Attention, Company!

     Sorry. I just really miss doing that. 

     First off- Congradulations are in order; field promotion of Ms. AKH to Brevet Progenitor; and Ms. Joanne to Brevet ” Mistress of Testifying”…I’m not sure what that is exactly, and I hope it doesn’t involve the use of arcane ritual, liberal application of some Clarkian snake oil, singing in an unnatural voice, and the wearing of a French maid’s costume…( and that’s just Clark- wait till you see what you have to go through….) What’s that, Jane? Which French maid? Why?…how many French maids do you know? That many? Jane, that’s very weird, even for a literary construct… What? Who am I calling a ” literary construct”? Why, that would be you, dear…No, I will not go #*&% myself…no, we are not all literary constructs…and yes, this is probably why the other kids call you ” shallow and one-dimensional”…yes, we will certainly talk about this after class…yes, I know, it’s the writer’s faults, they’ve painted you this way, and now you’re type-cast …I know, I’ve been a bad, bad writer and I should …no, I will not wear the French maid costume! Stop that this instant! All right, everyone, back in your seats! I’m the writer, and I demand your full attention! You are all miserable, sorry excuses for literary constructs! You can all be replaced, you know! We Like People will not stand for this rampant insubordination, you baboon-ass pu….what Jane? You’ll go with Pochahontas if I’ll wear the Johnny Depp/ Caribbean pirate getup?….well I do kind of like that ” Keith Richards ” thing…me being a Roger and all…OK, tell you what…I’ll write us both in as say… 25-year old literary constructs ( yes, thanks, I know it’s quite a stretch) and we’ll talk about it right after I hand out this assignment…

     Damn, I have got to cut back on that Nyquil. If I told you guys what I thought just happened….

    OK, then. New assignment. Are any of you familiar with the films of George Clooney? Yes? Good. It seems that George has been making “CSR movies” for some time now, and is likely not even vaguely aware of it. And, gets paid A LOT. And, girls of all ages seem to melt under his steely gaze. And so on and so forth. For George, it’s all good. For the rest of us, not so much. Ah, well.

     So anyway- choosing from any one of several George movies ( I’d recommend O Brother Where Art Thou, Men Who Stare At Goats, Up in the Air),  check it against the Doctrine and look for “you guessed it.” Then write a few paragraphs labeling the main characters, and explain why George keeps making movies that always feature three main characters. ( Yes, Sherlock, those are clues all right…) And once we have a consensus, I believe we should forward the Truth of The Matter to Mr. Clooney, and rock his world. Would any of you ladies care to volunteer to draft a letter to George, informing him of such, and possibly including a few photos of yourself, purely as an introduction? Seeing as how this should change the course of his career, I’m sure he would appreciate gazing on the countenance of the messenger. All right, then. Let’s get it done, the sooner the better. The poor guy needs  to know why he’s driven to keep making the same movie over and over again. So have mercy, and do your homework.

     Hey Teacher…is that a parrot on your shoulder, or are you just glad to see me?  ( Quoting Mae West, Roger? A bit sad, don’t you think?… where’s the %*%#& Nyquil…)