Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)
Friday. New month. Traditional FTSF Theme.*
This week the sentence in need of completion is:
“When I think about life’s lessons…”
…I try to remember the world around me as it was before I learned the various significant things I’ve learned; to, you know, compare the difference. Not as weird as it sounds at first. Have you ever had a visual memory of a place from the past that seems (and surely is) just the way it was when you were five-years-old and playing in the yard, or thirteen years-old going to an airport for the first time or the sight of your college campus, through the windshield of your parents car?
Then you return. You return after a time. A little time, a long time, a life time, enough time passed that you’ve had an opportunity to learn something significant, enough time to change. So how is it the place, (the people, the feelings) are different than you remember. Barring any blows to the head, (or time spent in the late sixties), your memory and the reality should be pretty much spot on. And it is. 99.999 percent of the time. Of course, this being the Wakefield Doctrine, we’re interested in the .001 percent of the time. The time that the memory and the current reality do not match.
Why should you care about that .001 percent of the time? Better to say, “Why shouldn’t I pass this seeming discrepancy off to: ‘it was a long time ago, I was only five years old’/ ‘it was a long time ago, I was only thirteen-years-old/ I had a crazy time in college?”
No reason. No reason at all.
… the most significant lesson I’ve been fortunate to have learned from life? When I change, the world around me changes, (insignificantly, totally not measurable, complete butterfly flapping its wings twice). When I change significantly in a way that has lasting effects, the world changes (significantly, noticeable but only with an effort).
Perspective, (for me), is the acknowledgement of the fact that another person might be experiencing a different reality than I am.
The Wakefield Doctrine refers to this phenomenon as ‘worldviews’ i.e. ‘the characteristic realities that, by growing up and developing in, result in having one of the three personality types. When I see a person (maybe a friend, possibly a co-worker, or, hell, a total stranger) acting in a way that is totally at odds with what I think is appropriate, I remind myself that their personal reality might be (slightly) different. And… it’s real. It is not: their misunderstanding of the true nature of the world, their refusal to accept the facts or even their determination to ignore the consequences.
I am not advocating for a complete balkanization of reality, everyone running around doing things that a reasonable person wouldn’t…wait a minute that does sound like what I’m saying.
No. All kidding aside, this not to excuse or allow, explain or condone behavior, beliefs and actions simply because the personal reality of an individual makes it excusable or allowable. What this idea of perspective does do is take the pressure and stress off me to understand. (There are those of us who, with the best of intentions, set out each day determined to understand. The problem is, we are trying to understand from the perspective of our personal reality. Allowing for a ‘different reality’ provides me with a way to avoid the thought loop that often ruins a day; “No way! I know her, she’s an intelligent woman, how could she believe that crap?” “He’s messin with our heads, no sane person in this situation would do that!”
If I can allow for other realities, and avoid this loop, I will have more of my own energy to devote to those in my life who deserve it. It’s just a matter of perspective.
About that tree fort you built when you were a kid…. 80 feet off the ground, if it was an inch, right?
This has been a Saturday edition of Finish the Sentence Friday. Hosted each week by Kristi and Kenya head over there and enjoy some insightful thoughts and caring suggestions.
* back in the day, each Friday the sun would rise partially and we, those of us near and interested would contribute to the completion… of a sentence. This was in olden days, before the internet blogosphere got weird(er). They were days of quiet reflection and thoughts and ideas that were shared among groups of like-minded, and always creative people. Hey! wanna take a trip back in time? The Doctrine’s first(ish) participation in the FTSF on February 22, 2013
About clarkscottroger
ha! You just reminded me of the fort my brother and his friends built. We thought it was glamorous but saw it again when we were in our 20’s and it was a piece of junk!
I really do get what you’re saying. And yes, the world changes and we do too. I remember going to Toronto when I was 16 and it was life changing. Absolutely life changing. Then I went back when I was 22 and it was totally different. Now it hadn’t changed, much, in those five years, but I had. So it was the feeling that was different and the atmosphere – even at my old haunts. That really tripped me up for a long time! Now I sort of embrace it.
yeah. Its (for me) that twist of the stomach when you catch a glimpse of the ‘then’ which is inconsistent with the ‘now’. Of course, it’s not about the information, it’s about the strengthening of the belief in that element of my reality. (That) there is more to the world than exists for me at the current moment.
Tough job, but if anyone can succeed at this type of undertaking, it’s a clark. God knows we’ve paid the price already (being the Outsider and therefore having a bare minimum of certainty to our realitys)
“What this idea of perspective does do is take the pressure and stress off me to understand.”
Oh, yeah. Damn straight it does lol
Excellent post this Saturday FTSF post. Nicely, succinctly written. I get it.
Thanks for participating in the hop, but I suppose the first thanks should go to Kristi and Kenya for hosting the FTSF because if they didn’t, I would be reading this post!
yeah, totally why I avoid as much of the current events of the ‘real’ world as possible. That shit gets into your head, don’t never wanna come out.
Other’s people’s perspectives is something I’ve thought A LOT about (cause haaaalo, Clark). There are times when I’m angry and forget to realize that where they’re coming from is unknown to me. Recently, I posted something about gun control on Facebook. DUH dumb. But interesting, too. A person I’ve known for more than 30 years replied a billion times and then posted his own post about “hysterical people posting about guns,” and when he said that, I kinda did an “ah-ha!” Remembered that his life is so different. Also OMG the forts. I didn’t have a table to eat at for three days because Tucker made it into a fort. He had a light down there, a bowl for snacks, and I remembered what that meant, and didn’t take it down. I just slid his meals under there, and ate at the kitchen counter. Great words and memories, you.
You are so right as much as I could think about certain things from the past, I do realize that I have certainly changed and so too have those people and places from my past, as well. So, definitely explained this beautifully and perfectly, my friend!
yeah, if funny and fun, shifting your perspective. I’m convinced that just about everything we need to learn in order to self-improve ourselves is right there in front of us, everyday.
Then you return. You return after a time. A little time, a long time, a life time, enough time passed that you’ve had an opportunity to learn something significant, enough time to change. So how is it the place, (the people, the feelings) are different than you remember. Barring any blows to the head, (or time spent in the late sixties), your memory and the reality should be pretty much spot on. And it is. 99.999 percent of the time. Of course, this being the Wakefield Doctrine, we’re interested in the .001 percent of the time. The time that the memory and the current reality do not match.
I love the rhythm and flow of this part Clark.
I am glad you write so well about understanding how we all come at life from different places. Not everyone understands that.
This post and what you say in it is exactly why I love travel, travel and time travel, something of the same in my mind, especially when we get to return to a place. It’s true for any place, I suppose, which is why I like it because it extends the meaning of travel to something much bigger. Off to check out the very first FTSF you include here, as I was not a member of this blogging world at that time.
This post took me to all kinds of places. But in your closing I think about all the places I lived and/or visited in my childhood how they look so “small” now. The same can be applied to people who you haven’t seen in forever and they have grown up at all etc etc. And how you meet someone and you’d assume that we are all on the same page after all the terrible things that have happened and we aren’t – they are still for what you are still opposed to. We all have different perspectives.
Side note: I saw Niagara Falls when I was 11 years old. I’m going to see it again this summer. I hope it is still as massive and awesome as it is in my memory. LOL!
That is (going back and trying to see it as the memory would have it versus how it is now) is a tricky thing, if possible, try and ‘sneak up’ on it! lol… no, seriously! avoid feeling like an adult (if possible) and maybe you can catch a glimpse of the Niagara Falls that existed, at least until reality makes it’s necessary adjustments.
This is so true: “The problem is, we are trying to understand from the perspective of our personal reality.” It fascinates me how my sister and I, growing up in the same household, have some memories that are so different. Our childhoods were most like each other’s, yet not at all alike in so many ways.
My house always looks strange to me when I walk in for the first time after being away. It’s almost like I remember it being different. Probably messier.;)
It’s those moments of discrepancy that I believe the secret hides… and, more specifically, it’s that odd, reaction to the uncanny that is the proof of a thing that, by definition we cannot know, at least not directly.
fun stuff, non?