…Are we rubbing off on you?” the Wakefield Doctrine it’s TToT (slight return)

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)


yeah, I was serious about today’s Post.  being expressed in situ  throughout the Posts of the hosts. deal.


1)  a damn ‘First Comment’ is all… predicated on SR6.0

2)  of  words that rhyme and always last in alphabetical order

3)  …when pigs fly, yo.   well, not literally but then again…

4)   …ist es schon, wie die Mitte des Nachmittags … happy Nikolaustag!

5)  from there (in Item 4 ) it’s quicker to keep heading West

6) …’say the Joker to the thief’… no, I see no logical connection ‘tween this lyric and our friend-in-the-west’s blog  just sounds good

7)  hey, she hadn’t Posted anything yet this weekend, what else could I do?  here read this


10)  hey, you know how much we like our scotts… I thought seeing how she (along with our ‘Missus Christine’) is very responsible for today’s …odd TToT Post



hey, you’re all people with an interest in the human experience. As a clark seeking to use the principles of the Wakefield Doctrine to become more: (fill in good qualities) and to stop doing so much: (fill in bad qualities and habits and weaknesses and such), I had an experience yesterday that I would like to share.*

…so I got a call from Denise ( www.girlieontheedge1.wordpress.com ) late yesterday and she told me that her dog Zoey just died. Denise made an unsuccessful attempt to calmly relate the circumstances to me on the phone.  (Certain backstory is critical here: Denise recently moved to Virginia to accept a position from a firm that she was associated with over 10 years ago. the important element in this is that this required that she make the move alone…leaving family (including Zoey) back in FLA, at least initially. The act of Will that she demonstrated to actually pull this off, very simply  leaves me in awe.)

Most of us have lost a pet. Some of us have lost a ‘4 legged family member’. We know the feeling. For me, there was an immediate echo to Ola’s death years ago. What struck me during our 30 minute conversation was that, even though I am a clark and as a people, we are very good in a ‘oh?-you-were-there-when-so-and-so-died?-I-didn’t-see-you’ way… in this particular life situation,  was how my mind pulled up the TToT  and thinking, ‘how the hell do you find something to be grateful for when this week is over?’ At the same time, (in that over-lapping way that the mind has at times of duress), I heard myself say to Denise, “you were there in Virginia and not back in Florida with Zoe and Zoe was waiting for you to return“. This seemed to make her feel worse, but I continued, “…but not the way a human would wait. When Phyllis here at home had to travel a few years ago, Bella sat at the window and watched and waited. I know that Bella’s  ‘mood’ was not the (human) ‘where is she? why did she leave me’  it was much more the ‘I will sit and watch and wait’, …satisfied at being able to do her job in the family, nothing more and nothing less.”

I would like to think that helped. But whether it was the perfect thing to say or not, whether it made her feel less terrible or not,  doesn’t really matter, that I was sharing something that I felt with Denise does. They say that we ‘learn by doing’ and while the Wakefield Doctrine provides me with a certain framework for my efforts to improve, it really comes to ‘doing’  and ‘acting in the real world’. That is where change takes hold. I am grateful to you Readers and my co-hostinae for that opportunity.



Ten Things of Thankful


 Your hosts



*in the interest of full disclosure, most of  my mind is screaming, ‘you are not going to do that! it’s none of their business, it’s a total bring down, it’s Denise’s tale of Power not yours and 2) this is not a Dear-frickin-Diary blog


clarkscottroger About clarkscottroger
Well, what exactly do you want to know? Whether I am a clark or a scott or roger? If you have to ask, then you need to keep reading the Posts for two reasons: a)to get a clear enough understanding to be able to make the determination of which type I am and 2) to realize that by definition I am all three.* *which is true for you as well, all three...but mostly one


  1. zoe says:

    first on sunday…not the same….

  2. zoe says:

    OH what a heartbreak for Denise! I am so sad for her! Makes me think back of course to our loss earlier this year of Zeb… I felt terrible because we weren’t here… my partner was gone and I was at work. I felt like he died alone. But I also realized what you said of dogs if very true. Also what a gift to die naturally where he lived outdoors and content. He had lay down in his house and died I suspect shortly before I got home.

    • clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:


      yeah. it’s amazing how …huge something like that can be. but it seems, in a cynical way, the more joy and goodness, the higher the price to be paid…and to divert from the cynical inference of that, I would still make that assertion the amount that (our dogs) add to our lives is the size of the hole left when they die… nature abhors a vacuum but I would submit that nature is a roger… ‘you had something, the source is gone and no matter what you will feel loss.

  3. zoe says:

    No wonder I often think Fate is such a P****… just kidding, Roger! Sometimes I just don’t know when to shutup! Carl J be damned!

  4. Loosing a pet is the hardest thing in the world, what stands out as important in your story is that you were there. You made yourself available when she called, listened, and expressed supportive thoughts. It isn’t so much what one says (at times like that nothing brings real comfort, we have to work thru the grief), but rather that one cares enough to share the sorrow. Real friends are there for each other and she obviously knew that she could call you. Sounds like a blessing for both of you on a very hard day. That is something to be very thankful for!

    • zoe says:

      Josie Is always so eloquent…oh for a modicum of such … what a gracious lovely person.

      That said I came back because I forgot a vital piece of my post… an addendum at the end for you…oh yeah, I recovered the computer…I can comment again… poor you!

      • clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:


        yeah, know whatcha mean

        I will get over to re-ri and take a look

        • clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:

          hey! zoe!! my total respect and admiration for your skillful linkage!

          now how the hell do I get back to re-re…I know there was a door here somewhere…I just stepped through it to get here….what the hell!


          • zoe says:

            no worries. I just saw your disclaimer at the end of your post and I’m sure you realize by now you have nothing to worry about with that no one’s going to mistake you for dear diary and no one wants the thunder of a death. I just came back to see what you did with the list because I’m pretty much in Slug mode today and when I signed in there was only one on it. I have to say I don’t understand most of it. Sorry… is it rude to ask you to explain?

            • clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:


              no it is not (and I won’t count it against you) lol

              the list, if you mean today’s Doctrine contribution is my items spread out among the blogs of all the hosts.. in the Comments section. so Grat List Item #2 should be found in a Comment at re-writ of course, in the interest of layering the layers, I only give clues to which blog is associated with which item… eliminating any chance of useful information! lol

    • clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:


      yeah… and that’s what I have come to realize my benefit is out of this bloghop-that-Lizzi-built having people who can point to things (things I think I know, but am not practiced in and say, ‘yes, clark that’s how we do that. very good’)

  5. Oh, I’m so sad for Denise! Her sweet heart did not need this challenge. Thanks for letting us know. Don’t know if anyone made it to the actual call-in last night,but I was celebrating a friend’s birthday. Perhaps next week. :)
    I must go over to Denise’s and give her a massive hug. xo

    • clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:


      agree, but she is doing such a job with the situation (yeah, I’m big on watching clarks as they encounter difficult situations. very fortunate I am to be able to do that).

  6. Poor Denise! My last personal dog (as opposed to my guide dog puppies) died while staying overnight at the vet’s office. The outcome wouldn’t have been different had she been at home at the time, but that didn’t stop my heart from feeling a bit guilty that I wasn’t with her at the time of her passing. I imagine Denise feels similarly, but your explanation (in the extended version) probably helped. Like Josie said, though, just mourning with her shows true friendship.

    • clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:


      its funny, (in a very good way), how people with dogs respond to situations like this. I suspect that my writing the distinction between pet and ‘4 legged family members’ was un-necessary with this crowd… lol but I know for myself coming from a person who relates to dogs that way makes a difference

  7. lrconsiderer says:

    Clark, regardless of how you feel about your contribution – you were THERE. You tried. You made your best damn effort, and I can quite see what you were trying to convey, and it’s a comforting thought once understood.

    Poor Denise, though. This really did NOT need to happen, and it’s so sucky that it did :'(

    Brighter note – COOL (if frustrating) Sunday post from you, pal!

    • clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:


      you don’t like Secret Rule 6?? lol I am such a sloppy commentationer, I simply don’t look at my comments (on other blogs) after I hit ‘submit’ fearful of seeing the, ‘…and I hop that you love the gift, no that…’

  8. RCoyne RCoyne says:

    Terribly sorry to hear of this, Girlie. I know it hurts, but just remember that Zoey was on duty being your dog at all times, and she was perfectly fulfilled in that. She was in guard mode at the time, because you were away. She understood that. She was with you the whole time.

  9. Dammit, Clark, you got all kind and compassionate about Denise and her dog and made me cry. AND I DON’T LIKE TO CRY.

    But seriously. Beautifully said. Now I have to go blow my nose….

  10. I have few words today. But I have much feeling.
    There is gratitude, there are thanks. For the words within this post. For the outpouring of empathy, sympathy and encouragement. From people I know well, those I am beginning to know and to some folks I don’t know. For all, I am blessed.

  11. christine says:

    I have had good friends go through major, horrible losses this year. The most important thing I learned about being a good friend is that we just need to be present. To be willing to go through the suffering with our friends. You did that. It was good.

    As for the way you did the thankful list, I expected nothing less than far, far out there after yesterday’s normal list. Nature likes things balanced, so you had to go way out there to balance yesterday. Very nice. :)

    • clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:


      thank you

      (you will, of course be on the ‘well,-if-this-date-at-this-time-doesn’t-work,-when-is-a-good-time’ video chat list. you were fun and everyone enjoyed your participation. plus (you knew there was a qualifier sneaking up, didn’t you?) as a scott you contribute something still unique to our video discussions which are, as you saw all clarks (except for Michelle who is standing in for all rogers)… the thing of it is, while we know all about scotts and most of us clarks in this group have a strong secondary scottian aspect (I know! knock you over with a feather), there is a difference with the ‘real thing’. A tangible difference having a scott join in… not sure when, what with the holidays upon us, but especially with winter promising to be bad… as long as we have internet access… hey, I’ll put the adventures of the TToT group up against any reality show out there….

      …in response to what you were thinking a minute or so ago, ‘no, it does not matter how much you think you understand about the Wakefield Doctrine… understanding and thinking is a critical measure, you are a scott and I can say with pretty certain….er certainty that you understand what this thing is about. the technical discussion of theories and such is fun for clarks, but it is your insights that are valued. I assure you, you will not be required to produce a single ibid or op cit…. my guarantee on that… lol

      thanks again for the kind thoughts

  12. That you shared Does, so much more than all of the Other… She knows, I know, and we are forever grateful for you, who has given us the perspective to know and accept our perspectives.