relationships | the Wakefield Doctrine - Part 76 relationships | the Wakefield Doctrine - Part 76

TToT…only! -the Wakefield Doctrine- funny how relative things are, non?

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

20150501_181727_resized

 

…nice to be back! (not that I was away, but I was doing the ‘Apple and Ostriches’ April Blog Challenge for the last month, and having a Saturday Letter Post to write, which I attempted to combine with the TToT, the weekend, blog-writingistically-speaking wasn’t the same. Hence today’s sub-title, a reflection upon the perception that, now that the blogchallenge is over, the writing of my TToT seems so…. easy going. I distinctly recall many a Saturday morning feeling under pressure to get the Post out before Saturday’s demands became overwhelming. Like writer’s block, I suspect that the (experience) of being under a deadline and feeling stress and pressure, these are feelings surely come from within more than without?)

Speaking of ‘relaxed on the edge of serenity’, Una starts us off at Item Number:

1) Una and the return of the ‘5 to 10 mph Friday evening walks’! The days are longer and I’m able to get home from work before dark, at least on Fridays, for our ‘walk’.

2) Speaking of Una (and being grateful for technology) I think I’ve already told the story of how we ‘found’ Una at a breeder located in the Czech Republic and negotiated the entire process using Google Translate. This is, in part, prompted by a Post from this week past that employed examples of online translations. In any event, here’s the story: after Bella died it eventually became obvious (again) that we were meant to be pack of 3.  And even though we both have work that demands more time away from home than the average for, say a 1960s family. (ed. note: I will state, for the record, that when I was growing up, we ate dinner at 6:00 pm most weekday evenings! No! Really! It’s the truth and not, I’m fairly certain, the late 1960s talking.) In any event, the time came when Phylllis and I knew we had to find our missing pack member. Now, we’ve always had German Shepherds and they are not a small dog. Phyllis, practical roger that she is, suggested that maybe we should consider a smaller breed. (At the time in life when Ola or Bella got sick, they both required being lifted to go for doctor visits and such, that was what Phyllis had in mind.) Much to my dismay, I found myself agreeing,   so off to the internet I went and I stumbled across the breed  ‘Chodsky Pes’. Bred, at that time, only in the Czech Republic, we negotiated by email, arranged a courier and the rest is history.   (hey! I went looking for some source materials about the breed and searched: ‘chodsky pes breeders‘  and I showed up! (well ‘Una-pictures-that-I-took,  and a couple of the Hubs I wrote at the time…. that’s ….er  cool?)

3) hey! I remembered my password to the Hubpages and look what I found! (her first trip to the beach)

4) …feeling a little hypograteful for the weather. (Yeah, that sub-title again!! how little time has passed since we were freezing in the Winter-that-would-not-End, and now it’s not warm enough! That being said, what’s interesting, at least here in the Northeast, is that the weather is almost exactly 30 days late! March in April. But the days are long and it’s light out at 7:30 pm

5) Day Light Savings time!  easy one there!

6) I am grateful for my co-Challengers! Christine and Z and Kristi and Dyanne and Valerina  and Michelle…. while I’ve never been overly associated with teams, team spirit, team sports, teeming masses, steam rooms or team membership, I will extend my sincere thanks and gratitude to these people for the support and inspiration and such.

7) And, of course, Our Ms. Rogers and her 10 co-hostinae for keeping the home fires (metaphorically) burning… here in TToT-ville. My experience with the gigantic bloghop last month made me appreciate more than ever the sense of home here… the familiarity and camaraderie (stop me if I get too mushy), but having gone and visited the big city, I now know that I prefer this size of community.

8) them Virgins! gots to love yourself some Guard Virgins

9) glad to see many (or a few) new participants here… that’s what makes this such a lot of fun, and a (another metaphor) dude ranch for my scottian aspect

10) 1.3 y’all  New Readers? 1.3 is a much used citation from one of the coolest features of this here bloghop here, namely, the Book of Secret Rules (aka the Secret Book of Rules) While whole Posts can and have been written on this topic… the BoSR/SBoR is what makes us a bloghop that stands out among thousands of bloghops… it’s what would make us king of the the… ‘pile-of-laundry,-in-front-of-the-washer,-in-a-roughly-pyramidal-shape…kinda-sorted-out-but,-growing-larger-with-the-passing-by-of- each-family-member’.  ya know?

 

Ten Things of Thankful

 

 Your hosts

Join the Ten Things of Thankful Facebook Group


Share

Z -the Wakefield Doctrine- and, in the end, Z

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

CSR copyZ

thank you for your participation in our little ‘Bloghop-that-only-a-roger-would-have-come-up-with’ April Blog Challenge!   I’m grateful for all of the Comments and rendering that you, the un-seen, implied Readers have contributed to this effort to write our way through the alphabet.

The theme we adopted for our participation in the  ‘A-to-Z April Blog Challenge’, was, of course, ‘the Wakefield Doctrine‘. While not always staying true to this perspective… hold on a second… I just went and checked, and damn! despite how outré the title of some of the Posts may have been, I always seemed to come back to our favorite Doctrine! (Much like the Monks of New Skete, who loop the leads from the puppies, to their belts and go about their daily routines, for me, there is always a connection to the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers). While the Wakefield Doctrine is truly a fun amusement, to be enjoyed among friends, (“…and then he said, “I had such a strange experience this morning! I was saying goodbye to a client and they spent 30 minutes telling me about how I am the best agent they have ever met.” …what a roger!  oh yeah?  well!! let me tell you about the most scottian client I ever had, ‘one time we arranged to have me call at a certain time, so we could discuss an offer and the phone rang and rang, finally when I was about to hang up, she answered and said, “oh! thanks for holding on, I just stepped out of the shower!”) Of course, the Wakefield Doctrine is not just something to enhance our people-watching,  it’s also a tool. It’s a peculiarly effective perspective on the world, and, can always be applied:

…about to meet with a scott in a situation that has the potential to become adversarial?  Increase your eye contact and decrease the length of your statements. Louder and shorter!

…the girl at the cash register have a lot of metal and colour applied to her face and head area? Think she’s attractive? Want to say something to get her attention? Look to her right and speak to the left… it’s ok! she’ll laugh, she’s a clark and laughing for them is a very telling response.

…have a parent Teacher conference and you know that your child has been underachieving? Begin your conversation with talking about how difficult and challenging the teaching profession is, how difficult it must be because all the children don’t always listen and how the parents (of these children) can be even worse!

Sure, you’re thinking, ‘How am I supposed to know if these people are clarks or scotts or rogers?? hell, I’m not even sure which of these I am!’ And that is the part (of our little personality theory) that is not only fun, but beneficial  if applied to ourselves… the Wakefield Doctrine can be a very useful tool to improve ourselves. Sure, some of us have difficulty, at first, deciding which of the three personality types applies to ourselves. Simpler than you might think. All you need to do is answer this question:

‘How do I relate myself to the world around me? Do I (relate myself) to the world’ as would:

  • an Outsider? a clark wakes up to a wonderful and mysterious and full-of-potential world that is ‘out there’clarks know that they’re different and yet, hope to get through the day without un-invited scrutiny. a clark, endlessly curious, is searching for the knowledge that will allow them to become a real person
  • a Predator? not a simple as you might think, (to identify with the world as do scotts)… now, if you’re thinking, ‘oh hell yeah! I’m one of those because I can size up the person real quick and can get people on my side and really am able to talk up a storm!’ …sorry, the rogerian bullet point is the next one down… scotts don’t ‘take measure’, they don’t,  ‘size up the other guy‘ and they certainly do not,  ‘talk them into being on her side‘  …scotts act  (granted, at times, ill-advisedly, impulsively and/or in-appropriately), the simplest fact-of-life is that scotts live in a reality in which acting first and thinking second is the only way to survive and thrive.
  • a Member of the Herd?  simplest ‘test’ for a person you suspect might be a roger:  “Excuse, me… can you tell me, what’s 2 + 2 ?”  (roger) “Well, that’s kind of a dumb questions you’re asking, isn’t it? It’s 4. Do you have any other questions that make you look ridiculous?”  (In contrast to this question being posed to ‘the other two’:  “Excuse me, clark? what’s 2 + 2?”  (clark) “4! …most of the time, unless you mean….”  or “Hey! scott! what’s 2 + 2?” (scott)  “Who wants to know?!?!! Whats in it for me?  hey, I’ve always thought mathematics was kinda sexy….”)

If you’re the type of person who enjoys ideas and imagining different ways to see the world, then the Wakefield Doctrine is something you will not only enjoy learning about, but will find useful in the most mundane of ways, the most common of situations. Give it a try!

 

Lets have a subtitle-musical-tie-in

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Share

UW! -the Wakefield Doctrine- ‘I knew that!! I did!!, it’s just that… ‘

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

U

…yeah, I get it! W comes after V not U...

…yeah, I get it! W comes after V not U…

“…the Wakefield Doctrine is a unique, useful and fun way to better understand the behavior of the people in your life. With the Wakefield Doctrine, as an added perspective, you need never again hear yourself lament, “Why on earth would they say such a thing? I really thought I knew them better than that!” The Wakefield Doctrine is a way to know more about the other person than they know about themselves and, …and! it’s fun!”

That’s pretty much where we started… at least in then context of this, an actual blog. The theory of clarks, scotts and rogers, predates this blog by, say, 30 years, but this Post is about U, not History. (ha ha… a little ‘Anyone-else-tired-of-this-worn-ass Premise April bloghop Challenge’ humor?)

so, seeing how this is all about the letter ‘U’  W and, who among us doesn’t first think, ‘un’, it’s only appropriate that we provide you with some examples of which of the ‘un-words’ are associated with the three worldviews, aka personality types, of the Wakefield Doctrine. (yeah, but we’re obviously going to talk about the Wakefield Doctrine!!  and since when did we ever feel it to be a bad thing that we’re not on the same page with the rest of the class?!?  ….ayiee my rogerian aspect is surely exerting it’s group-based self!)

un-compromising: rogers (who’s surprised?)
un-usual: …. if I have to type this one, you really need to go and read the About page
un-relenting: gimme a ‘S’!!!!  gimme a ‘C’…. “hey! gimme back my pom-poms”
un-suspecting: clarks (yeah, I know! you’d think with all that thinking going on, they should be so easy to catch napping…)
un… hey! most of the ‘uns’ are associated with clarks!  what the hell is going on here?! Are we not imaginative and creative and kind (to a fault) and easy going (to a fault) and adaptable (to a….)  ok, ok…maybe we need to approach this from the other direction, what are clarks?  un-real* Now before anyone feels the urge to re-assure and/or state that we clarks are surely quite real, let me say, ‘not that it’s a bad thing! being ‘not a real person’. By not being real, clarks have the freedom to be anything, have anything, imagine anything…in our heads. And, when you get right down to it, is that not where we all start?  wait… lets try the reverse perspective:

  • scotts live in and of the here and now (not to say that individuals can’t experience the anxiety of the future or regrets of the past, that’s what secondary aspects are for!) but, the worldview of a scott is ‘here and now’… the mother lion sitting under the acacia tree, with her cubs playing in the shade, seeing the appearance of some hyenas is not, I guarantee you, thinking, ‘well, maybe this pack is simply curious and wandering about the savannah.’ No. She is not thinking. She is not worried. She is simply …ready
  • rogers live in and of the past (not that individuals can’t laugh at a surprise or be totally spontaneous, that’s what tertiary aspects are for!) but, the worldview of a roger is ‘then and forever’… the roger in the midst of his herd (and a herd need not manifest as multiple of similar people, the key concept of the Herd is ‘like qualities’), and wonders how best to act, how he can exemplify the Right Way to live, even if it is as simple a thing as crossing the street. the wildebeest in the middle of the herd does not worry about being able to swim, (as the herd is being forced to cross the river to escape the predators), he is only concerned with being s member of ‘the Herd of Swimming wildebeests’!
  • clarks…. well, we kinda know about clarks… they live in the future, the ‘un-world’ if ever there was one. (which is not to say that a clark can’t be aggressive and win the girl or engaged in service and be honored as the leading member of her ward, that’s what secondary and tertiary aspects are for!) but, the worldview of a clark is that of the Outsider and there is no time more Outside than the future. In the future there is hope and possibility, in the future there is opportunity (to learn) and chances (to act)… the lemur sits in the underbrush (it might serve our metaphor better to switch to early mammalians watching dinosaurs fight it out) and watches and dreams of a time when the way is clear and obvious and fear no longer is the prerequisite condition of his/her decisions on how to live life.

the Wakefield Doctrine maintains that each us grew up and developed our ‘personality’ in the context of one of three worldviews (personal realities). Those of us who woke one morning, at the age of 3 or so, and experienced the world as one of predator and prey, quickly adapted and grew up as scotts; those people who knew that they were ‘a part of’ the world that they found themselves in, well before pre-school, settled in to practicing the way of the Herd Member, knowing that the world was quantifiable and knowable and (it) only asked that they made every effort to act the Right Way…they are rogers; and then there are those who woke up… maybe a little late, (for dreams can be so inviting), and could hear their family downstairs, already un-wrapping the presents and… even as the so-very-critical instant evaporated, thought of his/her family as ‘them’… started on a very long path, searching for the knowledge that erased that little, tiny distinction, the apartness. The world became forever full of interesting things and yet was missing that one fact… clarks search as Outsiders

the Wakefield Doctrine is not the answer, it’s not even a (proper) question. the Wakefield Doctrine is a perspective. The Wakefield Doctrine charges us to use it to see the world as the other person is experiencing it. That we look around us and understand that, to a certain, but very real extent, reality is personal. The Wakefield Doctrine offers a tool that might allow us to understand how the people in our lives are relating themselves to the world around them. And by understanding this, better understand ourselves.

(…why, yes, you might say this has been a typical Post from the Wakefield Doctrine… but then, it’s not for everyone, is it? (thanks to all of you that do ‘get it’…. not that ‘it’s’ anything overly special, but ‘it’ does insist on a certain lively and confident imagination and a sense of fun with reality, in order to be properly used and enjoyed.)

Share

Q -the Wakefield Doctrine- ‘Quixotic’

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

Q

(…no giggling or laughing, please! Elbows to your neighbor’s ribs are permissible, provided silence is maintained.)

hey, what the hell! The one thing that clarks do better than ‘the other two’  is laugh at themselves, at least when in the company of friends.1  Here’s the thing, is the story of don Quixote, (  ‘El Ingenioso Hidalgo Don Quijote de la Mancha’ ), one of a clark missing out on the genuine (and real) pleasures of life because he/she refuses to give up the dreams/the life inside her/his head, or is this about a clark choosing ‘la excéntrica vida‘, due to the defining characteristic of their worldview (i.e. being the Outsider), hoping only to make it to a point (in life) where (the) dreams no longer clash with the ordinary everyday demands of ‘real life’.

in other words:

  • is don Quixote wasting his life, squandering the opportunity to engage with the people in his actual, real life.
  • does don Quixote have a viable approach to life, after all….. despite the fantasy he is indulging, despite the fact that she is the object of pity and scorn, his life is un-folding consistent with the dream that he/she prefers to the limitations and loneliness of a ‘real life’ as the Outsider

Because there are so many people reading and shouting at their computer screens/smartphones, “hey!! wait!! you know what I !!??!”  (and to give zoe a chance to wipe the coffee off her computer monitor), we will assign the initial response categories.2

lets begin our view from ‘the other two’, with the rogers. If I may be so bold, Kristi?  would you be kind enough to comment first? (Michelle is literally on the other side of the world, where it’s 3 am or something… I’m sure she’ join us with the view rogerian when she gets up.)

thank you

 

to our scottian Readers….  if there are any scottian Readers, other than Christine or Dyanne, that we are not aware of….  (wait!!  wait… yeah, I know…when you stop laughing  lol …ok ok  sorry, I guess I was distracted)…

… and, since how difficult* is it for these guys to address the subject, we will now hear from our clarks.

 

to get all Cliff Notes on any New Readers and/or blog challenge tourists: our ‘hero’ is a clark and the sidekick, a scott…. there! no suspense!

 

 

 

 

 

 

1)  friends: real people who, for reason not clear (to the clark) seem to not mind hanging around with them and, for the most part do not seem to be mean** or make fun of***

** not counting the ‘lashing out’ of the rogerian friend… fortunately, (for the roger), clarks have way too little self-respect when it comes to lashing out and will, for the most part. laugh it off

*** not counting when a dominant scott is encountered, in which case, the scottian friend may need to make a gesture appropriate to their own ranking and offer up the clark for amusement purposes

2)  does anyone, (other than New Readers), need reminding that, because of the Wakefield Doctrine, we already know the… tenor, if not the content of the comments of people of the scottian and rogerian and,  …and! clarklike worldviews

Share

M -the Wakefield Doctrine- ‘Manifest’ (or maybe ‘monkeyshines’…. haven’t quite made up my mind)

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)

M

Not that there’s anything wrong with using every letter of our world-famous alphabet to suggest a word that will, in turn, form the basis of an insight into our little personality theory. That being said, sometimes, you know…. you just need to kick back and not be so sensible.

But, first, lets deal with the word of the day, ‘Manifest’.

In the context of the Doctrine, manifest is a verb. Example: “I love watching a parade, how do parades manifest in your worldview?” (said no clark…ever!) We all know that, in the three worldviews, the world is different.

  • scotts wake up to a jungle (metaphorical perhaps, but still not a reality that you can get through the day without paying attention), where there are other predators and a whole world full of prey, and every moment is a moment of action and life, all the while, tending to needs of your pack.
  • rogers: they clearest example of the nature ‘manifest(ing)’… that parade we mentioned? in the reality of the Herd Member a parade is not just a bunch of orderly, yet noisy people walking in rows down the street! hell no! in the everyday life of the Herd Member, a parade is a celebration of the essentially divine nature of man… the potential to rise above the common everyday meandering through the prairie looking for food and hiding from predators. It, (the parade), is a combination of: heavenly choir and boudoir murmurs  for the roger it is the soul of Man on display ….with trumpets and tubas!
  • clarks you know, you’d think…hell! shit must be manifesting every which way for these guys! what with being on the outside-looking-in, surely clarks are in the best position to appreciate how reality can be different for different people. Well,  yes and no.  (lol…. and that, new Readers is the quintessential humor and ultimate tragedy inherent in the personal worldview of clarks!)

The real ‘purpose’ of this word, this ‘to Manifest’, really is to remind us that whatever thing we may be confronting or otherwise dealing with at any given moment in our lives very well be a totally different and (possibly) fiendishly complicated thing to the other person… if you really want to understand the other person, the people in your life, your children, your spouse, yourself…. remember that, the very thing, idea, rationalization, action without thought, impulse or desire that you’re convinced that the other person needs to accept/understand/agree-with-you-on/laugh at/fight against might actually exist as something totally different for them. The Wakefield Doctrine’s primary use and value lies in helping us to know the other person’s worldview and, by doing that,  you stand a very good chance of seeing the world as the other person is experiencing it.

I thought we had time for some silly fun… but, no, we do not!

tell you what!  if I think of something fun and/or silly I’ll come back later and edit this here Post here.

Share