Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

We used to think a post was a little on the long side when it hit five hundred words. (Full Disclosure: the accompanying emotion was one of cautious pride. A fricken book report in a single sitting. Where was this Doctrine when I was in high school?*) We’ve kinda moved on and, then, of late, back to the ‘soul of wit’ thing.

We hope.

Anyway.

So how about a couple of short (but complete) posts?

(From 05/91/2012)

So we have Mel and Nell, DS and ‘KH, Claire and even Molly (from the big square State in the middle of the Continent), stylin’ in theys Wakefield Doctrine Tee shirts! What controversy can that create? Why would not their lives be happy, serene and satisfying?

I’ll tell you why, dammit! When our Friends and DownSprings finish dressing their bodies, they will go out into the world at large where they will encounter people, who, though full of admiration and maybe a little envy, will say, “Heyyy! nice Tee Shirt! What the hell is a Wakefield Doctrine?”  or maybe they will glance at the front of our friends and say without embarrassment, “I appreciate the color and the fit, but you must tell me about the ‘theory of clarks, scotts and rogers‘!”

What is the best way to answer these interrogatives?

1. Say, ” I’m so happy you asked!” (if your gender is female): follow this statement with a clap of hands, (an) offer to hug or whatever else is appropriate; (if your gender is male): then offer ‘High 5″, knuckle bump or simply glare at them challengingly
2. Walk away, with as many hands as are available over your ears while singing, “La La La La…I think I can’t hear you now…La La La La!”
3. Smile and say, “clarks think, scotts act and rogers feel! Do you need any more information than that, scott/roger?”
4. Look at their faces, if they immediately smile (in a non-threatening manner) but look around to see who else heard them, they are a roger, if they immediately smile and say nothing, then you got a scott…don’t worry about clarks, they will have someone else ask
5. Put your hands over your ears, open your mouth and scream soundlessly.
6. Ask the person if they feel that they have the quality of flexible intelligence and, no matter what they answer, smile and start, “Well, in the early 1980’s clark was visiting scott at work…“
7. Say to them, “the Wakefield Doctrine is a productive and unique and totally fun tool for understanding the people in your life. You do have people in your life, don’t you?”
8. Say, ” Why thank you! I love my shirt but would rather not discuss the Wakefield Doctrine. You will respect my wishes, won’t you?”
9. (If you feel that this person is a scott), then look them in the eye and say, “You would not believe what this stands for!! People kinda get upset when I tell…maybe I should just leave it be,  you would only get upset!”
10. (If you feel the person is a roger) then look around a few times and lean in towards them and say, “I’m not supposed to talk about it! It’s kind of a secret club kinda thing…ya know?…everyone would get mad at me…I hope you don’t mind”
11. Ask the person to please repeat the question and when they have done so, say “That’s what I thought you said” and walk away.
12. Start running
13. Ask them to repeat the question. (If they do) tell them that the Wakefield Doctrine has a blog site (point to your back) and that if they really want to know about it, they need to visit the site and leave a Comment.
14. (Optional Response: Look at them and say, “I have been empowered to reveal that information only to people who meet the criteria. In your case…”)

*

(From even earlier, 03/28/2011)

So what is the Wakefield Doctrine’s position on euthanasia?

Alright, alright! Stop the clamoring and vague threats, the Wakefield Doctrine does not have an Official, Comprehensive position on the matter of euthanasia, what part of  “the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers” did not convey the idea that we are talking about three distinct personality types and therefore three different views on any given subject.

Since you are here, we might as well take a moment and present the three views on aging:

	clarks	scotts	rogers
What do you think of Old People	They are interesting-Have lots to share	Eww	Well, they seem to like to sit for long periods of Time listening to me
What will you be like as an Old Person?	…err see me now?That, with less hair	Old? Over my dead body	Well, I think that I will enjoy being taken care in one of those homes
Should Old People be treated Special?	Sure, why not?	Yeah, lets make them do tricks for us on TV	…as long as it does not detract from the attention the nurses pay to me
Euthanasia?	Sure, if they want to	Only if it is a game show…’Last Senior Standing’ or something	Sure, but do it at night when no one will complain about the hooting

So, there is no real consensus on what to do with people when they get old and annoying (or maybe just annoying). But the Doctrine will take the position that old people will show the characteristics of their individual types very clearly.

• clarks will age the least, ’cause they have been old from the start
• scotts will appear to slow down the least, until they fall over dead
• rogers will get even crankier, even though most laws of physics say that is not even possible
• clarks who by definition have missed the whole point of Life, will get increasingly active as they age
• scotts will not notice the physical effects of aging when it starts, the psychological effects they have never noticed
• rogers will sit more, but they will be the most compliant guests in the home, until they stop getting visitors

 

* that’s kind of a good question. it wasn’t anywhere, the amount of life experience was far too insufficient to enable the perspective necessary to appreciate the principles

Ear worm for those of a certain age: