Pat? I’d like to buy a Vowel! | the Wakefield Doctrine Pat? I’d like to buy a Vowel! | the Wakefield Doctrine

Pat? I’d like to buy a Vowel!

Wlcm t th Wkfld Dctrn (th thry f clrks, sctts nd rgers)

(ha, ha) A little levity to staart us off here.

Readers will have to bear with us, as we search for the ‘voice’ of the Doctrine, 2011-style. We are looking for a combination of:  the creativity of the clarks, cranked up to 11 that is characteristic of scotts and yet as conversational and accessible and inviting as is the tone of (most) rogers.
I can hear the Comments, (both written and un-written), out there now. “Why?” (and) “There he fuckin goes again, into the what-if zone” (and) “Hey, don’t worry about trying to sound like someone else, you don’t appreciate yourself enough
To which I reply: “Because, clark, you need to reach everyone” and “Yeah? well fuck you scott, you try producing content on a reliable basis”, and “Don’t worry roger, no one is going to step on your franchise”. Have I self-referential-ed myself into getting this Post started yet? Or do I need to imagine you people sitting here shouting at my back as I type? Actually…

A new aspect of the Doctrine (blog) is, already happening! As all our Readers know, there is an actual Wakefield and it is driven through by yours truly and our faithful scott, glenn, most every Saturday night.1  A little side note here ( When the Doctrine first started it was thought that it would become a group effort i.e. Progenitors and DownSprings participating in writing articles and Posts and contributing to the explanation and presentation of the Wakefield Doctrine. Of course, that never materialized, instead each of the original members found their own way of contributing to this thing of ours. But the actual, physical, in the “real world”  drives through Wakefield have always been there, nearly every damn week. It is during these drives that the state of the Wakefield Doctrine is discussed and the activity of the DownSPrings and Progenitors is reviewed and sifted through, all in the hopes of generating new ways of explaining/ presenting the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers) to the world. If there is a single place for realtime development and planning of this blog, it is on these drives.
In the last few weeks, we have started to have more than the two of us ‘participate’ in the drive to Wakefield! And this is all possible because of the application of the principles at the core of the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers!2

But today’s Post is not about the benefits of the Doctrine! Today’s Post is about the search for the voice of the Doctrine in the coming year and it is about these Saturday night drives.  Let’s take the easy one first! The drives to Wakefield for the past 4 weeks or so have included: the Progenitor roger and glenn; DS#1 and glenn and finally,  yours truly and AKH. The exact same drive through Wakefield, but additional voices coming out of the car! The thing  that needs to be kept in mind, is that the car that Wakefield is being driven-through-by, has this wonderful capability, with ‘the bluetooth’  of having the person on the phone being on speakerphone and, by all reports,  the sound quality is very excellent. Interesting ‘un-intended by-product,  the ‘outside’ of the car is not sound insulated, (think of those cars, mostly the Japanese ‘tuners’ driving by with “Mi hottie scottian, ella es tan fina” blasting at 120db!). Our trips though Wakefield have the potential of being like those things, only more annoying, but way scarier! This time of year, of course, hardly anyone on the streets. Come the warm weather, welll! that will be interesting. Hell, if we don’t have tons of Readers coming to this blog, then we will just have to  go get them, one at a time. On the streets. ( Picture those old 1950’s cars with PA horns taped to the fenders, blasting out “Vote for me today”…only German luxury car and a real, real strange message…)

Damn! I see these words come out and I am totally taken by the idea…we simply drive around and discuss the Wakefield Doctrine at high volume!  (yeah! like that’s gonna get glenn to seek the high road, discourse-wise)…lol I will simply say this:…getting the word out about the Wakefield Doctrine is the most important thing. If it means charges of Disturbing the Peace, or looking/sounding like a scene from Slacker3, hey who am I to get in the way?

Will try to get a little more organised about how we do these Wakefield trips, maybe tape ’em and transcribe them for the blog, who knows. Will be getting interesting.

Hey!  Wait! Before you go, just had a thought…how about a phone subscription thing, you know 1-900-WAK-FIELD?  Need to work on the technical end, but why the hell not? Any of you more adventurous Readers want to do this, send me an email with your phone number and we will take y’all to Wakefield.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHWeuQyFouo

1. So, as the future screenplay will portray the scene, glenn and I were driving around Wakefield on a Saturday night. Discussion moved to the matter of ‘taking it public’ and I made the statement (not for the 1st time…hell not for the 101st time), “hey, glenn you’re already stealing parts of the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers and working into one of your trainings, how do we get it to be more stand-alone?”  To which glenn replied, “I am using it, but the sport I’m in needs to take things seriously, the name, ‘the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers’, it’s too weird, too quirky, you know…clarklike‘! I thought about that as I turned left onto Kersey Rd, “Alright then, we will call it the Wakefield Doctrine“, to which glenn could only say, “Fuck yeah!!”  “And I will create a blog and we will take this thing on the road!” That’s how it began.
2. The car that is driven through Wakefield these days is a new car with one of those bluetooth setups so the cell phone calls go through the car’s sound system. The result being, of course, the the caller is in the car. Tell me how effective is this Doctrine thing is, better yet ask glenn what we drove through Wakefield the first year!
3. Only the most clarklike of movies from a most admirable example of success in the world by a clark.

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clarkscottroger About clarkscottroger
Well, what exactly do you want to know? Whether I am a clark or a scott or roger? If you have to ask, then you need to keep reading the Posts for two reasons: a)to get a clear enough understanding to be able to make the determination of which type I am and 2) to realize that by definition I am all three.* *which is true for you as well, all three...but mostly one

Comments

  1. Downspring#1 says:

    Thank you! Woke up today in an uncharacteristic state of panic.(now why would that be. i love the ocean) Meandered over to the Doctrine and my “frown was turned upside down” lol
    Do tell – who is the clark, scott and roger:):):)

  2. Glenn Miller says:

    Fuck. Shit. Raggety-assed motherfucker…..I feel better now. Was away in Mexico. Catching up now on the WD. Some “nice” discussions, but I’m back now. Will try to lift the energy level a bit. Lots of “brain gymnastics” in my absence on this here thing here. While away I met a clark guitar player in Mexico. Luis Acclette. Classical, flamenco etc. Super-focused player. Right hand AND left hand doing amazing things. No singing. Absolutely no stage presence–but spectacular music. Every time I clapped after a song, he would look up all surprised and say–(with a thick Spanish accent)–“Thonk you forrr clopping. You are oolways clopping..” He played in a lounge area of the resort. Most of the rogers in the crowd payed him no mind. They were busy interacting with each other. The scotts generally preferred the main shows in the auditorium because they were loud and involved sexy young people dancing. But me and some clarks watched Luis.
    Vacation also involves increased “togetherness” with the spousal unit. She likes that. It nearly fucking killed me. She is a roger–and cannot stop talking. What she says does not matter. It is like a duck quacking. Just noise to let me know she is there. Marital “togetherness” is vastly over-rated. Rogers dig it I suppose. I think it fucks up a relationship. I always advise young people in new marriages to stay the fuck out of each others’ way. Give some fucking space. Don’t try to share every thought. After a while, your thoughts bore the other party…nearly to death. Spend some time apart–a lot of it. Remember this old line: “How can I miss you if you won’t go away?”
    The Wakefield Saturday night rides are a long-standing tradition. Goes back over 25 years. I could never live in a clark’s head, but I like visiting. Someone mentioned the capacity of clarks to “scold” scotts. Very true. If I try to yell at a passing woman about her physical attributes, Clark usually delivers a statement of disapproval. If I litter(which I fucking love to do because it pisses people off), clark will admonish, upbraid, chastise, and reprimand. The rolled up newspaper is an apt metaphor for the exchange. Sometimes on these rides, old Clarkie will go into a long, detailed, explanation of some obscure, theoretical construct about fucking “time-lines” and “strings”. This gives me an opportunity to nap. I wake up after the long explanation refreshed and ready to yell “FUCK YOU” at the nearest pedestrian. I don’t always do it–but I’m always ready to do it. It is fun and funny all by itself–but is becomes even funnier when clark disapproves. I don’t know why—it just does. Sorry I missed your call AKH. But it is weird driving down the road with a disembodied voice talking to us out of the dashboard. Clark’s car is actually a cell phone with a car app. Very clarklike phenomenon. Anyway, fuck everything, and I’ll talk to you later. Sarah Silverman joke: My niece recently came out of the closet to the whole family. She’s only seven. Her mother says she is going punish her. I think that’s terrible. No pussy for a week??? Sarah Silverman is my idea of an absolutely perfect woman.

  3. clarkscottroger clarkscottroger says:

    er…thank you! now we will be happy to un-lock the door!

    If everyone would join me in congratulating glenn on his constant improvement of the ‘tone’ of his contributions! We know how difficult it is for him… (Ola was our first dog. Perfect lifeform. You have seen her picture around here quite a few times. As Bella was to Phyllis, Ola was the one true, perfect love of my life. Anyway, on Saturday nights I used to stop at McDonalds and buy the same thing, a quarter pounder(no cheese!), medium fries, a shake and a plain hamburger. When I got home, as I walked up the stairs, I would start talking outloud: “Did someone here order a hamburger?! I happen to have one right here!” I would hear Ola’s tail even before I could see her. She would follow me into the kitchen where I would put everything on a plate, always taking the patty out of the plain sandwich and putting it on the plate in quarters, along with my burger and fries. We would then go to the living room where she would sit on the adjacent sofa that was on the other side of a endtable. The food would go on the endtable (within 6″ of Ola’s face). And then, I would always remember that I needed a napkin. I would get up to go to the kitchen and Ola would wait there. Waiting. Within easy reach of the food. And she would wait. Not anxiously, not impatiently, simply waiting in anticipation for me to get back so that we could eat. Perfect. I would give anything to have that experience even once more.)

    glenn is like that.
    Only not as much self-control, or self-restraint, but he is coming along.
    We all look forward to another year of his wacky, irreverent, (Tourettes-like) contributions.

  4. RCoyne RCoyne says:

    Very illuminating; a clarkian anecdote that is uncharacteristically revealing is being used to positively illustrate the maturation of a scott; and is absolutely rogerian in the process. See? Rodney was right…we can get along!( Don’t get up, you scotts out there…I know the drill…I’ll go and &%$# myself, and the horse I rode in on).

  5. Downspring#1 says:

    Thank you RCoyne. Could not have spoken the thought(s) better.

    Oh Glennster! I will have confirmed operational function of the live web cam in Narragansett for our next “Saturday night drive”. I’ll be seeing you…..