aka the place you can come to:

  • read about yourself and all your friends and family
  • learn about the three personality types that account for everyone you know!
  • learn about yourself, why your best friend acts one way with some people and totally different with others
  • laugh as you read about the ways that you can recognise the other two personality types
  • say (nearly outloud) AHA! that’s why she seems like a stranger when so and so comes around
  • cringe as you see how your own type can act (and not realise how they look)
  • have fun with your best friend/partner/spouse as you accept the fact that all three types share all traits
  • simply discover the Doctrine and read and learn and laugh and cry and…..buy a hat (for your damn head)

Before we get into the Wakefield Doctrine Lesson of the Day, a note about our subtitles. We used to use a lot of odd punctuation and stuff so that it read more like a subtitle from the old days, like a Charles Dickens novel…SHIVERING HEIGHTS (or ‘how Pip discovers girls and Miss Haversham discovers Pip’) or something like that. But we have been advised by the Wakefield Doctrine Mistress of SEO,  Miz Becca to lose the elipseseses, ’cause the google be hatin it. We have total confidence in our Miz Becca and have ceased and desisteded on the funny punctuation. Unfortunately, it makes our jokey subtitle a little vague(r). Today’s case in point: * the juxtapositionof  ‘class on a Saturday’ and Richard M Nixon is a reference to presidential race in 1960, sort of. (Kennedy versus Nixon!!! The battle of the Century…come see the Cow-licked Catholic go nose to nose with the Battlin Quaker!! mafia money takes on white-bread paranoia…battle royale!!! Winner gets to send wife on an all expense-paid cruise of the Greek Isles courtesy of Onassis Tours)

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that, as kids in grade school at the time, our teachers tried to convince us kids that we should get out parents to vote the ‘right’ way. Whatever the hell they thought that meant. In my case, as a product of catholic schools (two or three Posts on that alone), it meant I had to know why Nixon should not get elected. The answer? Because he would have changed the laws and made us go to school on Saturdays! 

Sorry, off track there. Lesson of the Day? ( …why thank you! Miguel? is it? one of our autonomous exchange students?  Very good….That will be enough of that Jimmy! I think you should try to be more like Miguel and less like those rapper musicians and maybe you will get accepted to something a little more prestigous than our local Community College of River Isle…)

Today’s Lesson is courtsey of Ms. AKH and her new little friend CY. (Ms. AKH writes):

…”just got  a message from my friend CY. said she’s still reading and is
beginning to understand much more, but is still a little bit shy about
commenting. I’m sure with a little bit of gentle prodding we’ll hear
from her. She wanted to know whether or not being shy was part of being
a clark!”

Excellent question! And quite germane (…ger–main, Jimmie…I said ger–main…now you have the exchange students all nervous…please stop that and try and get along…)

Let’s start with a quick reference to the Page in the Doctrine devoted to clarks, to make things easiest I will give you a link. Go and read and then come back, the link is here. (And to be complete and sure of this, go here and take a look at the photos of actual clarks). Seeing how you are all clicking out of the Post on these field trips, when you are done with the clark Page,  go over to Jason’s site and leave a Comment, tell him we miss the Quotes of the Week and we  are waiting for the photo of his hat (on his damn head) go here.

Done reading? scott! go back and finish reading…ok, everyone on the same Page?

Before we start let’s all thank CY and Ms AKH for providing us with a starting point. (insert applause noise here) Anyway they are both right!

It is a basic premise here at the Doctrine that it is the individual who decides which of the three they are. Most of us (Progenitors and DownSprings) know the Doctrine well-enough to call it right each time, but we leave it to each of us to decide. This not only relieves the ‘pressure to understand’ but it inevitably validates the Wakefield Doctrine. A roger can call themselves a roger all day long, but eventually they will do something rogerian…a clark can work themselves up and get all aggressive, but sooner or later they will feel their heads swell up and their faces fall and realise that they just don’t have the stomach for still bleeding, freshly-killed roger…and scotts…for some unknown reason, in this culture at any rate, the female scotts mis-intreprete the whole predator-totally-in-the-here-and-now, hyper sexual characteristics and a lot of them get all self-conscious about it…then they get hungry… scotts tend to find their home the quickest of the three.

There! I hope this explains the Wakefield Doctrine to all to the new Readers. CY?, we are all confident that you will be an appreciated addition to the Wakefield Doctrine blog. We look forward to any Comments you choose to make and as we say around the Teachers’ Lounge,  “Hurry the fuck up!”

“Museek?” (…Why yes Mr Miguel it is time for that…) 

(that was for CY…for AKH we have:)

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let’s join this Post, already in progress

( …I don’t know…well, don’t look at me…I’m not looking at you…yes you are…you are me, so how the hell can I be looking at you…huh? tell me that… )

Sea Monkeys

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers) and at present the scene of intro/retro/serio-comic/limited -pectations. Or something like that. You have caught us, and by “us” we mean the entity who is writing these (particular) words, which is not the exact same thing as the entity who is writing these Posts in general and totally not to mean the person writing (or attempting to write) the whole current Wakefield Doctrine blog. (Don’t get me started on the role of influences and/or implied interactions with both known and unknown people).

In the ‘early days’ of this blog, (ha, frickin ha,  “early days”, don’t make me laugh… this frickin thing has been around all of a total of 12 or 13 months, not exactly ready for the Smithsonian, yo). And yes, I am using the term ‘frickin’ a lot, and yes I am using it as a verbal placeholder for the word ‘fuck’, and no I don’t believe that this constitutes a less than honest use of language, only fuckin glenn is so self-limiting as to think that there is no such thing as over-using an invective, or any word for that matter. (And besides, with all the work AKH and DS#1 are doing to try and get the Doctrine more Readers and in general get us more ‘mainstream, they would both be all over me for getting us classified “Adult Content” or “Pretentious and Gratuitous Use of Vulagarity” or “Why Bother?” by the google search engine.

Well, Mr. Post Writer, now that you have successfully cleared the room of any new Readers, Visitors or anyone other than the regulars who are used to your specialbrand of meandering, overly self-absorbed Post writing that fortunately shows up on an unpredictable, but mercifully rare occasion,  What it is now? 
Before we get into trying to write a Post, one of my favorite rogerian expressions, just passed us by. The source of this rogerian expression, I swear I did not make up. There was a Comment written to a real estate blog from a person claiming to be a successful broker; this writer concluded his explanation of the personality of the average agent as:  “…and in my opinion and experience, I have found most agents to be much too self-absorbent”. Really. He actually wrote those words. (New Readers? If the concept of a rogerian expression is confusing, then clearly you have not done even the most basic of reading about the Doctrine. All the information is here, in these pages. What say you just stop here and go back and read each of the pages on clarks and scotts and rogers. It is all listed in the Table of Contents. There you go, go read quietly and come back when you have a little better grasp of this thing of ours.)

Damn, lost my train of thought. lol (yeah I know that is an outdated expression, that nobody uses anymore. Well,  fuck you.)

All of this (Post) is the result of letting myself get distracted by the ‘numbers’. (These would be the numbers of Visits and/or Readers…roger). And even though all of us know that it is not about the popularity of this thing, every now and then and on some periodic basis (fuck you , glenn) we get caught up in the “why bother? mood.  We get stuck thinking, no one makes Comments, no one seems to be interested, blah, blah, self-indulgent, blah.
But then…there is this Post. Clearly we have not given up yet. (For regular Readers,you can skip ahead at least two paragraphs, you know what I am going to say…”but there are the DownSprings”….”there are the Friends of the Doctrine”…”and the fun we have”…blah…more blah…screw it. Hey new Readers!…make a Comment and buy a hat.)

Thats right, I said buy a hat (for your damn head)!  (AH HA!!  the Wakefield Doctrine Lesson of the Day!!)

It is within the Wakefield Doctrine, the fact  that clarks maintain that to give and share with others is the necessary price to pay to be allowed the modicum of the appearance of the hint of being accepted by the rogers (mostly) and the scotts of the world. By definition, it is the clarks who will give without asking (directly) for anything in return. Unfortunately (for the clarks), the rest of the world will assign to these gifts the value implied by their being freely given. Zero Cost = Zero Value.  So to apply the Wakefield Doctrine to itself, (lol) we will be allowing people to purchase genuine (accept no substitutes, don’t be fooled by cheap, un-authorized imitations) Wakefield Doctrine hats (for your damn heads) for a low, low…hey if you have to ask…price of $19.51 per hat.

Come on down. Place your orders. Buy soon and buy often. Hey! don’t forget, Christmas is just around the corner. Someday you will say to yourself, “oye, for me I could have bought a hat for such a low price!”.

yo B get us out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fu3put3QmYk

Dude anything other than scott-bait?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdwo9lC6loY

Hey, I’ll take predictable! lol

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