J’accuse!* that turkey did not commit suicide!…the Wakefield Doctrine Holiday-style | the Wakefield Doctrine J’accuse!* that turkey did not commit suicide!…the Wakefield Doctrine Holiday-style | the Wakefield Doctrine

J’accuse!* that turkey did not commit suicide!…the Wakefield Doctrine Holiday-style

Welcome to the Wakefield Doctrine ( the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers) on this eve of Saint rogers’s Day!

Thanksgiving Day1 is the holiday that, if we did not already know that there exists a personality type referred to as a roger, someone would have pointed it out to us. Perhaps the task would have fallen to an Art Professor in a land grant college somewhere in the Midwest. We can imagine the epiphany …in the middle of the night (during his sabbatical devoted to the study of the works of Norman Rockwell),
” My god!  Norman’s work is not just a robust and healthy celebration of paedophilia! He has been trying to tell us to transform our culture!  …for all good Americans to come forth and show their appreciation of patriotism, consumerism and child-abuse!!”

We have, from time to time, been accused of indiscriminate use of hyperbole in these pages, however, just consider the astounding level of pervasiveness of the  ‘Holiday of Thanksgiving’.  It is not enough to close the Post Office system and all other government agencies2, no it is not. This Holiday actually attempts to compel normal, rational, adult people to sit in front of the television and watch a Parade involving giant balloon representations of out-of-print newspaper cartoon characters! Who the hell watches the Macy’s Day Parade on purpose?!?  Throughout the entire morning of Thanksgiving, you simply cannot escape the pageantry and spectacle,  broadcast live and has, as the ’emcees’,  News Anchors from the major networks morning news shows!  ( “Thats right, Matt! That’s  Kenny Chesney and Taylor Swift on the Snoop Dog float… it says here that her eye makeup took 12 hours and 6 pounds of aluminum foil chips to create!!” ). Like a  Hieronymus Bosch painting done in ‘live-action’, the whole country is exposed to hours and hours of Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade… more than 3 hours of parade music and floats  (” … hey, Anne isn’t the next float from your hometown”?   “That’s right Al! it’s my old Alma mater, the East Clydesdale High School Marching Band playing a medley, ‘Straight outta Compton’, ‘Fuck tha Police’ and ‘Gangsta Gangsta’ )

Why do we say Thanksgiving is the most rogerian of all holidays?  Simply because Thanksgiving is about the how, not the why. As a cultural event, this particular holiday tells it’s participants exactly what to do; what to eat and how to cook it!  Taught from childhood, every member of our culture knows precisely how (and) where they are expected to spend the Holiday! Thanksgiving is about family! And if there is anything that rogers fake better than anyone, it is the joyful appreciation and celebration of the family.

But don’t just take our word for it! Following is an excerpt from a Post of the Wakefield Doctrine that was written over a year ago! (and nothing says credibility better than…age)

We all know that “the holidays” are experienced differently by each of the three (clarks, scotts and rogers) and therefore the demands of the celebrations are a very effective illustration of the nature of each. But if there was no Thanksgiving, a roger would have invented it! (Actually, they probably did). Think about it! A holiday celebration that is:

  • based on a factual historical event (sort of)
  • the protagonists (of the story) are religious refugees, persecuted and driven away, together, on boats
  • food, specific food and a not-to-be-deviated-from Menu
  • ritual menu and a full schedule of events
  • shopping in herds, as the climax of the celebration (Black Friday)
  • a moral taught to the young: we came here, those strangers who helped us were different, (…we had a feast and wiped out their culture)

I will be so bold as to suggest that there is no more rogerian a holiday than Thanksgiving!  And since we are on the subject of rogers and holidays, (sort of),  is there any human activity that is more one sided, over-hyped, ‘expectations-sure-to-fall short’, (not counting sex on the eve of a relationship breaking up), than Parades? I don’t care if you’re a trombone player in the middle of the herd or someone sitting in their living room watching it on TV, nothing says roger better than Parades!

 

 

* As a result of the popularity of (Zola’s) letter, even in the English-speaking world, J’accuse! has become a common generic expression of outrage and accusation against someone powerful

1)  the Day that the indigenous people of the North American continent made a gift of their lands and cultures and cuisine to their new European friends.

2)  you do know about the Post Office and rogers, don’t you?

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clarkscottroger About clarkscottroger
Well, what exactly do you want to know? Whether I am a clark or a scott or roger? If you have to ask, then you need to keep reading the Posts for two reasons: a)to get a clear enough understanding to be able to make the determination of which type I am and 2) to realize that by definition I am all three.* *which is true for you as well, all three...but mostly one

Comments

  1. Downspring#1 says:

    Yes, yes we all know….

    Mosh pit – who makes up the pit and who more than any of 3 gets thrown in? LOL
    The newer version (decades ago) of the Living Room (probably does not exist present day) had a “pit” depending on what band was playing and I must say I was smack dab in the middle on more than one occasion.
    There I go – indulging in a bit of rogerian reminiscing….

  2. clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:

    (The following Comment was submitted this morning from Amy, but it was directed at a Post dated last year. It was such a good Comment, that we have decided to exercise editorial privilage and paste the damn thing up front here today! Hey Amy! we’re over here)

    “One good thing that came of my layoff and divorce over a year ago, is the fact I have no money. As such, I am allowed to indulge my reclusive nature. No one wants a “downer” to remind them of the fact that those gathered together for Thanksgiving really don’t even like each other. Even as a kid, I wondered who mandated the necessity of observing time set aside to overeat, express pseudo goodwill or the need to catch up with dysfunctional relatives. If I was that caliber of actor, I wouldn’t be poor.

    Last Christmas, as I enjoyed my PBJ and listened to the news coverage on the fascinating Obama Christmas menu as they vacationed in Hawaii, I was grateful for the quiet and company of my Scottish Terrier, MacGregor. This year I decided to surprise him with a “frozen” turkey dinner, because if food equates to love, he certainly deserves better than PBJ.”

  3. clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:

    …there is an aggressiveness exhibited by rogers at this time of year, particularly on a ‘holiday’ like Thanksgiving. The term, projectile emotionalism comes close, but does not quite describe the environment that (we) clarks experience when stuck in the middle of a herd of festivalators.

    Good to hear from you… if you feel that a (nearly free) Wakefield Doctrine hat ( for your damn head) would complete the perfect ‘I’ll be (at) Home for Christmas” outfit, let us know… be glad to send one out!

    *it is a given ’round here, that dogs are simply perfect lifeforms.

  4. Downspring#1 says:

    Thank you Amy for the following statement (I have taken only the first part of it): “No one wants a “downer” to remind them of the fact that…..” Many are they who can insert whatever “imperfect” situation or life circumstance at the end of that sentence and find themselves on the “outside” of a holiday. Of the 3, rogers are the ones to indulge in denial (all in the name of self preservation). Especially at the holidays. It would be no surprise if Amy’s family had a story explaining her absence to the rest of the family. A story that glossed over the reality of her situation in order to maintain their “perfect world”.
    Holidays are a gift one can wrap and adorn however one wishes. Today, I am thankful for one more day…..
    Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends at the Wakefield Doctrine. However you celebrate.

  5. phyllis says:

    I think the parades are nice :)

    I miss my rogerian dog, Bella, who was even more excited than me about Thanksgiving.

  6. Downspring#1 says:

    Indeed, nothing says holidays better than man’s best friend:)

  7. clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:

    (This is true…) Bella was quite rogerian, which combined with the ‘un-alloyed’ enthusiasm that all dogs are gifted with, made for a (Thanksgiving Day) in which Bella was totally in charge (of)…
    To paraphrase the Bible:
    “…Are not giblets sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground without there being a race to get it…and as a dog, I will get there first“*

    But besides watching the food prep, Bella had a sense of propriety, that food prepared was food meant to be eaten…that food left over, …was food meant to be eaten.
    It is that purity of intent, the aforementioned ‘un-alloyed’ enthusiasm that makes dogs, in general and Bella in particular so special.

    *or words to that effect