Six Sentence Noir -the Wakefield Doctrine-

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

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Here we are again! Wednesday and we’re preparing to participate in zoe’s most excellent bloghop, the Six Sentence Story. (Damn, if I’d of perceived my schoolwork anywhere close to the way I’m currently chasing skills at this writing thing, who knows where I’d be today!) oh well, better late than never, ya know?

In any event, what we gots here is a bloghop that invites all to write (and post through the link thing at z’s blog) a story of six and only six sentences. And, this is the important part, (the) story must utilize the prompt word. Each week we are provided a new prompt word, the grain of sand, destined to become a pearl.

This week the word is ‘Well’.

(Note this week we will rejoin our as-yet unidentified detective as he meets his client in, ‘The Mystery of the Lost Starr’. If you want to follow along, here is Chapter 1) (oh, yeah… if you want some background music for your read, here’s some Miles)

Looking as out-of-place as a Persian cat at a dry cleaners, the woman gave my office a once-over that confirmed that she didn’t get down to this part of town all that much and pulled her raincoat tight around her body, making sure nothing accidentally touched her, while guaranteeing that my attention didn’t wander.

I thought about standing up, but since I had no plans to offer her my chair, I cleared the files off the top of my desk; without the yellow-lined pads and 8×11 photos from a recent case, a once-dark square of wood showed opposite the leather upholstered chair in front of my desk; I nodded, she glanced at the door, held her handbag in front of her like a medieval breastplate and sat down.

“I have a problem and I need your help,” now that the pool of light on my desk worked up the nerve to touch the sleeve that rested on the arm of the chair, I noticed she wore a blonde wig, as effective a disguise as a seven-year-old boy’s Zorro mask; the hair was cheap, the makeup professional and her watch cost more than my last divorce. She stared at me with the look of the man forced to sit in a doctor’s office and wait for the results of a paternity test, resigned but angry at the wrong person, on this rainy Thursday morning it looked like she thought that should be me.

“I’m a licensed PI, I have half a law degree, a black belt and when I’m not having lunch standing at the strip club down the street, I wonder if I’ve made the best career choices, that said, it’s 1:30 in the morning; so you might as well spill it, and since my per diem is determined by my clients FICO score, I’ll spot you 15 minutes, off the clock.”

“I want you to find my sister, Starr,” every neurolinguistic telltale started going off as soon as she said the word, ‘want’ and, by the time she finished, pronouncing ‘sister’ with the ‘S’ in jealousy, I decided I needed to get in the habit of locking my door after nine pm.

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clarkscottroger About clarkscottroger
Well, what exactly do you want to know? Whether I am a clark or a scott or roger? If you have to ask, then you need to keep reading the Posts for two reasons: a)to get a clear enough understanding to be able to make the determination of which type I am and 2) to realize that by definition I am all three.* *which is true for you as well, all three...but mostly one

Comments

  1. Moon says:

    Wonderful, as always. 🙂

  2. Lol. Very cool. I dig this story already. I can for sure feel the noir, the scene is well set, like the imagery.
    I never read any Raymond Chandler books so can someone tell me, if his stories are along the same lines? I’m thinking so.

  3. UP says:

    Great story . But then we expect nothing less!

    • clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:

      Thanks, man this one is proving to be a fun one*

      * in that tear out your hair, give up entirely, stumble upon a set of words out of nowhere and decide, ‘what the hell, ‘publish’ way that recreational writing is for most of us

  4. Definitely love the film noir stuff. Well set.
    Ray Chandler – read a bunch of his stuff in college. I recall that I liked him and so I’ll be digging out those texts from the bookshelf in a few minutes…

  5. RCoyne RCoyne says:

    Well done again. Leaves the reader anticipating the next bit. Great sense of forward momentum. It’s snarky and succinct. Like any old Police song….( Roxanne…)

    • clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:

      thanks, interesting process, this writing thing…so many ways for things to not work out and then, a little clump of words shows up out of nowhere and it’s ‘ok I can see Robert Mitchum in that part’

      (surprisingly difficult to write out of predominant worldview!)

  6. mimi says:

    Anybody who shows up after 9pm can’t be good news.

  7. Deborah Lee says:

    “Her watch cost more than my last divorce…” Awesome noir wordsmithing.

  8. It is obvious that you had fun! I heard Garrison Keiler’s Guy Noir voice as I read it, which was also fun..

  9. Well, it’s 9.34 here so I guess there’s no point in saying anything more. Nice one!

    Click to visit Keith’s Ramblings

  10. Very, very intriguing beginnings to this tale, Clark!! You really have a talent for painting a picture of the unspoken thoughts and feelings. I am ready for the next page!

    • clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:

      this (the story of the detective and the client) is appearing to offer an opportunity to seriously have at writing a First Person detective story. Surprisingly (or not) difficult)… like the ‘feel’ of the whole noir, grimy city at night thing. Thank god I included a reference to a strip club, at least I’ve provide a setting for any daytime activities lol

  11. Pat B says:

    I also thought of Garrison Keiler’s Guy Noir while reading your six. You have included some great lines. I especially enjoyed reading the manner in how she holds her purse. It is strange to see cats in some places of businesses where one would not expect to see them.

    • clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:

      that (‘how she held her purse’) is the whole challenge for me, to learn to write ‘show’ as well as ‘tell’… one of the surprisingly difficult thing for me (or maybe not so surprising) is describing what the women characters are wearing… man! you people have a lot of different items of clothing and accessories to wear/carry! lol (thank god for google, no?)

  12. OMG so good. The breastplate, the locking the door earlier. You rock.

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  1. […] installments in ‘The Mystery of the Missing Starr’ is here and then here (the second ‘here’ brings you back to […]

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