Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine ( ho frickin ho )
We should state at the outset of this Post, that the dis-like/respect/dain for the Holidays that is often attributed to the clarks among us, is not really accurate. It is the implied ‘requirement to celebrate’ that elicits the resistance in clarks, not the holidays in and of themselves. But that is not the topic of today’s Post. The topic (of today’s Post) is “Which of the three personality types most enjoy Christmas?”
…scotts
For our next topic… ha, ha (and) ha1
The big three of Holidays (which from our “hey-Hallmark Cards-says-it’s-a-holiday-and-they-wouldn’t-make-something-like-this-up” perspective), are Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. (Other than the Thanksgiving), a pretty universal set of celebrations.
Thanksgiving is, of course, the quintessential rogerian holiday, as we have established in a previous Post. The soon-to-arrive celebration of Christmas is the time for the scotts, which leaves only the New Years “holiday” for the clarks.
The reasons that we know that Christmas is a scottian holiday:
- mistletoe (“hey!! ya have to let me!! it’s the mistletoe rule )
- Christmas parties…. ( “hey!! you have to…. )
- gift giving…like any well-constructed trap, a gift is attractively wrapped, for some reason though, despite how delicately be-ribboned, with fancy bows and a lot of effort at creating a beautiful package…the accepted way to open Christmas presents is to impatiently rip everything apart…as quickly as possible, all in order to discover the secret inside…like we said a very scottian holiday
- gift returns at department stores and online… the local mall is virtually a sushi bar (comprised entirely of rogers), sort of an all-you-can-eat day for scotts2
- lights on the Christmas tree…
- lights on the lawn…and in the trees and bushes, moving light displays, inflatable Santa Claus figures 15 feet tall! (and) in the spirit of the scottian ‘more-is-more’ principle: inflatable Christmas-themed hot air balloons on the front lawn (is it just me, or is the idea of blow-up inflatable hot-air balloon displays just a little much? )
- Christmas dinner…sort of like Thanksgiving but without the strict menu, or the required seating arrangements at dinner
- Santa Claus, a powerful, potentially violent man, who spends 364 days of the year in isolation, obsessed with the behavior of children. Despite this, one day each year, this mysterious figure is allowed free access to private homes, where gifts of food and drink are left out in the hopes of not further angering this all-seeing, all-knowing, (nearly) all-powerful being…
- (did we mention) being allowed to dress up and sit in public so that otherwise loving parents can force their terrified children to actually sit in the lap of a stranger and confide their secrets to him?!
Any questions?
So as this joyous holiday draws near, coming closer and closer until ‘the night of the man in the fireplace’ arrives, we all can look forward to surviving the joyous Yule-tide season ( “…hey! I got yer Yule log…right here!” )
1) apparently this onamonapiac phrase is universal, despite continued efforts to translate it into a bunch of other languages and the phrase just sat there, unchanged…mocking me with it’s universality…as if it were…somehow laughing at me…fuckin shared-human-emotions
2) the thing about scotts eating rogers…that’s part of the initial behavioral metaphor of the scottian personality type. Not necessarily true, but the imagery …sorta looks about right lol
About clarkscottroger
ROFL! I love this post! <3 <3 <3
As a clark, I have made peace with this holiday by INSISTING on celebrating it my own way.
…funny how even though you can be aware of the changing of attitudes, the effect still obtains.
…I mean, as a kid I remember the whole Santa Claus in the Department store thing…everyone thought I was odd for not being over-joyed at the pressure of an interaction like that ( I believe I spent excessive time ahead of said visit to prepare, at least to the extent available to a 7 year child)
…now the lights!! on houses, there is a word synethesia ( which is used in the context of a neurologocal abornormality with or with out the use of hallucinogenics) in which one sensory input is swapped to another…. tell me that when you drive down the street and see the house that scott decorated, you do not hear the shouting lol
Ya know, I never noticed the shouting over the whir of their electrical meters spinning.
LOL I’m sure it must have been a roger who said “it’s all in the details” but I have no doubt it was a scott who screamed “MORE!”
lol but seriously, am I the only person struck by the projectile-decadence of a electrical fan blowing up a fake hot air balloon as a yard ‘decoration’?
When it comes to Christmas decorations, there is tasteful and there is gaudy, and those Santas and Snowmen def take the award when it comes to gaudy… though I know the kiddos love them.
It makes sense to me that scotts are the ones who find it fun to decorate a house, and don’t mind undercoating it in a few weeks. All that energy, all that go. If I were to put lights up, they would be a permanent fixture — why climb a ladder for the same purpose more than once?
So the 18 wheelers with all the little lights and the grill decorations — do you suppose those are driven by scotts?