Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)
As requested by Janine (‘...big sister’) and Kate (‘...why can’t you apply yourself like her?’), et Stephanie (‘I really don’t think you should spend quite so much time with her, yes I know she seems very nice…but‘) and Dawn, (‘now there is the kind of role model you should be emulating’) here is my contribution to the nearly last (how the hell did that happen?) Friday before Summer begins (?!?#?)
When I was younger, I wanted to… be whoever I wasn’t.
The world of a young human (and any animal) is comprised of the challenges of the world and examples of how to cope with those challenges. For the very young, the world is all about looking up and looking out to, when we are little we are constantly falling behind and being alone (if only temporarily). Before we grow up we know dependency and rebellion and we become who we are to be, by the age of 5. To be this young is to be a little version of a larger person, however it is not like being a midget, it is more like being a clown; it is not like being un-formed, rather it is about being a grain of sand with the beginnings of layers of nacre; it is not about carrying on tradition, it is about playing according to the Rules.
When I was young I felt that being younger was my responsibility and that I was expected to overcome it. This was not an instruction or implication, direction or demand from anyone, it was my assumption. Being young I did not see (the) forest from the trees, right from wrong, the better part of valor, (that) hard work was its own rewards, or that to the victor goes the spoils. Instead, because I was young (and a clark), I saw that the world was all around me, that people were friendly and mean, strangers were interesting and kind, that school was easy and horrible.
When I was just young and I wanted to be whoever I wasn’t? …that was not because I didn’t want to be myself. It was because I looked around and saw people (apparently): not concerned with fitting in, getting permission, being self-conscious, resisting the urge to cry, holding back and not striking out, sharing without the need to qualify, being wrong without feeling less than, being happy because they all knew each other, living a life without thought and reflection.
…and so, I looked at the world as being ‘out there’ and I learned how to be intelligent, I discovered a place within where ‘what wasn’t was’, I convinced the people in my world that I felt like they did, and I watched and tried to learn.
…guess I succeeded.
* Thanks to Cyndi for providing the impromptu feature image go to her site Pictimilitude right now and thank her
About clarkscottroger
Yes…you know, I had no trouble making friends when I was young: in elementary school. And then BAM! Sixth grade hit, and all of a sudden I was the outsider. It’s crazy how it happened…the other kids were playing “spin the bottle” and I was like, “that’s the stupidest game, ever…I have better things to do…” LOL. I’m a nut, I know. ;)
@Cyndi
…and we know, too!* (lol)
yes, it does ‘take one to know one’**
** my! how prescient! that we were being intructed that worldviews would be the prime determinant of relating to others
And succeed you totally did. But you are so right that when we are kids we would love to be mostly anything we aren’t. It took me years to understand this and to truly be happy for who I am and not to worry about anything else. Thank you so much as always for linking up with us and hope you have a great weekend!!
@Janine
…it must be incredibly challenging* to raise children know how they think and how they might be advantaged if they simply understand a little fact like that!
* aka frustrating? hair-tearing? tear-generating…laughter creating
So did NOT need the reminder that this is the last Friday before summer. GAHHH!
I’d say that you did indeed succeed. Love it. This might be my favorite FTSF post you’ve done yet. Touching, inspiring, thought provoking. I think it’s easy to see other people’s lives from the outside and wish they were ours. Really great post, Clark.
@Kristi
I just got back from Finding Ninee… and if I have any ambition (in these efforts) it is to try and put the Reader in my world, you do that awfully well.
Nice post, Clark. Deep.
@Kate
Thank you…
“deep? how do you mean deep? are you saying that I am dense and difficult to understand or ‘deep’ as in ‘knee deep’??!! ( I’m channeling my inner Joe Pesci…lol) ( debating pasting the clip from Good Fellas…. )
Ugh! You just reminded me about how I wanted to be the short, cute, curly haired girl. The kind that was always smiling and chatting with people and having a great time in the world. I was the tall, lanky straight haired girl standing on the sidelines most of the time trying to figure out if I should jump into the fun (how?) and would it be worth it anyway…
I’m still like that a little, but now I’m absolutely cool with it!
Being young was hard. :) This was a great post though…really enjoyed it!
@Amy
we (including you among clarks) are the ones that truly improve with age. Not that the rogers and scotts are not good and have value, but I am totally enjoying reading how we (clarks) faced the world from the essentially same position (outside, lol) and have come to the point that all of the things we counted on being worthwhile are…
Those last two paragraphs kind of took my breath away, to be honest. And this line: ” I felt that being younger was my responsibility and that I was expected to overcome it.” That post was deep- in a really, really good way. Beautiful.
@Stephanie
thank you… you guys do come up with awfully muse-inclined Sentences (to be Finished) plus the hold ‘hop’ seems to engender that atmosphere that encourages risk-taking and creativity.
You know, being a blogger is the perfect place for a Clark. I only share my secret fears with my good friends, but from the blogosphere apparently I appear quite confident. This post is eye-opening and a little sad all rolled into one.
@Jen
…yeah, but we are Outsiders who are somehow getting the chance to belong, albeit to a group of Outsiders but still … that in and of itself is worth the discomfort of seeing our reflection in other people. But I totally know what you mean ( of course!) and if you think it felt …funny/good/bad/mad/sad to read it, think about how I felt when I hear about it…lol I know that you know what I mean… I love this place because I find I can sneak stuff out to the world about myself… without me noticing. but it is a good thing, I was serious when I wrote somewhere around here today that clarks (of the three) are the one that genuinely get better with age
I’ve now read this post 2x. The first time was yesterday morning prior to any of the comments.
The part about midgets and clowns had me laughing so hard I was almost in tears.
And then I reached the last paragraph and a half. Instant emotional reaction. The kind that makes you say… “aw-w”. This is a good post, an honest post, a poignant post. As a clark I can identify.
Thank you Cyndi for verbalizing the “stupid” thing. As a kid I had trouble with why it was I thought so many of the things my contemporaries were doing were simply stupid. And immature. What kind of child calls other children immature? LOL A clark, of course:)
I’m with Kristi. This post is thought provoking which is why I need to ask why it is that clarks, overwhelmingly more than the scotts and rogers “…. see other people’s lives from the outside and wish they were ours.”
Hey, scratch the first part of my comment. Just re-print what Stephanie said! Way better. And shorter. LOL
Jen? A little secret. clarks often appear confident. It is one of our best “disguises” (unless we’re accessing our scottian aspect. lol). Why in the world would a clark want to appear vulnerable? Would allow a milli-chance bing caught losing control? Would be left vulnerable to having to relate on an emotional level to something that may not affect us emotionally? And let’s not forget fear? It permeates the world of a clark. The thing is to not fear the fear. Accepting the fear is the first step to understanding it.
Thumbs up to Janine! You are a ray of sunshine:) Your comments are always positive and encouraging. They are complete in their simplicity.
“….most of the time trying to figure out if I should ….. (how?) and would it be worth it anyway…”
Damn! The last part of that sentence. Powerful.
Yes. I stand as a cryptic clark today:)
This made me think of my persistent desire to figure out how to teach younger ones the wisdom that can only be gained by growing up. It’s an obsession with every generation. But then again, this is a lesson that can’t be taught.
@Jean
It must be the most difficult part of raising children, to know that the ‘answer’ is so terribly simple, but only to the person who has traveled the path to come to that realization.
I envy you for being surrounded by people who were so comfortable with themselves! Often, we’re bombarded by people who demand that we succumb to the status quo, especially when we are Youth. Thanks for sharing….something to think about today!
@Michelle
it’s just ‘unfortunate’ that I did not appreciate it then the way that I do now. But, better late than never.
That’s some thinking even back then…wow! You definitely succeeded ;) I always hated being an outsider – even when I was younger, I’d be left out of a lot of things because I was ‘too shy’. But today, I love it. It’s what makes me different. I would never want to be a sheep and just blend in with everyone else. Then again, I hate being the centre of attention. Weird…lol. Happy weekend!
@Melanie
gotta love the Doctrine, after all, it do say (about clarks) ‘they hate being the center of attention, but will not tolerate being ignored’
This is both very sensitive and observant. I admire those who don’t forget how they viewed the world as a child, and this seems very accurate, not because I remember those feelings so well, but based on my recent observations of my 4-year-old son. It is exactly how you put it. When he was approaching his fourth birthday all he wanted to be was what he wasn’t – four years old. I believe it was on the day that he turned four and we informed him of it, thinking he’d be thrilled that he asked why can’t he be three, a question that has since recurred. Just as fascinating is the fact that we (As personalities?) are formed before age 5. I find that amazing. I am trying to think back to myself as a young child and see which qualities that formed then shape my personality today. This’ll be an interesting topic to contemplate.
Growing up as an Army brat, we moved a lot, about every 18 months. It was hard to make friends and I became a loner. We finally settled down in one spot in Alaska (even after we arrived in AK, I still changed schools 4 times in 2 years), around the 6th grade, I was able to make friends and ended up staying friends with most of them as we rose up through the grades. Sadly, after high school, most of us, again, drifted apart. Along the way, I learned that friendship and companionship is very fluid. Guess that’s why I became addicted to book at an early age. They only place they went was back to the library. ;)
Great post. You described the process of growing up so well. I think we all can relate to that.
And is it really true that we become who we are by the age of 5? That is really interesting, I did not know that!
@Joy
It seems more and more that case, as I talk to more and more people (who are inclined to be able to reflect back on that age).